When someone shares your information without your permssion

[Cherylyn]

Hello ENotAloners!

What would you do if a friend,  relative or whomever did the following to you:

Forwarded your texts,  messages and emails without  your permission and unbeknownst to you to mutual people in your life with the intent of deliberately causing discord and mayhem between you, someone in your household, mutual friends or family.  In other words, deliberately pulling others into the fray and complicating the dynamic grotesquely.  And, these people are suddenly angry at you because they're involved by default. 

Leaving messages on your landline's answering machine and directly saying that whoever is listening to this voice mail or answering machine, needs to tell you that YOU are mentally ill.  

This is called 'stirring the pot' and 'creating a hornet's nest' with people in your life.  The perpetrator deflects attention away from them and onto you so you're left with a humiliating hot mess.  The perpetrator deliberately attempts to create turmoil in your household or with other mutual people whom you and the perpetrator know.   This perpetrator fights dirty and doesn't play by the rules. 

It's very sneaky and underhanded to use this wicked strategy.   

Has this ever happened to you and if so, what did you do?  Or, what would you do?

Thank you much ENotAloners. 

 

[MissCanuck]

No, this has never happened to me. 

Is this your sister again? 

[left due to request]

I would guess this is your sister's retaliation for the holiday gathering.  Unfortunately, if the letters and text are what you wrote, you can't do much about it but to bear the consequence of your writing.  Yes people will be mad at you and yes it will cause mayhem but it is what you wrote.

Best defense for you at this time is to let them know that you are sorry. 

Don't ever write anything to your sister again.  Just call her and argue it out.  Verbal conversations leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and denials but unfortunately writings can not be denied.

HIPPA is protected health information, so it is often illegal to share your medical condition with anyone, unless of course, your approval was given.

I hear things like this happens in family but never happened to me or anyone I know.

[Cherylyn]

1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

No, this has never happened to me. 

Is this your sister again? 

Yes, @MissCanuck.  She did this a while ago and this is one of the many reasons why I don't trust her.  She has a sneaky side to her which is pure evil.  I can never let my guard down.  Trust disappeared.

[Cherylyn]

58 minutes ago, rsml123 said:

I would guess this is your sister's retaliation for the holiday gathering.  Unfortunately, if the letters and text are what you wrote, you can't do much about it but to bear the consequence of your writing.  Yes people will be mad at you and yes it will cause mayhem but it is what you wrote.

Best defense for you at this time is to let them know that you are sorry. 

Don't ever write anything to your sister again.  Just call her and argue it out.  Verbal conversations leaves a lot of room for misunderstandings and denials but unfortunately writings can not be denied.

HIPPA is protected health information, so it is often illegal to share your medical condition with anyone, unless of course, your approval was given.

I hear things like this happens in family but never happened to me or anyone I know.

Thank you @rsml123Actually she did this a while ago and not during the holiday season. 

Apologize?  I have nothing to be sorry for.  To the contrary, I am the one owed the apology.  I wrote the truth to her about our cousin's husband's harassment and what he did to not only me but 14 other women including my cousin's mother, stepmother, neighbor, friends and niece whom I did not know about until after I came forward to my cousin.  Because my sister couldn't handle the truth, she called me a 'slanderous loose cannon' and forwarded my information to others. 

As "luck" would have it, fortunately, my MIL (mother-in-law) was called a liar after she was attacked by her boss at work when she was 19 years old.  (Almost raped but fled.)  She ran home, told her mother and grandmother and they both called her a liar.  They commanded MIL never to speak of this "fabrication" again because her boss was a family man, deacon of their small town church and pillar of their community.  They silenced her.

I was never close to my local MIL but I thank my lucky stars that her scary experience causes her and SIL (sister-in-law - her daughter - my husband's sister) to actually believe me.  Since they know what it feels like to be called a liar, they're in my corner.   It was purely coincidence but I'll take it!  My in-laws and relatives are local.

You are fortunate not to have family deceive and betray you.  I trust my sister as much as I trust Judas. 

[MissCanuck]

20 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Yes, @MissCanuck.  She did this a while ago and this is one of the many reasons why I don't trust her.  She has a sneaky side to her which is pure evil.  I can never let my guard down.  Trust disappeared.

Fair enough. 

All you can do is ignore it. Otherwise, it will consume you. 

