Where to find single women when you are in mid 30s, and conventional ways don't work?

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

I haven't been dating for a few years (and haven't been past first date for way longer) but now I wish finally to try once more because in fact I wish I was in relationships.

I never was popular among women, and now I'm in middle 30s already so it's not becoming easier. But the biggest problem I see is even where to start? Definitely not wanna use online dating apps, had too little luck with them - almost all my dates were from other places.

But now it seems hard to even find where could I meet single women close to my age group.

I'm in southern Italy now, small town, but there are relatively big ones within 2 hours ride. By western standards people settle down rather early here.

What likely won't work:

- Meetup. It's dead in the region, almost nothing.

- Sport clubs. Usually divided by gender.

- Hobby clubs. I'm into history, reenactent, rpgs, larp, historical fencing and met lots of people related to those hobbies in the region; almsot exclusively men, and sometiems girlfriends of somebody. Never met a woman who is single there.

- Volunteering. I do it, but again, usually meeting men (often age of my father and up) and marrried women.

[Kwothe28]

Are there any singles events? How about some cultural events like museums that may attract some number of women? Its worth a try.

Also, your hobbies are male- oriented. We never had a woman on D&D unless its somebodies girlfriend or something like that. You need to join some "women centric" groups. Like maybe cooking groups if you have those.

[tattoobunnie]

Yoga!

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

4 minutes ago, Kwothe28 said:

Are there any singles events? How about some cultural events like museums that may attract some number of women? Its worth a try.

Also, your hobbies are male- oriented. We never had a woman on D&D unless its somebodies girlfriend or something like that. You need to join some "women centric" groups. Like maybe cooking groups if you have those.

No single events as far as I know. I'm involved in volunteering with museums but it usually attracts older women, like late 40s and up.

It's hard with joining those groups which don't interest me - I have aspergers, and while I'm pretty good in social interactions, "special interests" are really important for me. E.g. it's really hard to even pretend to be involved into something that is not part of them. For neurotipical people (not on autistic/aspergers spectre) their hobbies can be important but not major part of their lives, but for person in the spectre their special interesta are often most part of their life. I'm very happy that more or less I can be social in activities involving those for me.

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

2 minutes ago, tattoobunnie said:

Yoga!

Unfortunately never been in such kind of stuff. Of sports I liked fencing and kayaking, but latter is not really a team sport, and here it's only summer activity.

[kctiger]

I’m curious on how small of a town you live in? Are there even many singles in your town within your age range? Sometimes geography can really impact the dating pool and the options available to meet single woman. 

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

8 minutes ago, kctiger said:

I’m curious on how small of a town you live in? Are there even many singles in your town within your age range? Sometimes geography can really impact the dating pool and the options available to meet single woman. 

It's 30k, with generation 20-40 being he smallest (many moved for work to the north or abroad).

Not many singles but there are, though mostly males from my perspective. Dunno why. Some people who I know here married women from the northern cities (Rome, Milan) and then returned here.

Options are not good as it seems.

[tattoobunnie]

17 minutes ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

Unfortunately never been in such kind of stuff. Of sports I liked fencing and kayaking, but latter is not really a team sport, and here it's only summer activity.

Doesn't matter if you like it or not.  It's where the ladies all are.  Try it...sends the message you are evolved, even if you aren't.

[Kwothe28]

26 minutes ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

I have aspergers, and while I'm pretty good in social interactions, "special interests" are really important for me. E.g. it's really hard to even pretend to be involved into something that is not part of them.

I see. Try to look at it at another way: Your interest is to meet girls. Look at what you learn as periferal.

Also

20 minutes ago, kctiger said:

Sometimes geography can really impact the dating pool and the options available to meet single woman. 

This is true. I was in capital because of business for a week.Felt like I could go for a walk or even take a local bus and meet somebody new. 

So maybe you should "expand" to two bigger cities if they are nearby.

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

2 hours ago, Kwothe28 said:

I see. Try to look at it at another way: Your interest is to meet girls. Look at what you learn as periferal.

Also

This is true. I was in capital because of business for a week.Felt like I could go for a walk or even take a local bus and meet somebody new. 

So maybe you should "expand" to two bigger cities if they are nearby.

I'm sorry, you really don't get the interests thing. It's not something that I ever chose, I always had them. At 5 I was reading books about medieval history and Roman conquests, now at 35 I'm writing them. Same stuff with everything else.

