candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 So i just got married a month ago and have been dating my husbands for a year. 2 days ago, with the new apple update you are able to see the recently deleted messages and i decided to be snoopy and look through it. there were a couple threads that alerted me so i recovered the messages and ready them. the messages stated from him "are you available right now" and she replied with a whole menu of what they offer which was sex and hand jobs and blowjobs except anything anal. he then stated "can i get a bj for $120, i finish very fast at 6:58am . He was out of the house by then and his wasn't the only message. there were other numbers on going messages that were lengthy conversations of making appointments and she kept calling him baby. then there as another message where he asked if she was available again and she said she will be in 15 min but then he got busy at work and texted her back a couple hours later indicating that he was busy but now he stepped out for lunch. she never responded. after i saw this, i confronted him and he immediately said it wasn't him. he said one of his clients uses his phone all the time and he wrote this. he then deleted all the messages and all of the screenshots i took from my phone and he made sure not a single piece of evidence was out in the open. he keeps telling me it wasnt him however this "other guy who did this" doesn't seem to exist. he has no evidence stating his point and im not sure if he actually did something but there are messages showing me he was definitely initiating it. we get intimate all the time and he has a high sex drive but i feel like it might not be enough and when things are bad at home, this might be his escape. i am not sure but as for our sexual relationship, nothing has changed so it doesnt make sense as to why he would do this. What do you guys think? Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 40 minutes ago, candy1979 said: he then deleted all the messages and all of the screenshots i took from my phone and he made sure not a single piece of evidence was out in the open POS!!! You mean he didn't want YOU to have evidence to bring to the court as you divorce his a$$. 40 minutes ago, candy1979 said: he immediately said it wasn't him. he said one of his clients uses his phone all the time and he wrote this It's ALL BS. He's selling you BS. He's a selfish liar, cheater and he belongs to the street! Your gut knew something was up and that's why you looked on his phone. Why on earth would his friend message via his phone? And his friend happened to leave work at the same time? BS. 40 minutes ago, candy1979 said: there are messages showing me he was definitely initiating it Please consult a lawyer asap confidentially and start keeping records of your conversations (voice record him for example when he admits to more) and change your phone's password. Don't let him take you for a fool, cause that's what he's doing now. I'm pretty sure if you probe him more, he will tell you a slightly different story/details that don't really line up. That's what cheaters do. Also, please get checked for STDs asap. I'm sorry it's like this. It sounds terrifying but have the upper hand and stand up to yourself. You have done nothing to warrant such trash behaviour from your husband. What were you thinking of doing? Please don't naively believe in his crap story. 2 Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 I am not sure what to do. he said that " his client ran out of minutes on his phone" so that why he used his but who in the world has phone minutes now? doesnt even make sense. I dont believe the story at all. all he keeps saying is that it wasnt him and hed never cheat and "this client was coming everyday" and now hes nowhere to be found. he also wanted to show me surveillance from his salon showing me that his client was using his phone but "the cameras werent working" Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Call a lawyer today and your doctor . He is full of you know what. Who the hell “ runs out of minutes “ and doesn’t have an inclusive plan. Please, no one. 2 Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 16 minutes ago, candy1979 said: he also wanted to show me surveillance from his salon showing me that his client was using his phone but "the cameras werent working" Utter BS. That's another lie. He betrayed you and his commitment to this marriage. I'm so sorry you are going through this 💚 You might be in the shock/denial stage right now, but you need to contact a lawyer asap. 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 I'm sorry you are going through this. It sounds like you had very little trust of him in the first place if you chose to go through his messages. (Also of course he would have told you what happened with his made-up client in case you saw the messages) 1 Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 i actually trusted him alot but i decided to just do it and see if anything was hidden and it was. but now i am wondering if he did this before when we were dating before we got married Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 5 minutes ago, candy1979 said: i actually trusted him alot but i decided to just do it and see if anything was hidden and it was. but now i am wondering if he did this before when we were dating before we got married Your actions mean you didn't trust him -otherwise why would a newlywed even think to check "if anything was hidden?" Had you ever checked up on him before? I'm sorry you are in this situation. Link to comment
