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He slept with someone else.. should I confront or go ghost?


Doverlove
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So the guy who wanted a second chance started acting sketchy during the weekend. We’re not bf/gf yet. I want to bring it up but with our work schedule and I’m also finishing up my degree as a full time student, it’s been hard to get together and would prefer to have the conversation in person instead of over the phone. Last week He told me he had something to do the weekend but I felt something wasn’t right. After doing a little social media digging I found a girl page and on her story it was his apartment in the background. Turns out they spent a romantic weekend together. I was hurt and angry. I was feeling petty I text and told him to enjoy his weekend, he can tell I was being sarcastic. He doesn’t know I found out about the other girl. based of the short text convo we had, he could tell I was upset and he suggested to see me that monday . But when Monday comes, he cancels. I think he knows I’m upset, probably felt guilty and wanted to give me time to cool off so this coward avoided me. Before I found out about the other girl We planned to go skiing next weekend but after finding out this information I decided not to go. I was so eager to tell him about himself and tell him to get lost. but as I think about it more, I started to feel like it’s not worth it. Ive been very emotional for the past few days and have a lot of things I want to say to him. I don’t plan on bringing the girl up I just want to hint that I know what he’s been up to and because of that and other concerns I’m turned off by his actions and would rather not continue to see him. Should I just keep it to myself and give myself time to get over the feeling of lashing or should I confront him? 

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The strongest thing you can do, for yourself, is just delete and block him.  This has been way too hard; frankly, he is not that into you or else he would not be messing around with another woman at this point.  I'm sorry.  

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44 minutes ago, Jaunty said:

he is not that into you or else he would not be messing around with another woman at this point

This. 

I don't think he's going to be that upset if you drop him, OP. He just needs to not be in your life anymore. 

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I am shocked, trully shocked, that the man who only wanted to sleep with you, sleped with another woman. Well, not that shocked, it was kinda expected to probably anybody but you.

Anyway, delete and block. As we told you on previous threads, he only wanted one thing out of you and you should have cut that off before even started and not aranging ski resorts with him.

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He is allowed to hook up with and date whoever he wants -you two weren't exclusive and his "want a second chance" simply meant he saw potential but he wasn't yet closing off options. He didn't have to tell you his plans and he canceled your MOnday plan likely because he'd just been with the other woman.   I'm sorry you're upset about this situation!  I'd just fade out and not have any more conversations.  You two are not on the same page.  Better to know now, right?  Feel better.

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9 hours ago, Doverlove said:

. We’re not bf/gf yet.

Sorry this happened. Cut your losses and cut him off . Refocus your energy on dating men who want what you want. This guy was only casual and overinvesting in that can give you headaches and heartaches you don't need. 

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He's definitely not worth any effort beyond canceling any future plans. After that, block him and move on; causing any drama between you two to "tell him off" isn't anything beyond you wanting to be outraged. Why give him any more control over your life?

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This guy is showing you who he is.  Mainly a selfish player.  

While I think your feelings are valid.  You are allowed to feel how you feel.  There's no doubt about that.  But I think your view is skewed.  He canceled on Monday because he just got laid and doesn't need you right now.  By allowing time to pass, you will forget how pissed you are and in a few weeks he can hit you up again.  He has no remorse, does not feel bad.  He only looks out for his needs.

The best thing you can do is find another way to vent out your emotions. By telling him off, you are not impacting him other than to make him feel good that he 'got' you.  You are emotional and putting all this thought into him.  And he doesn't care.  It's probably funny and good to him. 

Any further effort on your part, with this person is a waste of your time and effort.  You may think you want to tell him off but nothing feels better than not caring.  You see what he is about.  He is a loser.  Not a good partner.  Not someone you can trust.  Why would you want him?  because of your ego?  because of the challenge to change a bad boy?  

Search yourself for the motivation here.  Think about what you want your life to be and how you want to handle your life.  Do you want to be used and played with?  If you don't, then you have to find better guys.  How do you find better guys?  by rejecting the bad ones.  

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Ghost for sure or tell him something that he wont like. Like you are lazy, you have no ambition, you're not my type of person, and I met someone else and I cannot keep doing this with you. So I am leaving. Do not mention the cheating.. It will hurt more than confronting him about cheating. This is obviously not the most "good person" thing to do. But if you're feeling for a bit of revenge then go for it. However, ghosting him is probably the safest option.

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1 hour ago, GreystripesR said:

Ghost for sure or tell him something that he wont like. Like you are lazy, you have no ambition, you're not my type of person, and I met someone else and I cannot keep doing this with you. So I am leaving. Do not mention the cheating.. It will hurt more than confronting him about cheating. This is obviously not the most "good person" thing to do. But if you're feeling for a bit of revenge then go for it. However, ghosting him is probably the safest option.

