How do I get her back?

[RelationDilemmas]

My ex girlfriend 32 and me 35 took a break after 10 months of dating because I needed time to clear my head as a recent divorcee and was scared because we had a really strong love connection.  we both mutually agreed that we shared the strongest and best relationship we’ve ever had. We remained in contact through Halloween. However during that time, she met someone else around the 15th of November. I came home from thanksgiving ready to confess how much I loved her and that I was ready we had a long phone conversation about how she wants to explore her new relationship. 

It was hard but she said that she felt that I shouldn’t reach out anymore and I’ve respected her wishes since Nov 29th. I went into strict no contact but can still feel her and she looks at my stories all the time (I don’t look at hers) 

I’m not mad at her, but really want to put an effort in to get her back while there’s still time. Do any women have advice on what could work on someone who has rebounded but I know loves me still??

Should I stay in no contact until she reaches out or should I do something like have a conversation face to face coming completely clean about how I feel?

[Batya33]

She might have loving feelings for you and at the same time she is choosing this man just like you chose fear over her and took the risk that you would lose her in the meanwhile which you did.  Love is not enough.  What I would do is completely stay out of her life.  She knows how you feel.  In the future she might contact you, might be single again and might want to try again and at that point -if it happens -if you are still interested and available then you two can explore whether you two have changed enough so that this time you will choose commitment over fear.  

I got back together with my ex fiancee several years after our cancelled wedding.  I was scared momentarily when he asked me to try again.  I chose him over fear.  I did feel jitters at times because it's kind of normal when the first time was such a failure.  I chose him and our love and our commitment over those jitters which resolved. They were jitters -not core-shaking doubts. You felt scared because of overwhelmingly strong feelings.  You felt vulnerable apparently. 

It's fine that you chose fear over her and it's unfair to expect her to wait for you. But again I'd leave her 100% alone so you don't interfere in her new relationship and move on -who knows what can happen in the future?

[catfeeder]

I don't know what to tell you. The problem I'd have with someone who wants to come back to me is that he'd already shown me how he handles bumps in the road--and that's to walk away and leave me flat.

Taking such a person back would mean living a future of anxiety trying to balance on eggshells, never knowing when the next thing will send him off again.

So the lesson I'd take from this is, most people consider walking away as not something you can recover from. If you do it, consider it to be a permanent decision.

[Wiseman2]

Unfortunately you hurt her and she wants no part of that. You were rebounding and that often doesn't end well. Let her be. Reflect and relax so you can move forward rather than backward.

[Kwothe28]

You made a bad choice. Unfortunately for you, now you have to live with the consequences of that choice. Sometimes we dont get a do over. Whether she lies about being with somebody because you hurt her or really met somebody, its irrellevant. You need to accept that its over and move on. So, stay NC.

[RelationDilemmas]

On 12/24/2022 at 9:13 PM, Wiseman2 said:

Unfortunately you hurt her and she wants no part of that. You were rebounding and that often doesn't end well. Let her be. Reflect and relax so you can move forward rather than backward.

She rebounded...not me.

[MissCanuck]

This one is done, OP. 

She knows she can't trust you with her heart anymore. That is a huge blow and usually the end. 

23 hours ago, BDilema said:

She rebounded...not me.

You were on the rebound from your marriage. Otherwise, being a recent divorcé wouldn't have factored into your choice to dump her. 

I am sorry. She wasn't the one for you, but there will be others. 

[Tiddytok5]

It's over.

 

Respect her wishes.

 

Work on yourself.

 

In due time, you'll find someone else who you are compatible with genuinely.

 

Doubt this is genuine "love" ..who knows.

This sounds like you rebounded.

 

You aren't comfortable with being single, so you picked her...

Because it's probably an ego stroke to know that you are given attention and desired.

You're infatuated with the attention she gives you because perhaps you never received this kind of attention in your marriage...or ever

You've just recently divorced.

You're just rebounding.

Take a 2 years or longer and be single. Work on yourself.

Nothing serious.

 

She has moved on and asked you to do the same.

 

 

She may not even watch your stories...

 

Leave her alone. Her choice is made.