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Mom isn’t talking to me and being ridiculous


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13 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

She isn’t active though . She has a walker and can’t walk or stand for longer than a few minutes . Mentally active,yes, physically active, no. 

She could participate in things like Bingo (I love Bingo!) and crafts, attend musical performances, help assemble care packages for the poor or for service members overseas or for the holidays, attend teas, etc. 

I'm actually looking forward to my retirement so I can participate in those kind of things. And maybe meet a nice senior gentleman!

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27 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

She could participate in things like Bingo (I love Bingo!) and crafts, attend musical performances, help assemble care packages for the poor or for service members overseas or for the holidays, attend teas, etc. 

I'm actually looking forward to my retirement so I can participate in those kind of things. And maybe meet a nice senior gentleman!

She is trying to arrange a uchre group but that is as far as she will go. She is very very very private and distantly polite with most people . She doesn’t want to be with big groups due to Covid because she has a fatal lung illness. Essentially she is incredibly shy and she has a few good friends like me and that is how she likes it . 
 

She doesn’t want anymore men in her life. She was married 3 times and was married from 19 to 75 to various people . She just wants her kids and grandkids but her grandkids are almost grown up. My son is 25 and my brother’s youngest is 16. I don’t live near her and my brother is a very very busy financial advisor working 16 hours a day and wants to sell his business in 4 years and move abroad. 
 

I think it is a transition to no partner is the issue. And while she has friends they have families and lives too. So she has me . You know ? 

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15 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

It seems like it's blown over. Lonely seniors can get anxious and clingy. She had her say about the "lying" (although a grown woman shouldn't need to check in), so let it go. 

Oh I have . She is back to normal now . She got her Covid shot the bivalent one and her arm is covered in red welts so she needed to tell me. 

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If you're texting her that much and apologising when you shouldn't... you're validating her behaviour. 

She actually needs to be told no. 

You don't have to answer to her. If she wants a relationship with you then she needs to pull her socks up and stop acting like you're a naughty 16 year old. The alternative is that she doesn't have a relationship with you and you cut contact.

At the moment she is not responding to your multiple texts because she is watching you GROVEL and enjoying her little power trip of making you feel bad when you shouldn't feel bad! 

If you allow this to go on, it'll keep going on! Stand up to it.. she's your mum, she loves you (a bit too much) and she will come to realise if you turn the tables around that she can't do that if she wants to keep her daughter in her life. 

Personally I can't for the life of me understand how you have tolerated this behaviour for your entire adult life, that's crazy!

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I've been called a liar by my sister even though I did NOT lie.  There's nothing more infuriating than being called a liar when you know you did NOT lie.  To me, it's a real game changer and deal breaker anytime a person calls you a liar.  I don't care who it is. 

Since she's your mother, I'd maintain a cool yet polite attitude and behavior towards her.  This is how I am with anyone who crossed the line with me.  Should our paths cross, I'm frosty, distant yet polite.  If possible, I choose estrangement but it's just me and I'm not you.  Not that I recommend estrangement for you.  For me, if I still have a relationship with anyone who called me a liar, I'm cool and distant.  It's the best I can do.  No one calls me a liar and gets away with it.  Closeness is no longer an option and many times my aloofness, is permanent unless the person calling you a liar gives me a sincere, humble apology which most likely will never be forthcoming. 

Keep cool yet be polite if you still want a relationship with your mother.  Enforce stronger boundaries.

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Due to my being sexually abused as a young teen we formed an extraordinarily strong bond and I have fought back to form my independent self since my total mental breakdown in my 40’s. It is the last vestiges of her trying to keep me safe. There was too much trauma in my family of origin and we bonded with very little boundaries. I did however erect some after 2 years of intense counselling. 
 

She is also very lonely right now as the year anniversary of my step dad’s death is very soon.
 

I will always always love my mom to pieces and be warm and loving with her , but she needs to understand I am now my own protector and my husband can also do that if I can not for whatever reason. He always knows where I am. 

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17 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I will always always love my mom to pieces and be warm and loving with her , but she needs to understand I am now my own protector and my husband can also do that if I can not for whatever reason. He always knows where I am. 

You've got it good, and I can appreciate wanting to keep it that way.

My Mom is elderly, and while I can get annoyed sometimes, one guideline I've found helpful is to ask myself, "If I had an adult child, how would I want her or him to respond to me?"

This doesn't mean that I don't have private boundaries. It just means that I'm aware that we're not here together forever, and I want us to enjoy one another in the time we have left.

I'm glad you're warm and loving with your Mom. She's raised you to be a lovely woman.

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6 hours ago, catfeeder said:

You've got it good, and I can appreciate wanting to keep it that way.

My Mom is elderly, and while I can get annoyed sometimes, one guideline I've found helpful is to ask myself, "If I had an adult child, how would I want her or him to respond to me?"

This doesn't mean that I don't have private boundaries. It just means that I'm aware that we're not here together forever, and I want us to enjoy one another in the time we have left.

I'm glad you're warm and loving with your Mom. She's raised you to be a lovely woman.

Exactly, my time with her is very limited. I so so get that after losing my father, my step father and my father-in-law. I don’t want to regret any time with her. I want to spend all the minutes we have with love. I just want to be respected . I will have some days with her just myself after Christmas and we can have that talk in a quiet and respectful way when no one is angry. She is my only parent left and I have always loved her to bits no matter both our mistakes. 

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