[Wiseman2]

Use the Miranda Rights approach with people like this. Stay silent because anything you say can and will be held against you. Disengage entirely. Do not discuss her with others and do not communicate with her. You can't control what she does but you can control what you say and do. Steer clear of conversations with her or about her.

[Cherylyn]

22 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Use the Miranda Rights approach with people like this. Stay silent because anything you say can and will be held against you. Disengage entirely. Do not discuss her with others and do not communicate with her. You can't control what she does but you can control what you say and do. Steer clear of conversations with her or about her.

Thank you @Wiseman2.  I steer clear because an underhanded person is dangerous.  Ha!  And she invites me to her house to eat?  No thanks!  😡

[Cherylyn]

She called me a liar via text which I've saved in Cloud Storage,  saved in several PCs, there are hard copy prints, my husband, members of my household, in-laws, brother and mother have seen this text upon their requests.  I have evidence and proof.  I retaliated.  She put herself in a humiliating dilemma.  The tables were turned and I gave her a taste of her own medicine.  What goes around comes around.

[Seraphim]

All of this will eat you up . 

[Batya33]

I’m not a fan unless it’s perfunctory as part of making a plan. I hate it if it’s personal too.  If I need to forward an email so I don’t have to retype tons of stuff I delete anything personal and don’t include the whole thread - and my husband actually will forward without the email address so there’s no risk of reply all or emailing a person directly. I mean I think people should go overboard when it comes to discretion. I’m sorry this happened. 

[left due to request]

7 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Thank you @rsml123Actually she did this a while ago and not during the holiday season. 

Apologize?  I have nothing to be sorry for.  To the contrary, I am the one owed the apology.  I wrote the truth to her about our cousin's husband's harassment and what he did to not only me but 14 other women including my cousin's mother, stepmother, neighbor, friends and niece whom I did not know about until after I came forward to my cousin.  Because my sister couldn't handle the truth, she called me a 'slanderous loose cannon' and forwarded my information to others. 

As "luck" would have it, fortunately, my MIL (mother-in-law) was called a liar after she was attacked by her boss at work when she was 19 years old.  (Almost raped but fled.)  She ran home, told her mother and grandmother and they both called her a liar.  They commanded MIL never to speak of this "fabrication" again because her boss was a family man, deacon of their small town church and pillar of their community.  They silenced her.

I was never close to my local MIL but I thank my lucky stars that her scary experience causes her and SIL (sister-in-law - her daughter - my husband's sister) to actually believe me.  Since they know what it feels like to be called a liar, they're in my corner.   It was purely coincidence but I'll take it!  My in-laws and relatives are local.

You are fortunate not to have family deceive and betray you.  I trust my sister as much as I trust Judas. 

I meant apologize to people she forwarded your e-mails.  Those are your words whether it was hurtful or not.  I would imagine that your sister would forward damaging information you wrote on particular individuals to those people.

If she forwarded your current issues you are having with your sister to others, then they would simply think your sister needs help.  Most will respond to those letters by saying 'i agree or I can understand what you're going through..' without really thinking about it.  Why?  Most people avoid conflicts and do not wish to get involved in other people's problem.

Whether you like it or not, she is your sister.  Have a boundary and stay clear of what she does.

[tattoobunnie]

16 hours ago, Cherylyn said:

Has this ever happened to you and if so, what did you do?  Or, what would you do?

My MIL does all the crap you've mentioned, and still does.  What did I do? I cut off all communication with her since 2011, and she has never met my kids.  She tries to visit, but I have the cops tell her to beat it.  My hubs has gone through 4 different telephone numbers, and she still finds his new number. 

She loves to call his friends, my folks, his jobs, my work (my employees answer) anyone she can get a hold of and tell them how we're horrible human beings.  This is a tactic to get the subject of their abuse to call them back.  Don't buy into it, and be honest to the people they are approaching about what's happening.

Just because they are a blood relative and you've had good times, does not mean they can get abuse you at will.  HUGS.  They won't get better.  There is no treatment for narcissism.

[SooSad33]

This is obviously a sick individual 😕 .

She is struggling with some mental issue's, not the other way around....

Any way your family can do an intervention & try to get her in for some prof help?

If anything, the rest of the family have a 'meet' and discuss this whole mess.  I am sure anyone who knows her, knows her instability.

As for her calls etc and you saying hubby having to change numbers constantly, can he not just block her number?  That, or make a record of all of this and make a report for 'harassment'.  Then she can get warned to stop.

