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Please help! Should I talk to him or leave him alone?


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My boyfriend and I just broke up after a year and a half of dating. We're going to call later and I want to figure out what to say to get him to understand how im tired of this. 

quick backstory: we've broken up 5 times previously so this will be the 6th. the first 2 have been because of an argument and the rest have just been because he doesnt know what he wants.

I'm not really sure why we're breaking up this time, but honestly im so tired of this im not even really that upset. This is more of like a vent post but im also just looking for ideas on how to tell him that im done with him. Should I just block him? We'll always get back together and we'll be really good but then the honeymoon phase ends and he breaks up with me. I found a picture he took of his friend shirtless and when I asked if he knew it would hurt me he said he knew but he still took it anyway so ever since then I have started to detach from him

Anyway, every time we break up I detach more from him and trust him less and I think at this point im done with him but im not sure how to tell him that. It's also really scary because I still love him and it hurts but i feel like I need to think more about myself instead of letting him constantly hurt, but i dont know who to talk to about this because hes been my only close friend so I feel like im doing this all alone. What do I say to make him understand that he's hurt me and that he should really think about if he wants to break up because I dont want to get back together again if this is it? he slept over the other day and said a bunch of things like how he loved me and was sorry he hurt me in the past and didnt want to anymore, how i made him happy and when he wasnt with me everything is dull but then he just said now he only said it bc he was on drugs and doesnt even remember saying that. Why does he keep hurting me? Should I stay friends with him or would it just be better to let him go? I care about him deeply and im still in love with him but Im really just so tired. Any advice or maybe words of encouragement would be really great honestly lol sorry if none of this made sense

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Hi @evenworse

I am sorry this is happening.  I think we can all relate to the dreaded on and off relationship.  It is the worst.  Do you think you could either be really into the challenge of keeping him?  

You can still care about someone and not be with them.  Also the solution to not having any close friends is not holding on to a toxic, hurtful relationship.  That is a separate problem that could be resolved by making more friends.  

It sounds like you have convinced yourself that you can't make it without him but from the outside, I think being with him is holding you back.  

I wouldn't even talk to this guy again.  You both know what you are doing... It's a little game youre both playing and if you stop, the game stops.  It really is that simple. 

Healing from it is the hard part.... Take all that energy you have been putting into him and put into yourself.  Things like your hobbies, family, career, & personal goals.  

The truth is once you start a cycle of breaking up and making up, it's hard to stop.  You're right to feel like you don't care, you are tired of it, sick of.  But you can't make him stop.  That's all on him and unfortunately once the respect in a relationship is gone-- it's gone.  

Taking someone back does not make them improve.  It shows them that their needs are more important than yours.  

I'm sorry... Know you can do better.  When you decide you can.  (((hug)))

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@Lambert Thank you so much, that really helped. It really is hard to stop the cycle because I just feel like we've been through so much together but honestly I think it's because we've been doing this for so long I didnt know how to stop. This time when we got back together I had very little trust and respect for him and youre right, once its gone its gone. It's just scary and hard letting someone go after everything and breaking out of that cycle. Thank you though, what you said really cleared things up for me

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25 minutes ago, evenworse said:

I found a picture he took of his friend shirtless and when I asked if he knew it would hurt me he said he knew but he still took it anyway

I talked about it on the other thread, but few days ago I read something pretty good regarding people who accept bad behavior from partners. Good people often end up with bad partners like that because, well, nobody else would put up with partners bad behavior otherwise. Any other woman with enough self- respect would leave his wortless butt behind at the first signs of him doing something bad as masturbating at his friend. Or admitting how he has a hots up for his friend and how his friend tatas were bigger then yours. But you took him again 5 times after he showed you time and time again how bad of a partner he is. So, do better and brake the cycle. Leave him, and never look back.

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3 hours ago, evenworse said:

@Kwothe28 Yeah, I just always thought maybe he could change but the thing with his friend really showed how little he cared. Thank you, that made sense I appreciate it

Why exactly would he choose to "change"? He does whatever he wants, breaks up with you repeatedly and you keep taking him back and having sex with him. I presume you also tell him you love him. Why would he want to change ANY of that? The relationship is a complete win for him. He can have you whenever he feels like it and when he doesn't he can drop you. And you're there, waiting for him to come back, every single time. No reason for him to want to "change" any of that.

Would you ever choose to treat someone you love they way he treats you? If not, why is he allowed to?

Instead of making up excuses to keep taking him back and keeping yourself chained to someone who treats you so poorly, how about resolving to be your own best friend? You are a good person. You should be able to surround yourself with good, positive people who lift you up instead of making you feel bad. 

Tell him you aren't interested in round seven. You are choosing to move on with your life and that includes ending any and all communication with him. If he objects tell him it's not up for debate. Stand up for yourself instead of catering to a guy who treats you like an option.

Ad it's irrelevant how much history you two have. Sounds like most of it was bad anyway.

I know you can do this 👍

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5 hours ago, evenworse said:

but honestly im so tired of this im not even really that upset.

after 5 unsuccessful starts and stops, maybe it's time (it seems you are saying that in your post) for both of you to take some time to be single.
Recharge and later this year start dating other people.
Life is too short

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I am sorry you are going through this. It hurts to detach from some you love/loved. I think If you are becoming detached it is a sign to end things. Sometimes love isn't enough. You deserve peace and stability in a relationship. I think that maybe you two should call it a day. If you are going to call with him. Just be honest and share how you feel. But very clearly. I think maybe suggesting there is no going back. 

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5 hours ago, evenworse said:

What do I say to make him understand that he's hurt me and that he should really think about if he wants to break up

You should not waste your breath on this conversation. 

He knows he hurts you. The problem is he doesn't really care. There is just no future here. Having conversations about it is poitnless, OP. Cancel this call with him later. Let him stay broken up with you, forever. 

5 hours ago, evenworse said:

Why does he keep hurting me?

Again, because he just doesn't care. 

5 hours ago, evenworse said:

Should I stay friends with him or would it just be better to let him go?

Good lord, no. 

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