How do you deal with a step parent?

[Seraphim]

13 minutes ago, sweetlady said:

It's probably not really the congratulations as such. I just don't know what her reaction to my pregnancy was. Any kind of reaction I would of got.

The only thing I know is when I told my dad what I was having a boy she laughed again still feel unsure what she thinking. Because she would be funny if I had a girl.

Because she quite a negative person. I don't want her coming near near saying anything as I will literally not have it. I will end up feeling rubbish after seeing her.

It's not like I haven't got enough on my plate right now. 

Any kind of acknowledgement of the pregnancy then at least I know. That's put me on edge.

So I have decided maybe not see them Wednesday need to focus on work and get through next few weeks.

Like I said I needed my dad's help but rather just leave that too now too. I will tell him figured it out myself.

Both parents have normal diabetes too.

 

 

 

There is nothing normal about diabetes. Diabetes is a severe chronic illness which is deadly in many many ways if not treated properly. My father is dead because of diabetes. His grandmother died from the effects of diabetes,  his uncle died of the effects of diabetes, his mother…. This disease is no joke. 
 

It also has a high genetic inheritance. not only is it food and exercise related but there is a high genetic component . 

[Seraphim]

The risk of type 2 diabetes after GMD is 50%. 

[sweetlady]

3 hours ago, Seraphim said:

There is nothing normal about diabetes. Diabetes is a severe chronic illness which is deadly in many many ways if not treated properly. My father is dead because of diabetes. His grandmother died from the effects of diabetes,  his uncle died of the effects of diabetes, his mother…. This disease is no joke. 
 

It also has a high genetic inheritance. not only is it food and exercise related but there is a high genetic component .

I didn't mean that in way it sounded. There's G diabetes that's pregnancy related and diabetes that not pregnancy related.

You really don't need to be so defensive about me saying normal diabetes. I get its a serious condition.

I am more likely to get because both parents have it. 

 

 

[Seraphim]

5 hours ago, sweetlady said:

I didn't mean that in way it sounded. There's G diabetes that's pregnancy related and diabetes that not pregnancy related.

You really don't need to be so defensive about me saying normal diabetes. I get its a serious condition.

I am more likely to get because both parents have it. 

 

 

It is about education. I am not being defensive. We are total strangers. I don’t have a stake it your life so no defensiveness necessary. 

[Batya33]

5 hours ago, sweetlady said:

I didn't mean that in way it sounded. There's G diabetes that's pregnancy related and diabetes that not pregnancy related.

You really don't need to be so defensive about me saying normal diabetes. I get its a serious condition.

I am more likely to get because both parents have it. 

 

 

Yes of course take care of yourself and I understand about wanting your pregnancy acknowledged by family! I remember being hurt when I met a friend for dinner, we spent almost 2 hour together, I was quite pregnant looking and not once did she ask how I was doing (yes she knew I was pregnant) - like even generally.  I acknowledge and show I care about other people if they are experiencing a big change/milestone/health condition.

I think you have to weigh pros and cons and work on ways you will choose to ignore or tune out negativity and/or respond in a way that doesn't escalate-or make a plan to make a quick exit/take some space.  

[Seraphim]

5 hours ago, sweetlady said:

I didn't mean that in way it sounded. There's G diabetes that's pregnancy related and diabetes that not pregnancy related.

You really don't need to be so defensive about me saying normal diabetes. I get its a serious condition.

I am more likely to get because both parents have it. 

 

 

I understand about the differences in the different types of diabetes since I have diabetes and many family members have type 2 and type 1. 

[sweetlady]

5 hours ago, Batya33 said:

Yes of course take care of yourself and I understand about wanting your pregnancy acknowledged by family! I remember being hurt when I met a friend for dinner, we spent almost 2 hour together, I was quite pregnant looking and not once did she ask how I was doing (yes she knew I was pregnant) - like even generally.  I acknowledge and show I care about other people if they are experiencing a big change/milestone/health condition.

I think you have to weigh pros and cons and work on ways you will choose to ignore or tune out negativity and/or respond in a way that doesn't escalate-or make a plan to make a quick exit/take some space.  

I feel better now my father message me saying it's on him and younger brother coming. Feel relieved but still like well Dad still be dad too.

He did ask if I be home said yes but probably be resting.

[sweetlady]

4 hours ago, Seraphim said:

I understand about the differences in the different types of diabetes since I have diabetes and many family members have type 2 and type 1. 

I never said you didn't but if I said normal you should of known kind of what I meant if your so educated.

