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She says she needs space


Branden84
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Good day all. So there is a woman who I have been talking to on and off for almost 10 years now. She is 10 years younger then I am. Back in 2013, we started talking when she was pregnant with her son. We never actually met, but we did talk as friends. In 2014, she ended up dating a guy and they ended up getting married in 2015. During this time, we would still talk off and on. I always got the strong vibes that she liked me from the start, but at that time in my life I was not really wanting to settle down. In 2019, she had the weight loss surgery and lost a lot of weight. She started talking to me again, and this time it was definitely flirty and she made it out like she was willing to shag me even though she was married. She always cried about her husband as if I was going to be her savior. She ended up getting pregnant and they had a kid together. Once she had the kid, she started talking to me again, she claimed he had caught her talking to me and that is why she disappeared.

So we kept talking on and off since then. She was a stay at home mom while he was out working. She always told me how bad she was treated, and that she wishes she had gotten with me instead. Please keep in mind, nothing ever happened sexually between us while she was married or even up to know.

So this summer I got her a job working with me. Looking back, I believe she took this job only because she knew she would get to see me daily. I was just trying to help her out as she said she was going to file for a divorce and leave her husband. It was a big mistake on my end, her work ethic sucked and she actually was too busy on her phone to get anything done. Not only that, she became man crazy and started talking to all these guys as if she needed a man to feel validated. She even hooked up with some guy who was doing work on our parking lot.

Needless to say, I was not to thrilled about this as it made me look like an idiot for recommending her to my company. In the beginning of October, she got called out for lack of production and stormed out of the office and quit.

Never having gone through a divorce, I still had sorrows for her and we still maintained communication. She came over my house to see me twice since she left the company. Nothing happened between us, but I still felt for the girl. I guess I was conflicted in my feelings as I do like her, but I was not happy about how she made me look like  a fool at work.

The last time she was here was before Halloween and we had a good talk. She seemed like maybe she was getting herself together. But the next day when she didn't text me and it was 2 pm, I figured something was up because this girl lives on her phone. When I initiated communication, she was very short with me. So I decided to give it a few days and let her get over whatever was going on and get back to me. She never did so it was like a week later when I finally messaged her saying something along the lines of really, going to just not talk to me for a week. Her response was why not. I basically said if she did not want to talk to me, she should just say so and I would understand. She said nothing, so another week goes by and again I send a message stating if you do not want to talk to me, just tell me now and delete me off all socials etc. She still did not respond,

So Saturday I sent her a message on snapchat so I could visually see she read it and said the same thing again, either you want to talk or delete me . She replied back saying she didn't have anyone else and she needed space. Mentally she was not ok. Yet I see on her tiktok and snapchat, she continues to post things about not being good enough for any guy. 

I feel like I am in a horrible place, where I do like this girl, the thing that kept me back was she was married but she is now divorced. But I feel like she really is trying to just keep me around as a fall back option if she can't find anyone else. She clearly has confidence issues as she posts daily mirror selfies on facebook as if she needs someone to tell her she looks good.

I feel like me cutting bait right now would be a fair move but part of me I guess would feel bad because maybe she really does have no confidence in herself. I did like the attention she gave me when we talked and feel like I would miss it. But the worst would be if all of a sudden one day she is posting about her new man and how happy she is after she told me she just needed space

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25 minutes ago, Branden84 said:

I feel like she really is trying to just keep me around as a fall back option if she can't find anyone else. I feel like me cutting bait right now would be a fair move

Agree. She's using you as a backup plan and free therapy and taking up your time that could be better spent on more reciprocal situations.

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You never had a sexual affair but you two had an emotional affair no doubt about it. Her working with you exposed you to the real person she really is and not a good one at that. She's a liar, user, a tease, a hot mess. You should just remove this toxic waste from your life.

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OP, you need to forget this woman once and for all. 

1 hour ago, Branden84 said:

I guess would feel bad because maybe she really does have no confidence in herself.

She'll be just fine. This woman knows where to go looking for a boost when she needs it. 

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What a waste of a crush. She was disloyal to her husband, she mistreated your employer AND you, and now you're wondering if you should be done with her?

What efforts have you made in your dating life in the the last 10 years beyond this woman?

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