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Me and my gf have a house together and been in a relationship for just over 3 years. She has struggled with mental issues in the past and can be hard to live with. Lately her moods have been worse than ever and she has been pushing me away and her “banter” has just become insults. She criticises everything and everyone and picks everyone up on everything whilst putting herself on a pedestal where she takes everything as an attack or insult. This has caused me to withdraw and we’ve both been either arguing or sitting in silence. 
We split up 9 days with her saying we are too broken to carry on. I say we need to call an estate agent and get things moving she says she’ll do it in the week. She hasn’t. Then this last week she keeps making my supper every day and breakfast this last weekend. Did the weekly shop for both of us. 
Then last Friday she booked a room for the trip we planned at the end of February. Why do that if we are not together.
Then Saturday evening still says we are not together. Then why did she book a room less than 24 hours before  

I have no idea what’s occurring. Are we together? Not according to her. Then why book a hotel room for 3 weeks time?

Then on Sunday she said she was going to her parents for lunch next Thursday and did I want to come. Why invite your ex to your folks house?

she’s still made no movement on getting an estate agent in?

Any advice or thoughts welcomed

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36 minutes ago, Mdb316 said:

I have no idea what’s occurring. Are we together? Not according to her. Then why book a hotel room for 3 weeks time?

 

Are you sure she booked it for you and her? And not for another man? Maybe she just wants to go alone there.

36 minutes ago, Mdb316 said:

Then on Sunday she said she was going to her parents for lunch next Thursday and did I want to come. Why invite your ex to your folks house?

 

Facade. She wants to pretend for others how you are still together as it would probably be difficult to explain how you are not together to her parents. All her actions should be looked at in that light. That she doesnt want you together. But still wants a facade of being in a relationship. 

That being said, why dont you call a real estate agent? Its clear this is over so, act like it is over. Dont indulge her facade and make serious steps toward moving from her.  First step is to actually move out and live separately. 

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Why not ask her in a polite manner.  You say you don't want to be in a relationship but you are taking actions like [give examples]as if we are together.  Why are you doing those things if we are not in a relationship?

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3 hours ago, Mdb316 said:

 I say we need to call an estate agent and get things moving 

she’s still made no movement on getting an estate agent in?

Can either of you afford the house on your own or to buy the other one out? Is your purpose for contacting a realtor to sell the house and split the proceeds? Why not figure out if you want to break up or not first, then follow up on your idea to contact a realtor if you choose to dissolve the relationship. Basically it seems like you are both struggling and unhappy but stuck living together. 

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We don't know why she is doing this...that's up to you to ask her, because only she would know. I feel throwing some guesses at you will only exacerbate the situation and cause you more anxiety. Go talk to her and clear the air. 

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You can always take charge of the situation and call the real estate agent.  Why does she get to say whether you are still together or not?  I think her actions alone are enough to say this isn't the relationship you want.  

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You can't change her, so don't try.  Her actions aren't going to make sense to you because she's not explaining clearly to you and you can't read her mind. 

Make a clean break.   Don't communicate with her unless you have to.  And stop trying to rationalize her actions.  You can't make rational sense of someone else's irrational actions, so don't waste your own time by trying. 

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With little context to go on...if you didn't have a house together, I am guessing you wouldn't be together anymore.   If that is correct, you need a proper one on one to sort this all out.
She is no longer invested in the relationship and the mixed signals aren't doing anyone any favours.

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Well, she is not mentally stable, you know this much. So, don't be surprised with her actions.

Is it maybe time YOU stepped up & got things going now?

If you're done, you're done!  Then, be done.

I;ve seen many relationships go through weird stuff.  The push & pull, control tactics, guilt blaming, etc.  One needs to come to see when it's time to remove yourself from the unsettled, unhealthy relationship.

 

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