MasterofHeartaches Posted December 7, 2022 Share Posted December 7, 2022 Hi! When I was 23, my childhood best friend(who turned out to be a gay) used me and pretended that he loves me. I was happy to be with him but after a month, he broke up and got to know that he used me to hide his identity to his family and friends. It was so devastating I had a bad depression and decided to leave my hometown for good to live in another town. I learned online dating to my new friends and tried it out. It was empowering at first as I am heartbroken and I feel alone in a new place. I had plenty of meet-ups and sadly, one night stands. I was young that time (I am 32 now) and I forgot my feelings back then but I think I felt needed and love and affection. Those deeds I've done lasted for a year (or less). I found a boyfriend after that and he accepted me from my past. I changed and I told myself that I didn't want to be that person in the Past anymore. I broke up with my boyfriend that time because we are different individuals already. I have a new partner now. He told me that he loves me for who I am and tries to forget my past but I know deep in my heart it also hurts him. Everyday, and now and then, my memories of my past deed haunts me every single time. I try to forgive myself from everything I have done but still I'm still working on it..It's very hard. I try to be better every day and try to love myself but it's still not working. How can I have self compassion when I hated my past self from doing all those messed up things? Thank you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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