Using the word normal shouldn't upset you because there's GD you only have when pregnant and one you get not being pregnant. That's why I said normal to clarify.

Obviously your having a hard time no need to be on my post being defensive unless it's something really helpful.

[Seraphim]

Just now, sweetlady said:

I never said you didn't but if I said normal you should of known kind of what I meant if your so educated.

Using the word normal shouldn't upset you because there's GD you only have when pregnant and one you get not being pregnant. That's why I said normal to clarify.

Obviously your having a hard time no need to be on my post being defensive unless it's something really helpful.

As I said I am not defensive I have no stake in your life whatsoever. I hope you feel better. Take time off from work if you need it and no need to engage with step mom . And follow up with your doctor. 

[Wiseman2]

On 12/5/2022 at 1:19 AM, sweetlady said:

I am more likely to get because both parents have it.

Why not talk to your physician about your health and safety and stress and talk to your father about not wanting company right now?

Your physician, nurse, clinic, etc are better resources for managing high risk pregnancies complicated by gestational diabetes. Make an appointment to go over your questions and concerns.

[sweetlady]

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why not talk to your physician about your health and safety and stress and talk to your father about not wanting company right now?

Your physician, nurse, clinic, etc are better resources for managing high risk pregnancies complicated by gestational diabetes. Make an appointment to go over your questions and concerns.

My dad been helping me a bit but have a video call very soon. So will find out more. I have been just on the phone to my doctors aswell. Just don't know yet what rainbow team in hospital will say or my other midwife.

Everything already being done. Even spoke to work today too. About taking my remaining holidays beginning of January and then go on Maternity. 

In the meantime my dad has been very helpful. But hopefully will understand more soon. 

[sweetlady]

Thought would have a peaceful day with my dad without Stepmum. Oh no she is coming with him. So I have said I am busy today which I kind of do have a few things I need to sort out and said I won't be home.

I might need to go hospital later to check my baby too. 

Got my 15yr old to sort out too. So a bit tied up really.

Definitely not the day to see her so it's going to go out. 

 

[Wiseman2]

17 hours ago, sweetlady said:

. Just don't know yet what rainbow team in hospital will say or my other midwife.

What is a rainbow team? Why aren't physicians or health care providers helping you manage your diabetes and high risk pregnancy? How many midwives are involved and are they qualified to manage medical problems during pregnancy such as diabetes?

[Batya33]

1 hour ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is a rainbow team? Why aren't physicians or health care providers helping you manage your diabetes and high risk pregnancy? How many midwives are involved and are they qualified to manage medical problems during pregnancy such as diabetes?

I think a rainbow team maybe refers to women who are pregnant after a tragic still birth. The new baby is a rainbow baby, I think.  I personally would only have an MD manage GD.

[sweetlady]

7 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

What is a rainbow team? Why aren't physicians or health care providers helping you manage your diabetes and high risk pregnancy? How many midwives are involved and are they qualified to manage medical problems during pregnancy such as diabetes?

For people who lost babies so I have rainbow team plus my community Midwife. I also had a group session last night about managing my GD but my battery laptop went dead half way through. But think I know what to do now.

I had a GD midwife call explain everything but was disappointed they didn't invited me in to show me how to do everything. That's why it's a good job my dad was there to help me and managed to figure out on my own.

Probably next appointment they discuss more. 

I don't know yet what my consultant will say. Because it can be risky.

Thanks for your comment 

 

[sweetlady]

Just now, sweetlady said:

For people who lost babies so I have rainbow team plus my community Midwife. I also had a group session last night about managing my GD but my battery laptop went dead half way through. But think I know what to do now.

I had a GD midwife call explain everything but was disappointed they didn't invited me in to show me how to do everything. That's why it's a good job my dad was there to help me and managed to figure out on my own.

Probably next appointment they discuss more. 

I don't know yet what my consultant will say. Because it can be risky.

Thanks for your comment 

 

When I mean help it was video call. Which the sessions last night would of thought they talk you through it there too. She just spoke about the food.

 

[sweetlady]

My dad came yesterday thought he was funny but to be honest I didn't say anything at all.

He took me shopping and my stepmother stayed at home. He was like she wanted to come but she knows if she did you wouldn't come out. Then he was like saying she really wants to help buy baby stuff. He like why do you go quiet each time I  mention her. I honestly totally ignored him as we wasn't in the right place to discuss it. He was like she not the wicked witch of the west. Probably must of been the funniest thing I heard. Then he said you and her is like him and my stepbrother. Totally different I thought because my dad brought my stepbrother as his own. My stepbrother only got a funny issue because of my dad's religion I think. Not even sure what his issue is. So basically ignored discussing her we had my brother and son waiting in a supermarket.

