Breaking No Contact With Girl From College

[WalnutStreet]

So I (23M) have not spoken to this girl (22F) since September 6th (unless you count her sending me a hbd text a month ago) after a saucy last semester of college and a summer of texting/Facetiming all day every day. I started no contact after I felt we were on different pages and it was affecting how we communicated negatively (she's scared ***less of commitment yet treated me like a bf leading to a lot of confusion).

I'm now at a point where I'm concerned about how she's doing bc her best friend (who took my spot as the main person she talks to) is now getting close with me again, and I'm starting to see she barely talks to/hangs out with 22F anymore. It's hard to be the one who started no contact and break it, but if there's a chance she wants to talk again, I'm gonna take it.

What do I say in the text?

(And I want to emphasize that I have thought long and well about texting her and I’m prepared for a negative/no response and I’m okay with that)

[left due to request]

is it just me but i'm getting so confused with these 22f and 23m designations.. can we just make up a name?  Mary for example is the one that you have been close and Jane is the one that took your place.

so let me know if i'm getting this right.  you are concerned that Mary is okay since Jane is getting close to you and Jane is no longer speaking to Mary.  And you are going to reach out to Mary to break the no contact rule you set up, correct?

If so, how about, just checking up on you.  let me or jane know.

another question, what do you mean you and Jane are getting close again?  You and Jane dated while you were fancying Mary?  that doesn't sound right, no?

[MissCanuck]

2 hours ago, WalnutStreet said:

I'm concerned about how she's doing bc her best friend (who took my spot as the main person she talks to) is now getting close with me again, and I'm starting to see she barely talks to/hangs out with 22F anymore.

I don't see why this is a reason to contact the first girl. Their friendship is not your business. 

If you want to reach out to her, that's fine, but I wouldn't do it under the guise of being concerned that her best friend is sniffing around you. That won't land well and seems insincere. 

 

[WalnutStreet]

2 hours ago, rsml123 said:

is it just me but i'm getting so confused with these 22f and 23m designations.. can we just make up a name?  Mary for example is the one that you have been close and Jane is the one that took your place.

so let me know if i'm getting this right.  you are concerned that Mary is okay since Jane is getting close to you and Jane is no longer speaking to Mary.  And you are going to reach out to Mary to break the no contact rule you set up, correct?

If so, how about, just checking up on you.  let me or jane know.

another question, what do you mean you and Jane are getting close again?  You and Jane dated while you were fancying Mary?  that doesn't sound right, no?

I’m sorry that I didn’t make the names clear hahaha that’s my bad I’m not too good at this site.

Also to clarify: Jane is like a little sister to me and we had a falling out last year cuz of how she was treating Mary. Mary and Jane became very close again around the time I stopped talking to Mary, so as sad as I was to stop talking to her, I was glad to see she had someone who could fill that “favorite person” hole.

[WalnutStreet]

10 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

I don't see why this is a reason to contact the first girl. Their friendship is not your business. 

If you want to reach out to her, that's fine, but I wouldn't do it under the guise of being concerned that her best friend is sniffing around you. That won't land well and seems insincere. 

 

No no I see where you’re coming from and I know it looks like that. Of course, I miss the girl profusely, but the fact that she never texted me made me feel like she didn’t want to talk to me either.

Shes the type of person to post everything on social media, but from what I’ve seen and heard, she hasn’t really seen anyone or done anything social, and in the past she’s told me she’s terrified of losing friends and being alone.

As much as I miss her, this truly is concern on my end, yet I don’t know how to message her when it was ME who stopped talking to HER.

[MissCanuck]

Again, I don't see any reason to contact her now. 

She is a big girl and can handle herself. If she's having problems with friends, she can sort it out on her own. You are looking for excuses to talk to her, in other words.

But from what you have written, she wasn't interested in dating you anyway, so what's the point of starting contact again? For more of the same pointless merry-go-round? 

[Wiseman2]

7 hours ago, WalnutStreet said:

. I started no contact after I felt we were on different pages and it was affecting how we communicated negatively 

Sorry this is happening. Did you step back because she was friendzoning you? If you are interested in her as more than a friend, what has changed?

It's not your responsibility to make sure she has friends and confidants. Does she still have your contact info? Besides the birthday greeting is there any reason to continue this friendship? 

[Kwothe28]

Bipolar one who smokes weed? Yeah, just no man, no. 

She is not your responsability. She is an adult that can take care of herself. You are just making up excuses to go talk to her.

Are you hoping she would want to be with you now? You do know that is not how it works? Nore that it is not what NC is about.

[SooSad33]

18 hours ago, WalnutStreet said:

I started no contact after I felt we were on different pages and it was affecting how we communicated negatively (she's scared ***less of commitment yet treated me like a bf leading to a lot of confusion).

You stopped contact for reason's and I'd agree.

Is fine to be a little concerned.... or yearning for communication again, BUT I highly suggest you fight those feelings .

If this is her mentality ( below), is for your best interest to stay away.

9 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

Bipolar one who smokes weed? Yeah, just no man

I know a couple of people like this & they do not run in a 'stable' form.

They can do the push/pull, which is messy and no good.  I no longer deal with these people. I realized it was doing me more harm than good.

Be around those who do you good.  No mental challenges like this.

[smackie9]

That bs you ditched from last time will still be there when you reconntect. Do you really want to deal with that again??

If her friend wants to communicate with you, talk to her if there is any benefit to you doing that. If you could care less either way, it's not worth the effort....find new friends.