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Unsure how to stop therapy sessions - using my savings to pay for them


Hhbgff
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Hello, 

I have been attending therapy sessions with my therapist for 3 months now. I like the sessions and I like my therapist, but I cannot afford to pay them with my salary from work and I pay the sessions with my savings. The sessions cost £90 per week and on top of this I take a £25 taxi to get to the therapy centre each time and then public transport back (£5).

I have started making a healthy amount of interest on my savings now (£50 per month), however with the money going out for therapy each month my savings are decreasing, not increasing. I habe done the calculations and therapy sessions plus the transport to get there is on average £524 per month. It is killing me that my savings are going down by this much. 

I need to hold onto my savings. Me and my boyfriend are looking to move and buy our first house very soon. We will have many costs coming up. 

I just don't want to carry on eating into my savings like this. It is really really scary to see them going down every week and to have to keep making the payments. 

I have a session tonight, and I would like to quit as soon as possible. I dont know how to go about quitting or what to say, its causing me so much anxiety. I dont really have a good reason to stop. I desperately want to be free from having to make these weekly payments and to just sit back and watch my savings grow. I started therapy with good intentions, but never really thought about the money. I just need and want to keep my savings for myself. 

I attend therapy at a centre, i could contact the centre to tell them rather than telling my therapist herself. It would be qucker and easier. I feel apprehenive about telling my therapist in person and i dont know if ill have the guts to do it or when to even do it (tonight?). I just dont know what to tell her and how to explain myself. 

I need my financial freedom back. 

 

 

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6 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

I need to hold onto my savings. Me and my boyfriend are looking to move and buy our first house very soon. 

Is this therapy court ordered? Why do you "have to" go?  

Do not forgo on any necessary healthcare to help buy your BF the house he wants. Is he suggesting you quit to finance the house he wants?

There are alternatives to what you are doing. Talk to your physician for referrals to affordable care and research more affordable therapy.

You don't have to "quit" therapy, just tell the therapist what you have stated here about financial strain and affordability. If the BF is encouraging you to forgo healthcare to finance his house, mention that to the therapist.

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31 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

I need my financial freedom back

That's a big statement that goes beyond therapy sessions.

What else is straining your budget? Why do you want to stop therapy when you obviously need it? Would you not like to try a different therapist to feel you're getting value back?

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1 hour ago, Hhbgff said:

 I need to hold onto my savings. Me and my boyfriend are looking to move and buy our first house very soon. We will have many costs coming up. 

Do not use your inheritance to buy your BF his dream house. You claim he refuses to marry you or have children with you and has threatened to break up if you don't get a higher paying job. Is that correct?

If you feel that therapy is too expensive, discuss your options with the therapist. However take care of yourself and your health without coersion from the BF.

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4 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

Me and my boyfriend are looking to move and buy our first house very soon.

I assume this is still the same boyfriend you started a thread about on 18 July of this year (“Still waiting to start a family after been with my boyfriend of 9 years. Completely stuck“)

Do NOT buy a house near the sea with him, a place where you don’t want to live. I would advise you to break up with him. He does not want to have children, he does not want to marry you, he does not love you, in fact he is only interested in your money. Do NOT do this. Your inheritance is YOUR money, keep it for yourself.

As for the therapy sessions, can you do 2 sessions per month only and can you get there by public transport only and not take a taxi.

Try to get a better paying job. As you mentioned in your earlier thread it is an entry level low paying job.

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50 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

I assume this is still the same boyfriend you started a thread about on 18 July of this year (“Still waiting to start a family after been with my boyfriend of 9 years. Completely stuck“)

 

This is a same girl? Damn.

OP, your therapy sessions are far more valuable then going to some village in the UK and buying a house there. Because at least therapy would maybe make you realize a few stuff about your relationship. You squandering your life savings on your boyfriends dream, would just make you more miserable then you already are.

Just out of the curiosity, this isnt just about the money, right? Did the therapist maybe asked some hard questions that made you question some stuff? About you? Your boyfriend? Your relationship in general? Is that why you are trying to avoid your therapist at any price and just want to not go there anymore?

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Is your boyfriend insisting you quit therapy?