I am 40 and if by now he doesn't get I doubt he ever will. I am done explaining. 

He was saying they going away and asking when baby was born was happy they are going away probably start of the month Feb and I am due ending so thought wouldn't even care if I saw them march. No one really wants visitors so fast after having a baby and needs time to get themselves and a new baby in a new routine. I only actually want my own mother around. Again didn't say anything on it. Just was glad he said he was going back to his country which again she held him back all these years and yet he done a holiday where he spending less time where he from and spend 5 days longer in another place probably to please her. 

I had a very nice time with my dad without my stepmother there. My little brother was a bit funny in stuff he said. Saying about your having another boy blah blah. Then he was like this family only seems to have boys lol well my father side. So I made a joke I am waiting for you think to have the girls. Then he was like going on and on about it doesn't matter as long as baby healthy what you have. Now when did he get that long speech about the gender of my baby? 

There was another thing said thought to myself this family of mine. 

Apart from that we had a good time with my son and I. After they dropped me home my son went off with them to see my uncle. I actually wasn't feeling well either probably why I couldn't discuss that. When my dad dropped my son off actually nvited them in but he said he had to go. 

 My stepmother knows I don't want to see her and so does my dad. I honestly don't care and glad she stayed home. Although I did say that if she came and I went I would still go. I also use to go into blank mode especially if she ask me stuff I found too personal. But I just switch off like I did with my dad. But glad I didn't have to deal with her. 

Maybe one day I will explain to my dad although shouldn't have too. 

Obviously grateful for her wanting to buy baby stuff but he like let us know how much you will need etc.

Again I am like quiet but it's just why. I can be respectful towards her and try be civil but she will always find a way to be p me right off with her comments. 

Just thought let me get through this pregnancy and maybe I be strong enough to see her and deal with her.

Some people are just not good for my mental health she one of them that's exactly what I wanted to say to him but kept my mouth shut.

One day I hope we have that conversation and he totally gets it. The NC with her suiting me just fine. Obviously loads has been said word for around I am pregnant in my family. That's another thing I literally was holding my tongue on. And I wanted to say oh I heard from so and so congratulating me. I did feel like saying it's obvious how they know etc. Not a secret but it's definitely something not on social media at the moment. Probably stil very anxious about the pregnancy and it's like if people see my stomach say if people don't fine. I just not shouting it from roof tops. Once baby born and out of this sensitive stage both my guy and I said we post on social media site the. He doesn't want to say anything yet either. Only some people in his church know and he hasn't said nothing. 

I thought I update.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Batya33]

You're pregnant so maybe could this be why you're perhaps overreacting to lighthearted conversation about baby gender etc? Maybe your vibes were a bit stressed or even hostile so the people around you didn't know how to act.  People said really dumb things to me when I was pregnant "was it natural?" (cause I was 42 -oh and my due date was early March, he was born in Feb.) - and making comments if I asked a waiter about ingredients in a dish (to be careful about things I wasn't supposed to eat), etc.

It's just the way certain people are - it may not be the epitome of politeness but please try not to sweat the small stuff. I agree do not take gifts from stepmother if you want to keep your distance - you're doing the right thing.  And of course they should go away when they wish -there will be plenty of time to meet the baby!  I also see you focus a lot on social media and outsiders congratulating you. 

When I was pregnant I mean I felt like on top of the world.  I was so over the top excited! I was self-absorbed -I mean literally -especially when I was checking to make sure he was kicking/moving.  But I didn't need outside attention. 

What's your need for this about? Is your partner giving you enough attention? I got active on social media shortly after he was born.  I never posted anything about the birth. Or photos.  I've posted one photo of him when we were in the newspapers for visiting an exhibit at our local museum. A photo of us from behind sitting and taking in the exhibit.  That's all. I made one other post about him -no photo -the day he started preschool when he was 3.5.  He's 13. 

I've let a few relatives post photos of him untagged and I let certain Facebook groups -school/camp related post photos of him in private groups.  I sometimes comment about him in posts in my moms groups (or here).

I don't want social media attention for his awesomeness, his milestones or his handsome face or antics.  I send photos around to my friends and family who request -by text (one or two at a time) or email and in our holiday cards. 

