Older Man/Younger Woman Different Cultures

[Phamtastic_sarah]

 Hello Everyone. I need to vent and find some validation and advice regarding a relationship.  It's a relationship on both ends of the scale, but involves culture and age as well...I have been in love with a man who older and a different culture, I've been with him for 4 years, and we are still madly in love. He is 53 and I'm 29.  Before everyone jumps down his throat and mine (he's not aware of my post but it's a real pic in my profile of us) I want to put it into context.. He is larger than life, a veteran and lives a fascinating life and a hero. We met while he was a government contractor and I worked for a department he reported to. I can't get into that...not important.  (He and I no longer work together,  but we do live together). We reconnected after he got out of a bad relationship and at a reunion.  I am Vietnamese and Mexican, and he is Caucasian and Mexican (looks white, I look Vietnamese) . My family isn't thrilled with the relationship, but they do like him and he takes very good care of me, and I take care of him. I am tired of feeling like I have to follow societal rules. I will have other questions about things,  but this issue is hurting us so badly. Here are the biggest issues that I'm constantly bombarded with..

I am told I'm beautiful, a model blah blah. I take care of myself, but I am blessed with good genes. He is older, heavier and not what society expects. People have called him a perv, that he is having a midlife crisis, or I'm a gold digger or even I'm a *** or need a daddy. I'm actually crying writing this. He is NONE of those things and NIETHER AM I. I find him beautiful, strong, sweet, funny, romantic, and loving. We have an incredible physical AND emotional relationship,  and he knows every single need emotionally and physically. We make love sometimes 2 or 3 times a day, or i make him happy when my monthly guest arrives. Its been consistent for 4 years. Oh, we argue, disagree and yes, he annoys me, and vice versa...but I love him intensely and he loves me intensely. And of course...my family has made cruel remarks despite and so has his. At least they're polite, but we feel the tension. I know the same is happening to him. He has come home angry and once got in a fight over a comment made about me. We are both becoming withdrawn from people around us and even family. Its hurting but I am not leaving him and he won't leave me. What do we so? Thanks..John and Sarah

[Capricorn3]

31 minutes ago, Phamtastic_sarah said:

 What do we do?

Embrace it.  If your relationship has been happy for the past 4 years, then carry on doing what you're doing.  You don't owe anyone any explanations. People will talk and make remarks about anything in life, we have no control over that.  If it's working for the two of you, then embrace it. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy what you have.

[Kwothe28]

I watched this popular show "90 Days Fiance". Where people meet online and apply for US visa and have 90 days to marry. Basically people who are mostly in it for the visa or fortune. Anyway, do you know what most preveilant archetype on that show is? Young Asian woman and old white American man. If I only saw the picture of you two, I would probably say the same as those people.

Anyway, its just stereotypes. At the end of the day, you shouldnt care. If you love each other its not really that big of a deal. Is it out of the ordinary? Sure. But you both are grown people and do nothing illegal. So, just dont pay attention.

[Batya33]

You do you.  People always have opinions.  People who choose to be rude express those opinions when they are not asked for them or give unsolicited "advice".  I did things nontraditionally and some of the comments were ridiculous and overreaching.  Those comments say a lot -about the person making them not about me and not about you.  Enjoy!

[SooSad33]

Well, we can't please everyone... right? 😉 .

I'd say after 4 yrs, you're doing okay.  Then that's good. Carry on!

Ignore other people's dumb comments.  At the end of the day you still have each other.  

Ignore other ppl's crap. And tell the bf the same - that we can't please everyone.

If you two have a real connection & it's going okay, then that's what matters!

[Phamtastic_sarah]

22 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I watched this popular show "90 Days Fiance". Where people meet online and apply for US visa and have 90 days to marry. Basically people who are mostly in it for the visa or fortune. Anyway, do you know what most preveilant archetype on that show is? Young Asian woman and old white American man. If I only saw the picture of you two, I would probably say the same as those people.

Anyway, its just stereotypes. At the end of the day, you shouldnt care. If you love each other its not really that big of a deal. Is it out of the ordinary? Sure. But you both are grown people and do nothing illegal. So, just dont pay attention.

 Thank you for your insight. I was born in the US, and as I mentioned, we met at a place we worked together.  I actually watch 90 Day , and agree with you 100% unfortunately, these shows perpetuate some stereotypes we actually face to some degree. One of his so called friends wife asked the same thing.  Your thoughts are appreciated,  as are the positive comments. I may be having a little "morning after" regret about details, but I was writing from the heart, which was hurting a lot less. I'm not a "wear your heart on your sleeve type, but it shows the damage that peoples words have...if you let them. I'm glad there are people like you who aren't like that. 

[Phamtastic_sarah]

1 hour ago, SooSad33 said:

Well, we can't please everyone... right? 😉 .

I'd say after 4 yrs, you're doing okay.  Then that's good. Carry on!

 Thank you so much! We aren't a perfect couple, but we are learning as we go...but we have love. Thank you for you comment and feedback ❤

[Phamtastic_sarah]

23 hours ago, Capricorn3 said:

Embrace it.  If your relationship has been happy for the past 4 years, then carry on doing what you're doing.  You don't owe anyone any explanations. People will talk and make remarks about anything in life, we have no control over that.  If it's working for the two of you, then embrace it. Live your life to the fullest and enjoy what you have.

Thank you also for the encouragement and reaffirming comments❤.