When someone shares your information without your permssion

[Cherylyn]

3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

So if people don’t side with you and pick on your sister and not have a relationship with her they get ousted ? That doesn’t show you in a good light either. 

Thank you @Seraphim .  No one is getting ousted.  My relatives and in-laws are local.  I'm still civil towards my brother and mother who remain neutral.  I'm OK with that.  I'm on peaceful terms with my mother.  I deliver home cooked and take out dinners for my mother, give her groceries, household items, clothing, shoes, etc. during my visits to her house several times a year.  However, I no longer give anything to my brother because he doesn't care to intervene on my behalf, didn't bother to try to clear my name nor defend me to my sister but it's OK.  I withdrew my previous generosity to him.  I'm peaceful with him albeit no longer chummy, no nicknames, no endearments, no more free food from me, no more generous gift cards to his favorite fast food places, no more generous gas gift cards for his truck, etc.  Gravy train came to a screeching halt.  Everything has a price.  Everything comes at such a dear cost.  My brother and I have a polite rapport which is good enough for both of us.  We have a mutual understanding.  He doesn't do anything for me.  Hence, I don't do anything for him.  Fair is fair.  We are balanced and equal.

Everyone else is on my side such as my husband, sons and in-laws which is a large group.  They are very loyal to me which actually puts me in good light.  They're loyal to my husband who is their son and brother and since he's married to me, they're loyal to me because we're a team.  I defer to my husband.  He told me he has my back.  He'll take care of his side of the family on my behalf so that's covered.  

My husband spoke to his mother on NYE (New Year's Eve) and told his mother that we're staying home on NYD (New Year's Day) meaning we're not attending my sister's NYD brunch/dinner at her house.  My MIL (mother-in-law) told her son, my husband that she and her daughter (my husband's sister and my SIL - sister-in-law) and her husband will stay home on NYD.  Good.  I have a large group of staunchest allies in my corner.  My husband, sons and I stayed home on NYD and had a very relaxing day.  I cooked our own feast and we enjoyed a homey dinner and dessert that day.  It was better than going out. 

Besides, I didn't do anything wrong.  I've told the truth from the beginning.  Also, in addition to that, many stories are straight from my mother's mouth!  My conscience is very crystal clear.  🙂 

 

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, tattoobunnie said:

My MIL does all the crap you've mentioned, and still does.  What did I do? I cut off all communication with her since 2011, and she has never met my kids.  She tries to visit, but I have the cops tell her to beat it.  My hubs has gone through 4 different telephone numbers, and she still finds his new number. 

She loves to call his friends, my folks, his jobs, my work (my employees answer) anyone she can get a hold of and tell them how we're horrible human beings.  This is a tactic to get the subject of their abuse to call them back.  Don't buy into it, and be honest to the people they are approaching about what's happening.

Just because they are a blood relative and you've had good times, does not mean they can get abuse you at will.  HUGS.  They won't get better.  There is no treatment for narcissism.

Thank you @tattoobunnie.  You did the right thing by completely severing ties with your MIL.  Your husband changed his phone numbers 4x and she still managed to find his new number?  😯

Your MIL is scary indeed!  She's reminiscent of my very manipulative sister!

I agree, there is no cure for narcissism nor gaslighting. 

My sister once told me years ago:  "Pretend I'm dead."  I say, "Be careful what you wish for."  🙂

[Cherylyn]

12 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

This is obviously a sick individual 😕 .

She is struggling with some mental issue's, not the other way around....

Any way your family can do an intervention & try to get her in for some prof help?

If anything, the rest of the family have a 'meet' and discuss this whole mess.  I am sure anyone who knows her, knows her instability.

As for her calls etc and you saying hubby having to change numbers constantly, can he not just block her number?  That, or make a record of all of this and make a report for 'harassment'.  Then she can get warned to stop.

 

Thank you @SooSad33. 

I agree she is struggling with mental health issues.  Look whom she's married to.  Her husband wears the pants in the family.  Since he makes a ton of money, he controls her and she's his puppet.  He interrupts my sister by talking over her whenever she's speaking to others and she enables him.  He follows her around like a lost puppy and she enables him.  He constantly paws her during social settings and in public and she enables him.  He's very rude to others, downgrades them, humiliates them during social settings and despite the embarrassment, shame, insults and offenses, again as usual,  she enables him.  Why?  Because he makes a lot of money.  Money talks.  She's certainly not willing to jeopardize her affluent status by speaking up nor letting the world know whom she's truly married to on social media.  She has to acquiesce to him in order to enjoy her affluent lifestyle.  She has to sell her soul in order to be controlled courtesy of her jerk husband who has a major mouth problem.  She doesn't let the world know on FB and her 1000 FB friends.  She lives in her fantasy world.  She told me years ago that she can never triumph over her own battles which was a telltale sign that not all is swell at the home front.  Hmmm.  No surprise there.  I know the real dirt.

Yes, we have records of all of my sister's texts and emails.  Everything was saved and stored in Cloud, in our PCs, desktops, we have hard copy prints ready to pull out and show everyone upon their request, all of it.  We are armed and ready anytime.

None of us will have a special meeting though.  We all know where we stand.  Everything is in my favor at the moment.  I have a large group of allies in my corner.  I thank God for that! 🙏  🙂

[Cherylyn]

12 hours ago, smackie9 said:

I have experienced purposeful antagonized behavior in my past. It's the only way they feel a sense of control due to their own insecurities. It's a form of abusive behavior. Some grow out of it because they mature later in life. Those who don't would possibly be considered as psychopaths.  The only way I dealt with it was to walk away and kick that person out of my life. Keep yourself on the low down, and keep your distance from them. 

Thank you @smackie9.  Or, sociopath is more like it.  Yes, kick that person out of your life is a great mindset.  No more 'Miss Nice' because being nice doesn't work unless you don't mind being a doormat!  A deliberate frosty distance offers protection in a safe haven bubble.

[MissCanuck]

1 hour ago, Cherylyn said:

Thank you @MissCanuck.  I'm working on it.  The more I decline, the safer I feel. 

That’s the best route. 

Continuing to rehash all her issues or wrong-doings or count who’s on which side isn’t really helping you let go. 

Your goal should now be putting her behind you, rather than repeatedly inflaming your own negative feelings about her.