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An elderly man kissed me on the lips


Graystation108
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Hey guys, this just happened to me so I'm still in shock. Basically I ran into an elderly man who lives around my neighborhood, we've greeted each other and talked a few times previously so I've never had any problems with him. This started like any other conversation, we asked about our plans for the day and said goodbye. He pecked me both sides on the cheek which he has never done before, but I didn't think much of it because I've seen so many people do that when they say their goodbyes. However, he then proceeded to kiss me on the LIPS, and I was in so much shock that I didn't even react. I quickly said goodbye and walked away, but this has shaken me up quite a bit.

I know in certain cultures that it's normal for some parents and children to kiss each other on the lips, but I've never, ever had someone unrelated try to do that to me, and I certainly for sure don't want that to happen again. Does this count as a type of harassment, or is it a culture that I'm not aware of that does this?

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11 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

  I certainly for sure don't want that to happen again. 

Stay at a safe distance. The usual arms length.  If you want to chitchat with neighbors, that's ok but he shouldn't have been that close. 

Maybe he's senile or lonely or just weird, so avoid him.

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My god! I'm so sorry. This is absolutely assault.

Avoid talking to him from now on and wherever you see him, ignore and run.

How dare he! This is not a culture thing. This is him taking advantage of your kindness to test assault you and see if you'd be onboard. He's being completely inappropriate and crossing boundaries. Run, run, run!

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14 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

Yeah, I definitely don't want to run into him for a little while

It's not a cultural thing to kiss on the lips.  But standing a certain distance away from people when talking is.

Why was he even close enough to do this? 

While inappropriate, there's no reason to panic and throw him in jail for assault is there?

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1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

It's not a cultural thing to kiss on the lips.  But standing a certain distance away from people when talking is.

Why was he even close enough to do this? 

While inappropriate, there's no reason to panic and throw him in jail for assault is there?

Because he French kissed me goodbye, which hasn't crossed the line yet. Then he proceeded to do that, which caught me completely off guard

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24 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

Because he French kissed me goodbye, which hasn't crossed the line yet. 

This is very unclear. First you're saying he kissed you on the lips unexpectedly but now you're saying he held onto you long enough to put his tongue in your mouth?

Can you clarify what really happened here and what you want to make of it?

Overall, you should not have been standing close enough for this to take place. If you observe most casual neighbors talking it's usually several feet apart.

It's unclear what culture you are from and what exactly you mean by French kiss.

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12 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Can you clarify what really happened here and what you want to make of it?

So what happened was that after we finished talking, he hugged me and pecked me on both sides of my cheek as a goodbye, I assumed this to be a French kiss and didn't think much of it cuz I've seen people do this before. But after he finished that was when he kissed me on the lips, so that's why I was standing close to him. I did not see that coming at all and I was so in shock that I didn't really give a reaction at all, I just walked off very quickly. I was definitely disgusted

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5 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

I assumed this to be a French kiss and didn't think much of it cuz I've seen people do this before.

A French kiss means he put his tongue in your mouth. 

I think what you're trying to say is that he kissed you on the cheeks, in the manner of many European cultures. I live in a European country where the double-cheek kiss is a very common greeting and goodbye among people who know each other. However, randomly kissing that person on the lips is absolutely not. 

Stay away from this man. 

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1 hour ago, Graystation108 said:

 after we finished talking, he hugged me and pecked me on both sides of my cheek as a goodbye, 

Is this the usual amount of contact? Is this a customary greetings in your culture/country? In many countries this is called "cheek kiss" or "air kiss".

Use appropriate distance when speaking to acquaintances. It seems like you were taken aback, but it doesn't seem like he was violent, abusive or assaulted you. 

Make sure you use appropriate physical and emotional boundaries at all times.  Stand 3-5 feet apart from people. Consider using a handshake as a greeting with neighbors and acquaintances.

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43 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is this the usual amount of contact? Is this a customary greetings in your culture/country? In many countries this is called "cheek kiss" or "air kiss"

I live in Australia, and it's common to hug goodbye or air kiss during greetings after talking to someone more than a couple times, that's why I thought it was normal when he air kissed, which was we were standing relatively close at the time

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13 minutes ago, Graystation108 said:

 that's why I thought it was normal when he air kissed, which was we were standing relatively close at the time

Ok, it's never too late to be more distant. How upset out are you by this? Decide what you want to do about it.

