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Don’t know how to break up with my first love


Anonymousse
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We met in uni and have been together 2 years. This was my first ever boyfriend and the relationship progressed pretty fast but I love him a lot and he’s become my best friend. 6 months ago we finished uni and moved back to our homes where we are now 2 1/2 hours apart by car. He is anxious for us to find a place near him since he’s got a good job and initially I said I’d move to him but now I’m realising I don’t want to move away from family and I’m realising my real issue is that I’m not sure I’m ready to jump into the deep end and “settle down” with him. I just don’t think he’s the one and I want to explore other options and I actually miss being single and independent. 

The problem is that I still love him and I just don’t know how to break up with him since he loves me more than anything and wants us to get a house and get married. I want to minimise the hurt as much as I can but he has no idea that I have a problem in this relationship so won’t expect this break up. I don’t know how I can do it in person considering I’d have to get a train and then he’ll be excited to see me just for me to  announce I’m breaking up with him. I’m really confused at how to actually break up with him and whether I should give him clues that I’m not happy so it doesn’t come as too much of a shock.

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Since you don't have transportation I would video call him. Explain what you just told us.

No matter what he is going to be hurt, but it would hurt worse if you drag this out or even move in with him or marry him just to try to avoid hurting him.

Whatever you do, don't make promises to "stay friends" or tell him you might get back together in the future. And don't promise to "always be there" for him. Just make it a clean break. 

Good luck.

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7 hours ago, Anonymousse said:

. He is anxious for us to find a place near him since he’s got a good job. he loves me more than anything and wants us to get a house and get married.

Be straight forward. Tell him that doing all the work of moving to him as well as leaving your family and area just to play house for his convenience doesn't work for you.

You don't have to travel  just to end things. You can do it in a phone conversation.  There's no "right" way to break up, except to be clear, honest and resolute.

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Just call him and tell him you're not on the same page and that this doesn't work for you anymore. Break ups are hard, but they're part of life and they'll set you free to better matches. Afterwards, go low contact to facilitate the healing and move on more quickly.

You got this! It's one of the first steps of adulthood.

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