DarkCh0c0 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 The fact he removed all evidence from your phone shows that he doesn't want you to have evidence specially for a divorce case. When you take him to court for cheating, they will be very strict with him when you show the evidence. You'd win the case. Please collect any evidence and bring up the topic again but while recording him as proof. Be smart and change your phone's lock. And ofc contact a lawyer asap and get checked on STDs. It's so infuriating. How dare he take you for a fool. You need to trust the evidence and yourself on this one. 1 Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 yeah i have and i also had this girl text me in the begging of our relationship that he commented heart eyes on her post and she sent me the messages. i checked here and there after that but i feel like hes sneaky with it and he deletes everything but with the new apple update, youre able to see the recently deleted messages and he didnt know that existed Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 now that he knows, i feel like hell just deleted from there too and just be extra careful Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 3 minutes ago, candy1979 said: yeah i have and i also had this girl text me in the begging of our relationship that he commented heart eyes on her post and she sent me the messages. i checked here and there after that but i feel like hes sneaky with it and he deletes everything but with the new apple update, youre able to see the recently deleted messages and he didnt know that existed If you checked up on him you didn't trust him -and not nearly enough to marry him. Hopefully you can get a divorce, start fresh and associate with people you would never dream of checking up on even here or there. I've known my husband over 20 years, been married almost 15 and I've never once checked any message, email, whatever and never thought to. Same the other way around. Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 i guess he doesnt trust me either because he checked my phone through the very begging and he found very old messages of my ex before i started dating him and assumed i was still in contact with my ex but i wasnt. he goes through my phone more than i go through his but every time he goes through it, he doesnt find anything because i dont hide anything. and i let him go through it because if i dont then hell think i am hiding something and hats not the case Link to comment
Seraphim Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 He is a lying cheater. Link to comment
Coily Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 This boy is trash. Now I will advise you to check with a lawyer before recording any audio that could be used in a divorce proceeding, as in some areas that is a crime. Also amusingly, depending on jurisdiction, he is committing a criminal act with a prostitute. There is a large part of me that wants him to get picked up for being a John; talk about a slam dunk for a divorce proceeding. Given the shortness of your marriage an annulment is an option too. 1 Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 He doesn't trust you and checks your phone because he's a cheater. Cheaters tell themselves that everyone cheats to justify their cheating. Why did you marry him only after a year of dating? 1 Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 1 hour ago, candy1979 said: i guess he doesnt trust me either because he checked my phone through the very begging and he found very old messages of my ex before i started dating him and assumed i was still in contact with my ex but i wasnt. he goes through my phone more than i go through his but every time he goes through it, he doesnt find anything because i dont hide anything. and i let him go through it because if i dont then hell think i am hiding something and hats not the case He doesn’t trust himself so he doesn’t trust you. Why did you marry someone where you both feel the need to check up on each other and act on those needs? Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Your husband is cheating on you with prostitutes. There is no other explanation. I would get a full STI/HIV screening and then meet a good divorce attorney. 3 Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Batya33 said: He doesn’t trust himself so he doesn’t trust you. Why did you marry someone where you both feel the need to check up on each other and act on those needs? I never had the need to check because I always trusted him Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 1 hour ago, Lambert said: He doesn't trust you and checks your phone because he's a cheater. Cheaters tell themselves that everyone cheats to justify their cheating. Why did you marry him only after a year of dating? Thought he was the one Link to comment
MissCanuck Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 13 minutes ago, candy1979 said: I always trusted him The below was your red flag why you should have been skeptical of him prior to this: 2 hours ago, candy1979 said: he goes through my phone Classic projection. He is cheating and knows what he does on his phone when you are not looking, so he thinks you are capable of the same. Be wary of anyone who is this controlling and instrusive. It's often because they're doing exactly what they are accusing you of. He also thinks you are daft enough to buy his ridiculous cover story that a "client" is using his phone to hire prostitutes. Please tell us you are not actually considering staying with him. 1 Link to comment
candy1979 Posted December 7, 2022 Author Share Posted December 7, 2022 7 minutes ago, MissCanuck said: The below was your red flag why you should have been skeptical of him prior to this: Classic projection. He is cheating and knows what he does on his phone when you are not looking, so he thinks you are capable of the same. Be wary of anyone who is this controlling and instrusive. It's often because they're doing exactly what they are accusing you of. He also thinks you are daft enough to buy his ridiculous cover story that a "client" is using his phone to hire prostitutes. Please tell us you are not actually considering staying with him. I have no ***ing idea. Link to comment
Lambert Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 1 hour ago, candy1979 said: Thought he was the one I am sorry. It sucks what he is doing. You deserve so much better. He's insulting your intelligence with these weak stories and excuses and he is gas lighting you. like YOU'RE the one that is messed up for not believing total lies. No one believes a mystery client asked to use the phone to hire prostitutes. I mean come on. this man is delusional that anyone would or he is just so confident that you will believe whatever he says. How gross. 1 Link to comment
waffle Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 2 hours ago, candy1979 said: I have no ***ing idea. = yes, staying with him. 1 Link to comment
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