I tried searching there on Tinder (the only app that seems to be alive here), same no result. If you mean physically being there, it's hard because of all the activities in current town, like work and volunteerings, and hobbies such as tabletop club (only males there, yeah).

[Wiseman2]

26 minutes ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

I tried searching there on Tinder (the only app that seems to be alive here), same no result. 

Tinder is 75% male and you won't have good results, you will get lost in the crowd.. Most major sites operate in Italy. Get a good profile and recent pics on quality paid dating apps. Even if you have esoteric interests, you will have to list some interests woman can relate to.

Quote

In the UK, Hinge reached the top 3. Hinge focuses on relationships rather than hook-ups, and matches users with people they share Facebook friends with.

In Germany and Italy, Lovoo is among the most popular. Lovoo, based in Germany, aims to match people based on personality and location, so they can meet like-minded people in their area.

Happn, a popular French app, matches users with people they have crossed paths with.

Meetic, another French dating app and owned by the Match Group

 

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

28 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Tinder is 75% male and you won't have good results, you will get lost in the crowd.. Most major sites operate in Italy. Get a good profile and recent pics on quality paid dating apps. Even if you have esoteric interests, you will have to list some interests woman can relate to.

 

Actually I asked people here what apps are used for dating in the region, and nobody named anything beyond TInder. Maybe in places like Rome or Milano it's different but rural south is rural south.

Anyway, at the moment my google play account is not yet considered Italian, but from my old country, and there those apps are unavailable. So I can't try them.

Neither I can use paid services because I don't have plastic card that works in EU or USA (where payment processing of those services takes place).

[catfeeder]

You get to decide exactly how interested you are in meeting women.

We can suggest stuff all day long, but if you're not willing to invest some time to go where the women ARE, then that's on you.

[DarkCh0c0]

What is up with those dating in your 30s threads lately? I'm starting to think these are for research.

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

Actually I asked people here what apps are used for dating in the region, and nobody named anything beyond TInder. 

And how well has tinder been working in your area? 

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

On 11/23/2022 at 7:18 AM, DarkCh0c0 said:

What is up with those dating in your 30s threads lately? I'm starting to think these are for research.

Mine is not. Maybe those people who started experiencing internet as kids (I had it since I was about 14) are now in their 30s and they got used to use Internet as a tool for finding answers. In many countries current 30-something were the first generation to have computers as teenagers too thus we kinda grew up with them.

[Bonaccorso_di_Novara]

On 11/23/2022 at 9:45 AM, Wiseman2 said:

And how well has tinder been working in your area? 

Pretty bad. About 2/3 profiles seem to be only to move traffic and subscribers to instagram accounts. The rest look like escort services usually.

[DarkCh0c0]

30 minutes ago, Bonaccorso_di_Novara said:

Pretty bad. About 2/3 profiles seem to be only to move traffic and subscribers to instagram accounts. The rest look like escort services usually.

Tinder has such bad rep. You would never find most of us on this forum on Tinder. It's a hookup app.

Have you tried payed apps? I have friends who have had a lot of luck on apps like Bumble, ect.

[smackie9]

You can't possibly be the only one that isn't married or settled down in your area. So who are your friends? or coworkers? They must be able to advise you on whom or where to locate socially for single women. Maybe be even be your match maker. Italy is big on wine and eating at small local cafes. That's where everyone networks/meets people. Socializing is the way to meet new people. Italians are very big on traditions like family setting up their daughters/sons with the eligible. They must know a single lady that's looking too.

I did some searching on the net and it's always true with women of any nationality, is they they like nicely dressed, educated confident men, that treat women with respect and are honest with intention. So how you present yourself whether it be on a dating site or in real life is key.

One thing I read about is knowing Italian cooking...food brings people together and Italian woman love a man that knows his way around a kitchen. I know you are asking about where to meet women, but I feel it's more about you and not where. Ya got to have good presentation to be attractive. You are a writer? Then present that, not the subject matter. You are going to have to ditch looking for someone to match your hobbies. When you meet the right person introduce them to your hobbies and they will take an interest. That is the easier way to go.

Being open to more feminine interests will be your new task to broaden your own horizons. Cooking, like someone mentioned is a really good one to start with. Italian cooking is regional so take note, but the recipes are very simple with so few ingredients.

I always feel no matter how old there is always room for improvement, adjustment, learning new things....it's all about having a positive open mind.