Ex says he's still in love with me - do I tell my boyfriend?

[unhappyinlove1]

Alrighty - this just happened a few moments ago. My ex and I broke up seven years ago and stayed friends all this time. We talk once every month or so - sometimes not for a few months and once not for a year. I have no feelings for him except friendship. That's how it was with him, too (so I thought). He's been depressed lately and he just called me to tell me that he misses me and is still in love with me. He said he wants us to have another chance if things don't work with my current boyfriend. I was nice, but I told that he was hard to get over and that chance was gone a long time ago.

 

I think he's just sad and is confusing his loving feelings for "in love". We once were in love, but that was a really long time ago... he's just remembering the good times we had. He lives accross the country from me, so it's not like he's going to come knocking on my door to try to change my mind. My mind couldn't be changed anyway.

 

My current boyfriend and I are serious (I'm in love with him) and I'm meeting the family very soon (I posted on that before). My current boyfriend knows we still talk sometimes and is fine with it.

 

This last conversation crosses the line in my opinion (not on my part) - should I tell my b/f about this? Should I just let it go b/c it is nothing for him to be worried about? He's been irritable lately, so should I tell him after I visit the family or just forget about it? Is it a betayal to not tell him? Thanks in advance for any input!!!

[usied]

well , if its not really a big deal on your side...you're happy with your bf and have no feelings for the ex..then why not tell him , is he really jealous ? but honesty is the best policy def its just easier to tell the truth ....if everything is well with your current realationship there shouldnt be a problem right? just be like wow (exes name) told me today that he still loves me after 7 years...poor guys prolly lonely , ask your bf if he has any nice gal pals?

[newts]

Hi Unhappy,

 

I believe that you need to honest and up front with your partner at all times, given the events of your last post I don't believe the time to tell him is now. Wait until you get meeting the parents over and done with first and then maybe tell him. I would be more inclined not to tell him at all as it doesn't really effect you or your current partner, and in disagreements this point may come back to haunt you. It's up to you, however, wait for the right timing.

[brando]

I would leave it alone and not tell. If it isnt effecting the relationship then why bhe only person to bother. The only person who needs to deal wit it is you, and you feel differently than your ex does. Maybe you should not talk to your ex as much, explain to him again you dont feel the same way, are in love with the new guy, and if he has respect for you he will leave you alone and deal with his emotions.

 

I dont believe in telling partners every detail of my life, some things are not meant to be shared with a romantic interest.

 

I think it is cool of him to except you talking to your ex, some relationships couldnt even handle this, ( mostly insecurities), and if you do tell your bf it may open a can of worms that neednt be opened.

 

let it go.

[unhappyinlove1]

Thanks everyone for the insightful comments. I pondered over this for some time and decided not to tell him (at least not now). If a related subject ever comes up or if he asks about the ex - I'll tell him, but otherwise I'll drop it. So, I'm going with the thought that there's nothing to tell, so why bring it up. I believe in total honesty, so I won't avoid it if a related subject somehow comes up.

 

Thanks all - and I'll let everyone know on my other post how the "visiting the family nerves" situation turns out!

[Mikhail_Scosyrev]

If you think your current boyfriend would choose knowing, then definitelly tell him.

 

Would you like to know something like this about your bf?

 

I think most people prefer knowing the truth, even unpleasant, rather than being ignorant.

 

Good luck.