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It depends what the issues are.  Doing the laundry together won't resolve the issue of whether to have more children where one person wants another and the other doesn't.  Going on a romantic date or having romantic time helps when the issue is both of you are stressed out by work and don't feel -temporarily-like the other person "gets it" and why tuneless humming to a commercial makes it worse as does letting a bowl clatter in the sink out of frustration. 

Also yes people choose their reactions to issues for sure.  Reacting by walking away for "time out" instead of in anger works better.  Reacting by not sending a snarky email and instead waiting 24 hours to see how you feel --or having a face to face discussion with your partner -is a healthier reaction.  But depending on the issue, sometimes the reaction will have to be "ok this isn't working." 

For example when my husband and I were dating if he'd said "I changed my mind.  I want a child with you but I will not do any interventions and I don't want to adopt or have a surrogate so unless you get pregnant naturally we won't have a child." My reaction would have been feeling heartbroken and knowing I had to leave.  Because I was 39.  Likewise if I'd said "no, I won't move away from this city -I said I would relocate for your career but I changed my mind."  His reaction would have been to leave most likely because his career could not progress with that limitation.  And also because in both cases we would have broken the promises we made when we started dating. 

Choosing to stay and sacrificing such huge things likely would have led to huge resentment.  And a romantic date or doing grocery shopping together would have been momentarily distracting from the elephant in the room.


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10 hours ago, zenvera88 said:

It's normal to have issues in a relationship. It's your reaction to these issues are those that matter. Try doing things together, chores, errands, try dating like it's your first time again! 

This sounds like a response to another question instead of asking for advice?


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Every couple is different.  We cook and clean together or I'll cook while he's maintaining our vehicles or mowing our front and back yards.  I enjoy cooking with him though.  We do what we're good at.  He'll make the marinade and sauces or pluck fresh herbs while I'm preparing the meat and vegetables.  He'll cook rice or pasta while I'm doing another cooking chore.  He'll clean up as we're cooking and we both clean up after dinner.  We have various conversations whenever we cook together.  Or, if I made the meal, he'll do post-dinner clean up, wash pots 'n pans, anything that doesn't fit in the dishwasher and cleanup the entire kitchen. 

If I grocery shop, he'll dust, vacuum and mop the house while I'm not home. 

We'll divide and conquer with errands.  He'll be on errands to some places while I take care of other local errands.  Or, sometimes we'll go on errands together.  We have various conversations again. 

We'll dine out occasionally which is enjoyable.  We cook mostly at home though because it tastes better.  In the past, we enjoyed classical concerts, ballet, theater, plays, etc.  We've toured museums.  We enjoy picnics at the lake weather permitting.   

As for laundry, whoever does laundry, does laundry.  We both fold and put away or I'll do it because I enjoy folding laundry.  It's a peaceful chore for me or us at the end of the evening.  It doesn't matter who does it as long as it gets done.  We generally do the week's worth of laundry sometime during the weekend. 

We do our chores based upon skill and preference.  For example, I don't repair, maintain our cars nor do yard work because my husband does it.  If something breaks, my husband is 'Mr. Fix It.'  Construction,  electrical and plumbing are his domain.   I defer household, interior and exterior repairs / maintenance to my husband.  He's a jack-of-all-trades and very handy.  He's reminiscent of his late father. 

If I need to do any mending, I sew and do the tailoring.

We don't engage in heated arguments.  However, we banter often.   My husband has an intelligent sense of humor and I can be sarcastic in a clever way.  We both make each other chuckle.  😄

Team work makes the dream work.  Our rhythm works for us.  😊 

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