Is this a red flag?

[Redrose222]

I met this guy off Tinder back in November. We hit it off and have been seeing each other casually every few weeks. We have slept together. We have not talked about what we were looking for, which is probably a little immature, but I figured we were on the same page. I am looking for casual connections by the way, open to serious if it happens. His dating profile was always vague. It doesn’t list his interests or what he’s looking for. It’s only about two sentences long. 

Last week I went over his house and we were talking and kids came up. He said first that he didn’t want kids and couldn’t imagine having them. I agreed. We had a long discussion on this topic. Yesterday I went back on Tinder and looked at his dating profile out of boredom. He just added to his profile that he is open to having kids now. I don’t know, I think it’s a little strange that someone could change their mind in one week about having kids and then add that specifically to their profile. If he is doing it to get more matches with women, that is a big red flag for me because that is manipulative. I’ve noticed that every time we hang out, he changes something on his profile soon after. Just wondering other people’s thoughts on this or if I am overthinking on this one. 

[jul-els]

I would base your opinion more on what you’ve seen in person and less about what you’ve seen on a website. You’re feeling some incompatibility in communication with him. Based on what you’ve written, I sense that your gut is telling you he’s not a great match. Listen to it. It’s very rarely wrong. 

[Jaunty]

You're not being honest with yourself.   Why are you repeatedly checking his profile?  Why are his opinions on potential kids important enough to you that you'd start a thread about it - but at the same time, you were fine getting into a sexual relationship with a guy who you don't know and who had a 2 sentence profile on a dating site?

The more I read on these forums, the clearer it becomes to me that  "looking for casual connections" that lead to sex with no parameters set, and at the same time being "open for serious if it happens" is just a recipe for fail.   "Serious" rarely just "happens" because strangers have sex.   It's generally pretty intentional.

Anyway, his dating profile is bugging you, just move on now.

[Andrina]

11 minutes ago, Redrose222 said:

We have not talked about what we were looking for, which is probably a little immature

I'll address this first, since I disagree. I'd say finding out the earlier the better if a person's dating style/life goals matches yours is wise, so you don't waste your time. Assuming is the worst thing you can do.

Of course, you don't even know if what a stranger says is truthful or not. You just have to have a wait-and-see attitude.

Of course everyone begins casual, but some people have short term goals and others are searching for a longterm companion.

In addressing your overthinking things, you say you don't want children. He now says on his profile he's open to having children. He typed those words out. So why would you waste any more of your time? You two have different lifetime goals.

And don't fool yourself, saying you looked at his profile out of boredom. You keep looking at it because you're becoming invested. 

From the outside looking in, getting together once every two weeks doesn't spell high interest to me. 

[Lambert]

It's not a red flag if you are only looking for casual connections.  Just make sure to use protection from both diseases and pregnancy. However, your actions don't seem like casual-- talking about kids, seeing him regularly, checking out his profile.

Make sure you are on the same page with you.  Things get a lot easier when your actions match what you want.  

[Batya33]

I agree that the main problem is you’re being a bit dishonest with yourself about what you’re looking for. 

[Kwothe28]

You sleped with the guy and then just assumed that you are on the same page? What page is that? That you both like casual sex? Not how it works and yes, sleeping with somebody and then just complaining how you are not on the same page is a recipe for disaster. Why havent you at least talked what you expect from your relationship? When even you admit that is immature thing to not do?

[Wiseman2]

1 hour ago, Redrose222 said:

. If he is doing it to get more matches with women, that is a big red flag for me because that is manipulative. I’ve noticed that every time we hang out, he changes something on his profile soon after. 

It seems like that's exactly what he's doing.  Broadening the net for his hookup collection.

[Cherylyn]

I think it's a red flag when there's a discrepancy between your discussion with him in person and he contradicted himself on social media or it doesn't matter where.  He's the one who is dishonest and didn't remain consistent with what he told you.  His preference NOT to have kids doesn't match with what he wrote so yes indeed, it's alarming.  It doesn't have to be about only kids either.  It can be about anything whenever what one says doesn't match with what one writes especially in front of an audience for appearance's and / or approval's sake.  Yes, he's shady.  I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him.  He would lie to your face and be okay with it.  You'd better shop around.

[catfeeder]

On 1/7/2023 at 12:07 PM, Redrose222 said:

I am looking for casual connections by the way,

Okay, you've found one. Casual is casual, so all else becomes irrelevant.

If you want a serious relationship, your best way to find one is to be up front about that, and narrow your pool down to those who are seeking the same thing.