I only saw his car can't believe my reaction

[alonegirl]

So I'm driving down the road and for some reason my brain told me to look to your left so I did and who's car was on the other side heading the opposite direction? My ex's. My heart just sank to my feet and I couldn't breathe and I just lost it and started crying and have been crying all night. I didn't even see him, I just saw the car (his windows are tinted too dark to see inside) I never imagined I would react like this. My heart is still in my feet and it's beating really fast. That is the first time I have been that close to him in 64 days after a 4 year relationship, it really hit me that he is not on vacation like my mind seemed to be thinking, we just aren't together. So of course now I wonder did he see me? What was his reaction to seeing me, was it anything like mine? If he did see me is he thinking about me?

 

This was a definate test to my NC, I wanted to call him so bad after seeing him but I called my best friend instead and have her talk me out of it. So of course part of me hopes that maybe he will call now after possibly seeing me, I know it won't happen, it's just my heart hoping. It's so strange and unreal to me that he is no longer in my life, he was a part of my life day in and day out for 4 years and now to have absolute no communication it's just mind blowing. I'm sure it's for the better that we are not talking but I haven't totally convinced myself of that yet.

[newts]

Hi Alone,

 

Did he end the relationship? did he contact you after the breakup ever? who initiated the NC rule?

 

The way you are feeling is so natural after being with somebody for many years, if you can stick to the NC that would be great, however, if you do want to contact him just do it! Be prepared that he maybe cold, nasty or even nice, loving and you can't get your hopes up that there maybe a chance for reconciliation. If you need to call him, just call him to see how he is, what he is up to. Don't ever try to build up hope, just satisfy your curiosity.

[HajiMaji]

I admire the level of courage you are using right now. Its really hard not to call after a time like this. I know exactly how you feel. You probably dont want to hear this now, but this is going to be a good thing. I thought my ex was on 'vacation' for about 4 months after our break up. It took finding out she was dating a new guy to really make be feel low. It was the worst feeling and im sorry you have to go through it now. Everything will turn up, just keep being patient with yourself and give it time. These things are hard to go through. Its so hard not to call, but i think its probably a good thing you didnt. Much respect on holding your NC.

[alonegirl]

Newts,

 

He ended the relationship, he has called me one time about a month ago didn't leave a message, I called him back left a message never heard from him. Nobody initiated the NC rule it's just something we have both decided to do I guess. I'm sure his biggest reason is because he is with someone else (he basically broke up with me to be with her) which is why I haven't contacted him. I also know that it would be so hard to contact him, I'm so hurt I know that there is no way I wouldn't show it if I called him. I will have to contact him soon though as there is still some my stuff there and he also said he would keep my cat until I find my own place. As much as I shouldn't want to hear from him I would be lying if I said "I don't ever want to hear from him again" but that is just my heart talking I guess.

 

HajiMaji,

 

It doesn't really feel like I have any courage right now so it really helps to hear that you admire my courage. It's just so weird I really thought maybe even still do a little that he was on vacation or something.

 

NC is very hard I would love to call and see how our animals are,we had 3 cats and a dog that I loved more than this world and she would freak out if I went to the store so I can't imagine how she was after this first happened. We are both stubborn and prideful people which is a huge reason why I'm sure neither one of us has contacted. Neither one us probably doesn't want to do the first contact. He probably didn't leave a message on purpose just to see how many times I would call him or something I don't know. I know that contacting him is something he wants me to do just for him to know yep I still got her or something and I just won't do it.

[bittersweetly healed]

yes, alonegirl that is exactly why they do little annoying things like that...

to know they still got u...and if they feel that slipping away....WATCH OUT...the tears and begging or them coming back is soon to follow. be strong ...say NO! lol