My boyfriend looks at porn.

[twisted24]

Hi

Usually I won't mind him looking at porn. But lately it has been pissing me off so much. He doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. I try to get him interested by fooling around with him, wearing sexy clothes, talking dirty him, but he won't he always make up an exuse. I told him it bothers me and it hurts my feelings b'c he looks at it and were have a crappy sex life. He never wants to just fool around with me if he does he doesn't seem at all interested he always has his eyes closed, he looks like he is about to fall asleep. But he still looks at porn, and doesn't want to be with me. I wouldn't mind it so much if we had a healthy sex life., but we don't we have sewx about 1 time a weekk but after I beg for it. I don't know what to do, does anyone have any advise.

[melrich]

There are somany posts about this sort of thing, I am beginning to think that porn addiction is a major social issue.

 

I think your b/fs attitude is pretty lousy. I wouldn't put up with it.

 

Taking a practical approach though, are you offended by pornography? If not could you suggest look at it with him, incorporate it into your sex life?

 

I mean I make that suggestion not knowing what sort of porn he is looking at. I'm assuming it is mainstream stuff.

 

Otherwise i think you have to give him an ultimatum and be prepared to follow through on it.

[S4il]

Smash the computer wouldn't hurt...(lol)

 

 

I'm not sure why your B/f is so interested in porn, could be something he might want to try, I don't know...My question for you is was he like this before he started watching it? or did this sort of *start up*

 

It almost sounds like he might be getting him self off by watching porn, Thus killing his sexual drive for you, You in turn get frustrated, angry, upset...wonder what it is you have done to make him change, etc...

 

I don't have a solution for you, to cure this problem with your Boyfriend, maybe setting a standpoint with him might work, something like Me or the Porn!

 

That might sink in hard.

[twisted24]

In anwsering some of your questions, I am not offended by pornography, we use to enjoy watching it together or looking at it on the internet. He usually just watches the mainstream stuff, I hope. OUr sex life was great! I don't know what changed. He has been earsing the history so I don't know about it. He gives me excuses to why he does it, and my favorite is "I like to get ideas" wrong, he doesn't even make a move on me, he just rolls over and goes to bed. I have to be honest I don't think he does to often but I am not sure, but anyways he does it more than we have sex or screw around in a week. Which is once. I don't know what to do. The worst part about it I've seen some of the girls be perfers and their stick thin, I am not thin, but not heavy either, I struggled with an eating disorder, and the stuff he looks at makes me feel like crap. I don't know if he loves me anymore, I think he is still in love with his ex-wife. I don't know. I might have to make him pick me or porn. I want it to stop intill our sex life improves some. I don't know what to do.

[melrich]

I think you have to give him an ultimatum.

[pchellak]

If you read the post i see 'I want this ... I want that'. Well it takes two to form a relationship. Maybe you need to talk to him and figure out why he prefers porn over you. Porn gives easy sexual release without any emotional attachment and it requires very little effort (sex is comlplicated and comes with strings attached).

Maybe you make him beg you for sex and he is sick and tired of that.

[Empathy]

I have a like/hate relationship with porn. If it wasn't for porn, my ex wouldn't have been as amazing in bed as he was. But I hate it more than like it. It makes me feel like absolute crap emotionally to find out that someone I am sexually active with is looking at other naked women getting pounded. If I were in your position and it was affecting the sex life of me and my significant other, I'd tell him no porn or get the hell out! But that's only if it was really affecting our sex lives. I might be able to live with my bf looking at porn but only because I wouldn't want to be controlling. Porn will always make me uncomfortable.

[Hope75]

Personally I have no problem with guys who look at porn. My guy does it and most guys I know do it. Most of the time it does not and should not interfere with a healthy, normal relationship, and at times, it can add spice to your sex life.

 

Having said that, your guy sounds like he is taking porn a little too seriously, and that masterbation has taken over for him the pleasure of intimate sex with you. It's interfering with your relationship. You have even watched it with him and while initially it may have spiced up your sex life, it now has mostly taken it's place, and chances are you resent that and so are not watching with him anymore.

 

I understand that at times a guy just wants to get off and doesn't want to have to focus on thier partner and how to seduce and please them, but your guy is doing this so much it seems to have taken over your sex life, and that's not healthy.

 

Begging him for sex is not healthy, either. Since you've tried all the pratical suggestions to get his attention such as dressing up and acting sexy, to no avail, it's time to address the issue head on.

 

Talk to him. Tell him how you feel, and that you feel replaced by porn and while you are ok with him looking at it, it seems to have replaced the intimacy previously shared by the two of you and that you'cd like to get it back.

 

See what happens. I wish you good luck.

[RayKay]

Have you openly communicated with him about this? Not begged him for sex, or criticized him for not having sex, but actually sat down (not just after/right before sex though) with him and talked about how the repeated rejection makes you FEEL? Regardless of the porn, how you want sex more than once a week and right now you are feeling as if he is disinterested in you and you want to know why and what is going on. Sexual communication is just as important about communication in other aspects of your relationship.

 

As others mentioned, it is not the porn itself the issue here, it is the fact that he is rejecting you in trade for it (or it is assumed that he is anyway) But you need to uncover the WHY'S. Maybe he does not want to feel pressured. Maybe right now he is not as emotionally connected/attracted to you (not due to weight necessarily, but if he is disatisfied in relationship he may not be as attracted right now). Maybe he is tired, bored. Maybe he feels the stress to perform. I don't know, it could be any of these, or something else entirely, but you won't know until you BOTH talk about it with one another.

[Mr Meh]

Would it be safe to say that the fact that you are struggling with an eating disorder may be affecting your relationship in some way? I'm not trying to shift the 'blame' or anything, but disorders and addicitions affect the other person almost as much as the one with the issue (as you are experiencing).

If faced with the prospect of dealing with someone's self esteem issues every time I tried to have sex I would probably choose the easier route of fantasy with a completely willing and able cyberbabe (who is able to be so willing and able because she is well paid, hopefully he understands that distinction). I would say porn is definitely addictive and can distort perception of what you want and expect from your partner. It does sound like maybe he is using it to escape some issues in your relationship, which makes it a problem, but instead of giving him an ultimatum lik e" me or porn" have you tried just having an honest talk? If he refuses, give him an ultimatum about that instead. Talk or we're done.

[Mikhail_Scosyrev]

Looks like your main problem is your unsatisfaction with your sex life, not the fact that boyfriend looks at porn.

 

So, it's a totally different issue.

Has it been better before?

Do you have any ideas what could have changed?

Do you ever have times when seems alright? What is different in those times?

 

Good luck.