In my opinion this is someone with whom a handshake or wave or distant hello would be a better option.

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14 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Ok, it's never too late to be more distant. How upset out are you by this? Decide what you want to do about it.

In my opinion this is someone with whom a handshake or wave or distant hello would be a better option.

I was definitely a bit shaken up during the first couple hours it happened, but I'm ok now. With that being said, this was out of line and I'm definitely not ok with it happening, so I will be keeping my distance if I see him around, or pretend I'm on the phone talking to avoid excessive talking

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I'm sorry this happened. I would stay away and do no more than nod a "hi" from across a street and walk away briskly if he comes closer.  Put your hand up in a stop sign formation if he follows you.  It doesn't matter what you label it as -he kissed you without your consent.  I hope you feel better.

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7 hours ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

 This is absolutely assault.

That's a bit of a stretch.

I visit my dad occasionally in his senior living home. I'm 60, He's 93, he's got a woman friend who is about 87. When I visited him last time, she was there, and as we said hello she suddenly came really close to me and kissed me right on the lips. I was completely grossed out but would you call that "assault"? If not, then what's the difference?

 

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1 hour ago, gamon said:

That's a bit of a stretch.

I visit my dad occasionally in his senior living home. I'm 60, He's 93, he's got a woman friend who is about 87. When I visited him last time, she was there, and as we said hello she suddenly came really close to me and kissed me right on the lips. I was completely grossed out but would you call that "assault"? If not, then what's the difference?

 

I would need to know if the elderly woman in your situation has a neurological disorder or dementia.  I remember walking into a nursing home where I was volunteering and this elderly man calls out loudly HEY LADY YOU KNOCKED UP!!!  Had I been at the supermarket - where I have been harassed by more than one senior citizen in my life - I would have reacted much differently- gone to the manager if the person continued to harass which I had to do during the pandemic - but that day I knew of course he likely was not in his right mind despite being correct that I was knocked up. 

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Oh, ghaad! I'm so sorry this happened to you, and I can understand the shock.

When I was younger a friend's grandfather did this to me, and I never saw it coming, either.

Don't let anyone 'space-shame' you with the idea that if you weren't standing so close, you wouldn't have been 'asking for it...'. That's absurd and ignorant.

It's understandable that you're grossed out, and your go-forward defense might be to wear a mask when you make that treck, and blow right by the guy with a wave. If you feel a need to say anything, then use whatever you want--a hurry, a spike in Covid, a dislike for being kissed by an opportunist douchebag...

You don't need to justify--to anyone--a desire to keep yourself safe and un-man-handled.

Head high, and keep moving' on, sister.

 

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I would not play polite and wave from the window. I would never talk to this guy again.  

People know what they do.  this is a total creeper gross move.

I would avoid him. As in, if see him coming my way, I would cross the street.

If he were to ever corner me again, I would push past him and tell him I do not nor did I ever want him to touch me or kiss me. He is inappropriate and I am not interested in anything to do with him. 

Harsh? Maybe. but a predator will test you and eventually use your naiveté against you 

When some does something like touch you. when you don't want them to. instead of being shy and excusing them, show your discomfort and rejection to them. 

I'm so sorry this happened. Your rightly disturbed. What a creep!

 

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My friend's grandfather was a creeper. He would grope and feel up his own granddaughters. One time I was visiting his daughter with my friends (his granddaughters) and we girls were sitting in the hot tub. I got out to use the bathroom and this old perve told me "the tag to your bathing suit bottom is sticking out, come here and I'll tuck it in for you." Um, hell no. I stayed far away from that man from the that minute on.

You don't have to be nice to Grandpa Perve. Just avoid him. 

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17 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Don't be nice to strangers regarding easy chit chat otherwise do so at your own risk.  Always beware.   

I think it's fine to chat with people in the neighborhood. I do all the time and no one has ever tried to kiss me.

This man went way too far, however. He's a perv.

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