Trying to decode guys feeling

[dippy100]

Hello sorry to trouble you but hoping to get some feedback.  I have been seeing a guy for over a year now....we started off as fwbs but have eased off of sex due to life stresses he is having...we talk to eachother every night for two hours (playing games) and I go over to spend the night every weekend...we did a early x Mas and I had gotten a card from him...in it he said I was his best friend and wonderful woman and at the end he said love (his name). He has never said the love word before so I am not sure if he means he does love me but taking things slow which is ok I just wanted to get feedback from other guys what that means to you when you use that word...

[DarkCh0c0]

Are you in a relationship with guy?

[dippy100]

9 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

Are you in a relationship with guy?

We always just called us...us never really put a title on it...we basically do everything a couple would be doing 

[DarkCh0c0]

Just now, Foxglove03 said:

We always just called us...us never really put a title on it...we basically do everything a couple would be doing 

But you're not his gf. You're still fwb.

If he wanted you to be more than that, he would have had that relationship convo with you. Instead you got:

26 minutes ago, Foxglove03 said:

best friend and wonderful woman and at the end he said love (his name)

Whether he finished it with love or not, I would say he still sees you as a friend.

Are you hoping for more? Why not have that conversation with him where you talk about this situationship and learn about his intentions?

[Batya33]

I would watch the actions.  He is a person you had a sexual arrangement with.  Now he doesn’t want that anymore. He never wanted to be committed to you and he doesn’t care if you keep your options open as far as dating or having sex with others. It’s not just a title - if he wanted to be with you he’d want you to know his intentions and commitment.  He’d be excited to call you his girlfriend.

 He’d want to make sure no other man snapped up his special lady.  You’d never have to try to interpret words on a card because you’d already know.  He’d never ever want you to wonder what his intentions were. 
If you choose to continue hanging out with him know that the impression you’re giving is you’re content with how things stand.  Friends who have sex when they feel like it.
But you’re lying to yourself because you want more.  Don’t lie to yourself. IMHO.  Good luck and take care of yourself. 
also it sounds like you weren’t good friends first - you met and decided to have casual sex. You called it “FWB “ for some reason - but were you truly close friends before you started having sex ?

[Kwothe28]

1 hour ago, Foxglove03 said:

we basically do everything a couple would be doing 

Early Christmas is not Christmas. And you going to him so you could have sex is not a relationship. Its a FWB and he sticks to it. Its you who has a delusions its something more.

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Foxglove03 said:

 taking things slow which is ok 

 How old is he? There's really nothing to decode. You're two people who care about each other.

You say you don't mind "taking it slowly", but it's not going anywhere because you're both content with talking and one night a week and the established status quo.

Hopefully you're not hoping it's going from FWB to friends to a relationship?

Try not to read Into semantics as an indicator of a direction it's going. Why can't it just be what it is if you are both happy with that?

[HeartGoesOn]

2 hours ago, Foxglove03 said:

I am not sure if he means he does love me but taking things slow which is ok

You've been sleeping together for a year therefore where does "taking it slow" fit in here.  I think you're looking for signs and settling for crumbs while hoping this will turn into a relationship.

Having sex does not guarantee a relationship, as it takes time to build trust, knowing the person well enough, etc.  My guess is this situation has a short shelf life, and will end sooner, rather than later. It's time to raise the bar.

 

[Jaunty]

I'm sorry but quitting having sex is not the way to progress from FWB to boyfriend/girlfriend.

Honestly I don't know of FWB's that actually ended  up in a serious relationship though I'm sure they're out there.

I don't think you should hold out any hope for a romantic relationship with this fellow.  It sounds like you actually are real friends.

[Andrina]

20 hours ago, Foxglove03 said:

sorry to trouble you

The above line and your entire post is laden with your clear lack of self-esteem. If you can't even truly love yourself, it's hard to expect the healthy kind of love you should be seeking, since people with low self-worth attract, and accept, under par predators or lazy men who are happy to get sex without any effort a commitment demands.

20 hours ago, Foxglove03 said:

I am not sure if he means he does love me but taking things slow which is ok

Believe me, doormats are not appealing. People with confidence are who the majority of people are attracted to.

When you fear asking the questions you want answers to, it's because you're afraid of the answer. And people who want to take anything at other than a normal pace are to be avoided. Not that he's taking any pace because you've never even discussed having a dating relationship and evolving into boyfriend/girlfriend.

You've got a lot of work to do on building your self worth if you want romantic success in your life. Start by reading articles and books on the subject, and employing the advice. And then don't wait around for a man to tell you how it's going to be or keep mum about your own needs because you're afraid he'll run away.

Know your relationship goals, clearly, and cut men loose as soon as you see they don't meet your main needs. That leaves you single to keep dating until you find a man who matches what you want. It's okay, and healthy, to have standards. Embrace the motto: I'm the treasure and a man has to treat me right to keep me in his life. (Not until you achieve that mindset will you be ready to date.) 

Take care.

[MissCanuck]

On 12/21/2022 at 9:33 PM, dippy100 said:

not sure if he means he does love me but taking things slow

He's not just taking things slow; he's actually going backwards. 

You were FWB. Now it seems you are mostly just friends. This is not a man who wants an actual relationship with you. It would have happened by now. 

I am sorry. It's best that you extricate yourself from this or you are going to waste another year on him and have nothing to show for it.  

[Days and Confused]

Sex is very important to a man, it’s one of the strongest ways we feel connected to our partner.

I think you need to have a conversation with him.

I get lots of notes and cards from female friends that say “love” and their name 

they are just close friends !

Hope this helps