I do remote therapy sessions with my psychologist. I pay a reduced fee and obviously don't have to pay for transportation as the sessions are online. Can you look into that?

BTW, your unsatisfactory relationship with your boyfriend who refuses to marry you or have children with you despite these things being what you want is CAUSING your anxiety. Also his insistence you get a "better" job and wanting you to spend your money buying the house HE wants. 

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7 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

Me and my boyfriend are looking to move and buy our first house very soon.

I definitely agree with the others on the not buying a house with your boyfriend thing. I haven't read your previous post but it sounds like your boyfriend is controlling your life. If you want your financial freedom back, you should probably leave your boyfriend, not buy a house with him. I also wouldn't recommend buying a house with someone you are not married to period. Talk about squandering your financial savings and losing your financial freedom. Are you kidding me? What financial freedom are you going to have when you're going under on a mortgage that ties you financially to someone else whose goal if you ever split will likely to be to get the house and leave you high and dry. Sorry to sound pessimistic but unless he's spending the cash to put a ring on your finger, you should not be spending your cash to invest in something so important like real property. 

As for saving money on therapy, honestly it sounds to me like you still need therapy. Your priorities are completely off base, you still lack the confidence to speak up for yourself (even to your therapist, whose supposed to be a safe, understanding, non-judgmental and supportive person), and you lack the self-love to make better decisions for yourself. If anything, I would suggest maybe reducing your sessions from weekly to bi-weekly or something like that. Try to find grants. Try to find a more affordable therapist or therapy option. There's a website called BetterHelp where you can theoretically have therapy from the comfort of your own home. They offer discounts for people who are financially struggling. Idk if they have this service available to you where you live but I would check it out. 

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15 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

I like the sessions and I like my therapist, but I cannot afford to pay them with my salary from work and I pay the sessions with my savings. The sessions cost £90 per week and on top of this I take a £25 taxi to get to the therapy centre each time and then public transport back (£5).

I'd explain this to the therapist and learn whether s/he can offer suggestions for some form of subsidy or a referral to less expensive treatment options.

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I've given in my 2 weeks notice, I am indeed sad to be leaving my therapist, but I'm also relieved that I won't have to keep on taking money out of my savings account on a weekly basis and now I can just sit back and let the interest accumulate. 

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4 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

that I won't have to keep on taking money out of my savings account on a weekly basis and now I can just sit back and let the interest accumulate. 

You need to take charge of your own life! Nobody else will do it for you. Nothing changes if you have the attitude to “just sit back”.

What is going to happen is that your BF will use all YOUR savings, to buy a house near the sea that HE wants and YOU don’t want at all.

I think the money is way much better invested in therapy, even on a reduced basis, than put it in a house. You need to become much more independent.

I am sorry to be so tough on you, but it is for your own best interest.

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1 hour ago, Hhbgff said:

I've given in my 2 weeks notice.

Is "notice" required? Or do you mean you'll only go to sessions for the coming 2 weeks?  Either way if the cost and travel were stressing you out so much that you weren't benefiting from it, then it's the right choice.

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3 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

I've given in my 2 weeks notice, I am indeed sad to be leaving my therapist, but I'm also relieved that I won't have to keep on taking money out of my savings account on a weekly basis and now I can just sit back and let the interest accumulate. 

To my understanding interest in savings accounts is very low - if you're really interested in building a nest egg I'd talk to a financial planner at your bank about your retirement account options and other options to grow your $.

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2 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Is "notice" required? Or do you mean you'll only go to sessions for the coming 2 weeks?  Either way if the cost and travel were stressing you out so much that you weren't benefiting from it, then it's the right choice.

In the contract I was given, the therapist states to give 2 weeks notice to end therapy. 

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2 hours ago, Hhbgff said:

In the contract I was given, the therapist states to give 2 weeks notice to end therapy. 

A contract? I don't have a contract with my psychologist. That's very strange to me.

You didn't answer anyone's questions. Did your boyfriend pressure you to stop therapy? Did he instruct you to keep that money to buy the house he wants? 

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33 minutes ago, Seraphim said:

Something I think you will live to regret but I think you are one of those people that has to learn the hard way. 