I would not do this since it sounds like they know some of the same people. 

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I would not respond.  Not responding to someone who is mistreating you isn't ghosting. Someone this wishy washy and who clearly doesn't care about you doesn't deserve another second of your precious time. A month ago, I was asked out for coffee, guy cancelled, asked to reschedule and cancelled again. I didn't respond. I just walked away and put him out of my mind. I see all these posts on various social media where people advise "responding" to be "polite" to people who treat you badly. This is genuinely mind-boggling to me.

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8 hours ago, OliviaJJJ said:

I would not respond.  Not responding to someone who is mistreating you isn't ghosting. Someone this wishy washy and who clearly doesn't care about you doesn't deserve another second of your precious time. A month ago, I was asked out for coffee, guy cancelled, asked to reschedule and cancelled again. I didn't respond. I just walked away and put him out of my mind. I see all these posts on various social media where people advise "responding" to be "polite" to people who treat you badly. This is genuinely mind-boggling to me.

I too was selective because I looked out for my own safety from getting harassed via email/calls when I was "polite" - and on my end silence=lack of interest -someone I never met or only met a few times wasn't ghosting and it was preferable to the self-serving "you're sooooo amazing but i'm not ready for a relationship...."

I too have little patience for flaky types whether dates or when I make new friends via FB (meaning in my mom groups or other common interest groups) - no reason for me to contact to say "yes I'd love to schedule a third time so you can find another reason to cancel/not show up"

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On 1/23/2023 at 11:33 PM, Jaunty said:

The strongest thing you can do, for yourself, is just delete and block him.  This has been way too hard; frankly, he is not that into you or else he would not be messing around with another woman at this point.  I'm sorry.  

Exactly. Took me some time to realize that. I’ve been ignoring him since the incident 

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On 1/24/2023 at 5:34 AM, Kwothe28 said:

I am shocked, trully shocked, that the man who only wanted to sleep with you, sleped with another woman. Well, not that shocked, it was kinda expected to probably anybody but you.

Anyway, delete and block. As we told you on previous threads, he only wanted one thing out of you and you should have cut that off before even started and not aranging ski resorts with him.

I get that. I like the guy, part of me thought after we got to know each other better he would commit. I was planning to have a conversation with him. I canceled the trip and staying away. 

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On 1/25/2023 at 10:28 PM, OliviaJJJ said:

I would not respond.  Not responding to someone who is mistreating you isn't ghosting. Someone this wishy washy and who clearly doesn't care about you doesn't deserve another second of your precious time. A month ago, I was asked out for coffee, guy cancelled, asked to reschedule and cancelled again. I didn't respond. I just walked away and put him out of my mind. I see all these posts on various social media where people advise "responding" to be "polite" to people who treat you badly. This is genuinely mind-boggling to me.

That guy sound like a big flake. Good for you. Before finding out about the other girl,he was  sweet and polite with me. he always respond quickly when I reach out, I feel bad for ignoring him but I’ve decided to put myself first. 

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On 1/27/2023 at 7:31 PM, Jimmy ape said:

I think you should confront him.

What should I say? I don’t want him to know I was fishing around his social media to find out about the girl. How else could he think I found out. 

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On 1/28/2023 at 8:19 AM, Jibralta said:

If you decide confront him, don't put a whole lot of energy into it. Shouting at him or telling him off will probably just feed his ego. Be smart/shrewd about it, and do it in a way that puts him in his place. 

It’s been over a week and I haven’t confronted him. How can I mention I found out about the other girl without looking like a crazy person looking through his social media? I replied one time and ignored him the last two times he reached out. Im fine with ignoring him now, trying to remain strong but sometimes I feel like I should say something. Not sure how to go about it 

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On 1/24/2023 at 3:15 PM, GreystripesR said:

Ghost for sure or tell him something that he wont like. Like you are lazy, you have no ambition, you're not my type of person, and I met someone else and I cannot keep doing this with you. So I am leaving. Do not mention the cheating.. It will hurt more than confronting him about cheating. This is obviously not the most "good person" thing to do. But if you're feeling for a bit of revenge then go for it. However, ghosting him is probably the safest option.

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Just now, Doverlove said:
On 1/24/2023 at 3:15 PM, GreystripesR said:

Ghost for sure or tell him something that he wont like. Like you are lazy, you have no ambition, you're not my type of person, and I met someone else and I cannot keep doing this with you. So I am leaving. Do not mention the cheating.. It will hurt more than confronting him about cheating. This is obviously not the most "good person" thing to do. But if you're feeling for a bit of revenge then go for it. However, ghosting him is probably the safest option.

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Haha he’s actually a very accomplished guy he would probably think I’m crazy for saying those things. I can tell him that he’s a user and manipulator. Because why ask me for another chance when he plans on sleeping with someone else

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