Consider why you need social media type attention for this blessed event.  Really ask yourself because I know it's common these days but in your situation the downsides are you end up feeling badly that you're not getting congratulated and fawned over -it's like this mindset that's fueled by social media type attention IMO.  It really -for you -might be more stress than it's worth. 

Consider which people in your life you are closest to.  The people who really want to know the minutae about your pregnancy, baby, family life - focus on them - the genuinely interested people.  Not the really well meaning people on your long social media friend list who ooohhhh and ahhhh over your baby and or ultrasound photos and cutesie stuff you buy.  Do you really need that? Because it seems to also come with stress and aggravation for you which at 40 especially you do not need.  

Just suggesting!! Happy holidays to you and your family. 

[sweetlady]

3 hours ago, Batya33 said:

You're pregnant so maybe could this be why you're perhaps overreacting to lighthearted conversation about baby gender etc? Maybe your vibes were a bit stressed or even hostile so the people around you didn't know how to act.  People said really dumb things to me when I was pregnant "was it natural?" (cause I was 42 -oh and my due date was early March, he was born in Feb.) - and making comments if I asked a waiter about ingredients in a dish (to be careful about things I wasn't supposed to eat), etc.

It's just the way certain people are - it may not be the epitome of politeness but please try not to sweat the small stuff. I agree do not take gifts from stepmother if you want to keep your distance - you're doing the right thing.  And of course they should go away when they wish -there will be plenty of time to meet the baby!  I also see you focus a lot on social media and outsiders congratulating you. 

When I was pregnant I mean I felt like on top of the world.  I was so over the top excited! I was self-absorbed -I mean literally -especially when I was checking to make sure he was kicking/moving.  But I didn't need outside attention. 

What's your need for this about? Is your partner giving you enough attention? I got active on social media shortly after he was born.  I never posted anything about the birth. Or photos.  I've posted one photo of him when we were in the newspapers for visiting an exhibit at our local museum. A photo of us from behind sitting and taking in the exhibit.  That's all. I made one other post about him -no photo -the day he started preschool when he was 3.5.  He's 13. 

I've let a few relatives post photos of him untagged and I let certain Facebook groups -school/camp related post photos of him in private groups.  I sometimes comment about him in posts in my moms groups (or here).

I don't want social media attention for his awesomeness, his milestones or his handsome face or antics.  I send photos around to my friends and family who request -by text (one or two at a time) or email and in our holiday cards. 

Consider why you need social media type attention for this blessed event.  Really ask yourself because I know it's common these days but in your situation the downsides are you end up feeling badly that you're not getting congratulated and fawned over -it's like this mindset that's fueled by social media type attention IMO.  It really -for you -might be more stress than it's worth. 

Consider which people in your life you are closest to.  The people who really want to know the minutae about your pregnancy, baby, family life - focus on them - the genuinely interested people.  Not the really well meaning people on your long social media friend list who ooohhhh and ahhhh over your baby and or ultrasound photos and cutesie stuff you buy.  Do you really need that? Because it seems to also come with stress and aggravation for you which at 40 especially you do not need.  

Just suggesting!! Happy holidays to you and your family. 

That's what I am saying I don't want to post on social media at all because my high level of anxiety with this pregnancy. I can't even deal with the attention. People can be negative.

I know why my brother said what he said about me having a boy. But just kind of made a joke we are waiting for him to have a girl. I have let a lot go what is said.

For me in a vulnerable position don't need my stepmother around me. I have distance myself from and cut off a lot of people.

This pregnancy just been difficult even if I have certain relationship issues which I do have putting that aside for now not to stress myself. I need my strength and energy for when my baby is born maybe it's because I am older lol. Who knows slightly freaking out about the birth and I am so close to the end just want my baby out now.

Despite me losing my first 17yrs ago don't even think I was like this when pregnant with my 15yr old. 

For now certain conversations will be had after he born. For me I feel like I got zero tolerance for people and their nonsense. 

I thought about the congratulations thing and it's the fact my stepmother didn't acknowledge the whole pregnancy at the beginning. Only now I am hearing from my dad not from she has my number to say she wants to help but to be honest want NC with her. I really feel forced to have some sort of a relationship with her. I can't I have tried and tried. 

I enjoyed seeing my dad, brother yesterday but like I said I wasn't feeling 100%. My dad message me saying he enjoyed his time with us.

Thanks for your comments. Happy holidays to you too

 

 

 

[Batya33]

I understand and good luck.  Being pregnant at 41-42 was emotionally stressful for me!