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Is a Girl Inviting You Over on a 2nd Date a Likely Invitation for Sex?

James90

By James90
in Dating Advice

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James90 Contributor

James90

Posted
Posted

Hello,

So I made out with this girl passionately on the 1st date and we arranged a second date a week later which will involve going to her place on Friday to watch a horror movie on Netflix. So Netflix and chill springs to mind. 

From what I understand her previous boyfriend stopped having sex with her and it’s been a while for her and he cheated on her. 

She’s also brought up that she thinks I’m very calm for a kinky person, essentially because I’ve been holding back my urges because I really like her and she seems to not like that I’m holding back. And I don’t want her to think that all I want is sex, because I don’t.  She’s oddly expressed concerns I don’t find her attractive which is just bizarre and definitely not the signal I’m sending. So I think she has some trauma she’s not dealt with properly from her previously relationship. I have just held back on being the standard pervy guy who asks for nudes, sends *** pics etc and essentially just wanted to be a gentleman. 

Early on before our date, she liked the fact that I’ve discussed what kinks I’m into and told me her friends think she just really wants to be subbed (hint hint). Basically every i would see her on FaceTime and then the date she was biting her lip, gets very shy and looks away or covers her face smiling,  plays with her hair etc and is very touchy with me. So she seems very excited by me. But now she’s been doubtful that I like her after the 1st date as I said above. So it’s an odd position to be in.  
 

what do you guys think?

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kctiger Collaborator

kctiger

Posted
Posted

You guys discussed all this on your first date? Kinks, sexual tendencies, etc. on the first date. Wow. I'm no fortune teller but when I shake my magic 8-ball, sex seems to be in your future. Way to be a gentlemen and hold back on the pervy stuff. Save that for after the 2nd date, you don't want to rush into anything too fast. 

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

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I stayed overnight in a hotel room with a man I'd seen casually a couple of times. Despite me telling him there would be no sex, we had sex 😆. And I wasn't angry because, hello, hotel room? Shared bed? Of course I knew what would happen.

From what you've written, she wants sex. But tread carefully. She may be one of those who connects her self worth with how sexually attractive men find her. And please, for the love of God, wear condoms. Every time. And flush them afterward. I don't care if she tells you she's infertile or on BC or says she's completely STD free. Wear condoms. 

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Batya33 Grand Master

Batya33

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Also from all you described this sounds less like you two dating where it would involve getting to know each other as people, doing activities together in public places, sharing meals, going to the movies, etc, and more like two people who connect over liking to talk about kinky sex and sex, and coming from a place -at least she is - where there is some inner conflict about relationships so connecting over stuff in common about sexual practices makes it easier and more focused on this common goal -to explore your kinky sexual preferences and to have fun having sex.

Also she shows little regard for her safety since she barely knows you pun intended -even if she was up for sex she really doesn't know you well to be inviting you to her home.  So my sense is she prioritizes getting right to the good stuff in her opinion which is getting naked and acting on what you two have already discussed.  Hopefully you know what she would intend if she got accidentally pregnant -even if she would end up doing something different it's good to have the discussion whether or not birth control is used. 

I'd not go down the path of thinking of yourself as some sort of gentleman for not acting on sexual urges on a first date or for not sending a woman you do not know pervy messages.  That's simply -common sense/basic human decency and had she wanted to have sex and you did and you had nothing non-gentlemanly - you two simply would have both wanted casual sex and done it -two consenting adults -what's the issue?

 

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