Were you actually benefitting from therapy? And why won't you look into alternatives such as online therapy?

I think you're trying to do everything your boyfriend demands in the hopes he will decide to propose and to have children with you. Even though he said he won't.

Harming yourself in order to appease him won't do anything but waste more years in this dead end relationship.

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4 hours ago, boltnrun said:

A contract? I don't have a contract with my psychologist. That's very strange to me.

You didn't answer anyone's questions. Did your boyfriend pressure you to stop therapy? Did he instruct you to keep that money to buy the house he wants? 

No he did not pressure me to quit therapy. I am stressed at having to take £110 per week out of my savings account and to have this hanging over me every week. My savings accounts are gaining good interest now and I dont want to keep squandering this. It making me really pleased. 

He has made some comments about it, he said that he hasn't seen any possitive changes in me since I started, he said I seem to be "worse" than I was last year. I suppose he means "worse" in myself. I know that myself, I've had heavy depression, multiple breakdowns, multiple crying episodes in work toilets, thoughts of suicide. Somebody even barged in on me in the toilet at work once because I hadn't locked the door. I was sitting on the toilet floor, crying. They asked me if I was okay or needed anything. I would like to be okay, but I guess I'm not. 

I quite honestly feel used by my boyfriend.

 

 

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9 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

No he did not pressure me to quit therapy. I am stressed at having to take £110 per week out of my savings account and to have this hanging over me every week. My savings accounts are gaining good interest now and I dont want to keep squandering this. It making me really pleased. 

He has made some comments about it, he said that he hasn't seen any possitive changes in me since I started, he said I seem to be "worse" than I was last year. I suppose he means "worse" in myself. I know that myself, I've had heavy depression, multiple breakdowns, multiple crying episodes in work toilets, thoughts of suicide. Somebody even barged in on me in the toilet at work once because I hadn't locked the door. I was sitting on the toilet floor, crying. They asked me if I was okay or needed anything. I would like to be okay, but I guess I'm not. 

 

 

You need to ditch this man, seriously girl . If you are suicidal you need a hospital not this arse. I just went through this with my husband. Wow, this is frustrating, ditch the guy and keep with therapy . 

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6 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

He has made some comments about it, he said that he hasn't seen any possitive changes in me since I started, he said I seem to be "worse" than I was last year. I suppose he means "worse" in myself.

That's exactly what my abusive ex did to get to me to quit therapy. An abusive person will not tell you directly to quit, but they will make negative remarks about it that will get in your head. He knows your worth somehow depends on him and his opinion, and there you go. You did as he wants you to behave and that's NOT in your best interest.

Tmi maybe, but when I left my ex who was very much behaving like yours, my mental health got SO MUCH better. I'm forever grateful I finally left him. So please, take into account that his presence in your life isn't as healthy you imagined it. Please, would you consider changing therapists? After I left my previous therapist (who was indeed useless) due to my ex's pressure, I secretly found a new one and he was a gem. He helped me get out of my rut and see things more clearly as of my first session. So I suggest that you don't give up on yourself and please try someone else. It takes 2-3 therapists sometimes to find the right one for you. That's totally okay. Hang in there 💚

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1 hour ago, Hhbgff said:

I've had heavy depression, multiple breakdowns, multiple crying episodes in work toilets, thoughts of suicide. Somebody even barged in on me in the toilet at work once because I hadn't locked the door.

Do you have health insurance? This requires a physician/psychiatrist. it's unclear why you were spending a fortune on talk therapy you can't afford in the first place.

The UK health service has excellent mental health care hotlines you can call at any time to talk . They will also direct you to appropriate affordable care.

https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services/where-to-get-urgent-help-for-mental-health/

Your BF's opinion of your state of mind is irrelevant particularly since he has a worsening effect on your mental health and happiness.

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23 minutes ago, Hhbgff said:

I quite honestly feel used by my boyfriend.

It's because you are. Honey, your feelings are valid. Please, listen to your feelings and why you come here to speak to us. Listen to YOU. In comparison with your bf, we are looking out for your best interest much more than him.

I hope that you realize that you are slowly hitting a rock bottom and that he's the source. You're not the problem. He is. Don't let your self doubts hinder you that much.

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