 

[smackie9]

I have experienced purposeful antagonized behavior in my past. It's the only way they feel a sense of control due to their own insecurities. It's a form of abusive behavior. Some grow out of it because they mature later in life. Those who don't would possibly be considered as psychopaths.  The only way I dealt with it was to walk away and kick that person out of my life. Keep yourself on the low down, and keep your distance from them. 

[Cherylyn]

16 hours ago, Seraphim said:

All of this will eat you up . 

True @Seraphim .  Everyone's troubles eat them up!  ☹️

[Seraphim]

31 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

True @Seraphim .  Everyone's troubles eat them up!  ☹️

Not necessarily. If you let it go for your OWN sake, it no longer does. It doesn’t mean you let them off the hook it means you bring peace to your own mind. 

[Cherylyn]

10 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

It doesn’t mean you let them off the hook it means you bring peace to your own mind. 

Thank you @Seraphim .  Never let people off the hook!  That's key.  People need to know they can't get away with bad behavior. 

[Cherylyn]

15 hours ago, Batya33 said:

I’m not a fan unless it’s perfunctory as part of making a plan. I hate it if it’s personal too.  If I need to forward an email so I don’t have to retype tons of stuff I delete anything personal and don’t include the whole thread - and my husband actually will forward without the email address so there’s no risk of reply all or emailing a person directly. I mean I think people should go overboard when it comes to discretion. I’m sorry this happened. 

I forward emails but delete anything personal or I'll copy and paste.  Email addresses are deleted.  This is with regards to generic info; never anything personal nor confidential. 

Thank you @Batya33.  The problem is her sinister motives.  Then it's a game changer and causes fast enemies.

[Seraphim]

You are not getting my point because you are focused on revenge. However, when out for revenge dig two graves. 

[Cherylyn]

14 hours ago, rsml123 said:

I meant apologize to people she forwarded your e-mails.  Those are your words whether it was hurtful or not.  I would imagine that your sister would forward damaging information you wrote on particular individuals to those people.

If she forwarded your current issues you are having with your sister to others, then they would simply think your sister needs help.  Most will respond to those letters by saying 'i agree or I can understand what you're going through..' without really thinking about it.  Why?  Most people avoid conflicts and do not wish to get involved in other people's problem.

Whether you like it or not, she is your sister.  Have a boundary and stay clear of what she does.

Thank you @rsml123.  I never wrote damaging information about individuals on texts and emails which my sister forwarded to others.  As for apologies, as luck would have it, her plotting and scheming ways actually backfired sorely. 

My sister gaslights me and tells me that I'm the one who needs help.  Again, gaslighting galore because she never takes responsibility and instead she's BS-ing and does what she does best which is deflecting and gaslighting.  

I agree the majority of people couldn't care less my brother included who by the way, doesn't have my back nor bothers to intervene to defend nor clear my name.  He is self-serving and doesn't want to alienate his other sister nor jeopardize his relationship with her.  Ever since he let it be known what his stance was, I've suddenly withdrawn my former monetary generosity to him as of late.  He's feeling it, too.  In the past, I drove all the way to his house to deliver home cooked meals, groceries, household supplies, house items and anything that costs hard money.  Never bite the hand that feeds you.  He has since noticed no more abundance of free gifts.  Also, no more endearments, nicknames, jokes, small talk and the like.  I'm all business now and what goes around comes around.

Yes, she is my sister.  Ironically, my best friends are my real sisters.  My biological sister is reminiscent of school yard bullies.  

[MissCanuck]

This one is going to cost you way too much emotional energy, OP. 

I would instead focus on ways for you to cope with your deep anger and hurt towards her. It's already taking too much of a toll on you. 

[Cherylyn]

2 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

You are not getting my point because you are focused on revenge. However, when out for revenge dig two graves. 

I get your point.  Thank you @Seraphim   It's getting better.  I really don't do anything.  Passive aggressive behavior is highly effective because it requires the least amount of effort.  Doing nothing is highly efficient.  🙂

[Seraphim]

So if people don’t side with you and pick on your sister and not have a relationship with her they get ousted ? That doesn’t show you in a good light either. 

[Cherylyn]

3 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

This one is going to cost you way too much emotional energy, OP. 

I would instead focus on ways for you to cope with your deep anger and hurt towards her. It's already taking too much of a toll on you. 

Thank you @MissCanuck.  I'm working on it.  The more I decline, the safer I feel.