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The Modern Dilemma! Opinions on Modern Dating, Love, Life and Career!


mylolita
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1 minute ago, Coily said:

Offers, well like wandering on to a used car lot and the salesman with the greased back hair and bright checked suit is trying to sell me a Yugo when I asked for directions. Haha

I admit geography plays a role for me, I live near enough a small city; but I have to solo most of my adventures.

As far as work, I lived far far away from most of those places; and never really got out. it was 13 hour days then back on the road to the next site. I truly did myself a disservice by picking that career, now for the regret I guess. I made my decisions, trying to get into a position to be a provider; just forgot that little bit of who I would provide for.

Coily!

Sweetheart! I can't stand this talk! Honestly - pudding! 

Is there anyway you can reduce your hours? Even just take some time for yourself, relax, go out casually? I know that sounds ridiculous of me to suggest this, I realise slightly the hamster wheel we all get ourselves into financially. My husband has ran his own business for 20 years and in a way, he is trapped by it too. It would be nice to get him off the treadmill. It's one of my secret missions, actually. I think it's secretly one of his as well, but he doesn't admit it much because he doesn't want to seem like the fire in his belly has gone out!

13 hour days - tough. Very tough. You do well. 

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5 minutes ago, Coily said:

Offers, well like wandering on to a used car lot and the salesman with the greased back hair and bright checked suit is trying to sell me a Yugo when I asked for directions. Haha

I admit geography plays a role for me, I live near enough a small city; but I have to solo most of my adventures.

As far as work, I lived far far away from most of those places; and never really got out. it was 13 hour days then back on the road to the next site. I truly did myself a disservice by picking that career, now for the regret I guess. I made my decisions, trying to get into a position to be a provider; just forgot that little bit of who I would provide for.

Sorry, I laughed as well - and will admit, because I am but a 32 year old female ditz, that I had to quickly Google "YUGO" and then, yes, laughed some more - HA!!!

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On 11/27/2022 at 8:08 PM, mylolita said:

How does everyone feel about getting older in general?!

 

Do you all feel like, what you have gained has outweighed any loss? 
 

I personally have a very hard time every year I turn older. I struggle with it. I put so much of my value into my youth, so much was orientated around that, so many of my jobs and what not, that I struggle to let it go and ease myself into “THE NEXT CHAPTER!”

 

Anyone feel better in their 30s, 40s, 50s? Interesting to hear your side @Batya33 that you found dating became more positive with age! And parenting! 
 

x

I love getting older. Love it! I had a real struggle with self esteem and confidence in my younger years, had difficulty holding simple conversations without panicking. I didn't think I was pretty.. and when I look back I see pics and think phoar, if only I realised!!!  When I turned 36 I had a little bit of a freakout that now I'm on the downhill slope to 40, that was a bit confronting. But about to turn 38 next month and honestly I love this age. 

I'm much more confident, I feel like society takes me seriously now and values my opinion now. I have the guts to do anything I put my mind to. I look in the mirror and I'm happy with how I look, I've taken care of myself and people tell me I look about 30 so that's winning I think. I see people I went to school with and it makes me sad... kinda havnt gone far in life or developed much. I think its really special when you can see and acknowlege how far you've come. 

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42 minutes ago, Mammalyssa said:

I love getting older. Love it! I had a real struggle with self esteem and confidence in my younger years, had difficulty holding simple conversations without panicking. I didn't think I was pretty.. and when I look back I see pics and think phoar, if only I realised!!!  When I turned 36 I had a little bit of a freakout that now I'm on the downhill slope to 40, that was a bit confronting. But about to turn 38 next month and honestly I love this age. 

I'm much more confident, I feel like society takes me seriously now and values my opinion now. I have the guts to do anything I put my mind to. I look in the mirror and I'm happy with how I look, I've taken care of myself and people tell me I look about 30 so that's winning I think. I see people I went to school with and it makes me sad... kinda havnt gone far in life or developed much. I think its really special when you can see and acknowlege how far you've come. 

Thank you Mamma!

I hope I can get to where you are! I'm 33 this month and absolutely don't want anything to do with it!

x

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8 hours ago, Mammalyssa said:

The alternative to growing older is not very appealing lolita! Lol

I don't mean to drag this thread down or go all depressive, but lately, it's built, probably since I had the children strangely, a very big fear of death, and a preoccupation with it. 

I lost my Grandma last year who I was very close too, then my Grandad again this year and the hard part about him for me was that I knew he was going to die, and when I saw him, it would be the last time. He wasn't in hospital and there was no major reason to think that was the last time but he was so unbelievably skinny and not eating and he was 92, and I just thought, I think this is the last time, and I was right. 

Going through my Grandmas old things was a loving, haunting, harrowing experience for me. One day she was there, one day she wasn't. She had left everything behind that had seemed so important to her. 

Ugh, I don't again want to drag anyone down, but to say I struggle with this is an understatement. I'm almost anxious about it. It'll just hit me. Then I have the horrible thoughts my children will learn about death, and die too.

x

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Oh babe.. I actually know exactly what you're talking about. I lost both of my grandparents who I was very close to within a month of each other in 2020.  My grandad died 4 months ago. 

Today I said goodbye to my 92 yr old grandmother who lives on the other side of the country knowing it'll probably be the last time I see her. I could see it in her face too, it was an unspoken and final goodbye as we hugged each other. 

I totally get it.. its really hard and you go through periods of wishing you'd spent more time with them and valued them more when you were younger. Grandparents are super special. But I got to know my grandparents and so did you, we were very lucky to have them in our adult lives. I know many people who never got to meet their grandparents. It's not easy now but it does get easier in time. I now fondly think of the grandparents I lost in 2020 and always talk about their memories with my family. Occasionally I still cry which is OK. I was vacuming the other day and came across a plate my nanna had hand painted, and it just really got me. I had a massive cry and then felt better about it.. gosh I love that woman! I still feel so privileged to have known them and have their influence in my life. They inspire my love of gardening and nature. 

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  • 1 month later...

Probably already covered in this thread, but I have a burning generic take!

Something I have seen a lot in this forum, and out in the wilds of life, is this idea that anything less than perfection is an instant discard when people are seeking advice about relationships. I recall in some very dated literature the idea that women help build the man, and he in-turn builds the family. Which got me to thinking, do we as "current year" have such poor personal skills that we can only see flaws in others?

Now there are alway things that should be a find out and your relationship is over (addictions, manipulation, cheating etc). However I see some threads where  one romantic partner may need a wake up call, but many are calling for the termination of the relationship over what could be bad communication and boundaries. Not everyone is an expert level at dating and need some guidance to be a great spouse, but so few want to take the time to even test the waters.

Maybe I am saying that from my still confused about a break up of mine once upon a time. If there had been a discussion of anything I was doing, then I would have conducted some introspection; but I'm weird.

It just seems to me that so many people act like relationships are just disposable, like the $5 toaster.

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