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Why does my mom love my cousin more?


NS8848
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Being the only child I had never experienced such thing when you see your parents involved with your cousin more than you. My mom's brother is abroad and he left his son here with us. I don't really have anything against him and I really love this child but ever since he came to live with us I felt distinct from my family and felt like my mom didn't love me because she really loves but because I'm her child and that she must. He has blended really well in our family which is a great thing but not really. My parents don't seem to talk to me anymore except for some important things like lunch, dinner, school and stuffs. They feel comfortable leaving the house with my cousin without considering me. 

But the main thing here is my mother. My mother hasn't really been much of a speaker when it comes to me. She barely talks to me when we're alone but she smiles and socializes with others. But I always feel hurt when I see my mom cherishing my cousin. He really is a lovely child and does enlightens the mood but all I wished was for my mom to consider me as well. I know that my mom has been through a lot when I was young. My mother claims that living with my dad's side of family was like hell to her (she used to share her past story occasionally). Considering how she always talks about her and my dad's sacrifices for me, I should've felt more motivated to do something meaningful but it has made me feel like my existence was like a burden to them as of fact that we aren't really well off.

For the record, I have never heard my mom praise me. Even if there were it wouldn't cross more than 5 times that I know of, but she praises my cousin like every single day. You can't really accuse me here saying I'm a bad sister because I have more that one cousin from my mother's side of family itself but I have never seen her so determined to take care of kids, she evens once said that she somehow feels some kind of attachment with my cousin(which she probably doesn't feel with me). Now that it's been months he's staying with us, I can't seem to keep up with reality anymore. When  I stay in living room I feel unwanted witnessing unfair treatment and when I stay in my room my dad gets angry saying I spend too much time in my gadgets and not study.

I have no idea what I'm supposed to do anymore. I know my mom loves my but how much is it really. Is it worth saying that she loves me that much that she risked her life giving birth to me?

 

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I think your mother is treating your cousin this way because your cousin likely has been going through a really hard time. I would try not to compare.  What you're supposed to do is tell yourself this is temporary and comparing in this way is unhealthy for you.  I'm sorry you feel this way.  How old are you? Can you help out more in the house since your mother now has extra work because of your cousin?

I had a life threatening medical condition 12 days after I gave birth to my son. He is 13. He doesn't know about this because I don't want him to feel badly. We talk about how pregnancy is hard on a woman's body and how it was worth all of what I went through to conceive at an older age and give birth to him.  I won the lottery with him.  He did actually get jealous once -he saw me fawning all over my niece's new baby I met for the first time. My son was 6 and we didn't realize he felt ignored until he ran from the room and went into another room and was upset.  We really didn't know (he was of course included in meeting his new cousin).  

What do you do to try to draw your mother out? What do you two like to do together? If you share your age I may have some suggestions.

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You can't force your mother (nor anyone) to give you what you want such as empathy, care, the type of love you crave, attention, respect, consideration for your feelings, all of it.  It either exists on their own accord or they're not willing to give what you wish and crave for.  I'm sorry.

I can relate.  My mother tends to favor my younger sister because she's the baby of the family of 3 grown adult children and my sister is very charming.  I felt envious and jealous for a while but nowadays, I've grown to accept it.  I have strong, enforced boundaries with them.  We are peaceful but it doesn't mean we're chums.  My sister turns on the old country charm and I'm not charming.  I don't flatter people in order to be well liked.  I'm not phony nor fake.  I don't play the old high school clique game with anyone.  I don't need to be popular while acting like an actress in order to win their approval.  It's not me.  I don't trust people who play that sick game, partake in it or buy into it.  I prefer to be with people who are quiet, humble and very sincere.

My mother comes from a very hellish background from babyhood, childhood, teenage years, young adulthood and marriage.  It was all so egregious.  She is who she is due to her miserable background. 

I don't know how old you are.  I hope you will grow and mature by accepting how a lot of people are on this Earth including your mother.  Even though it's hard for you to read this,  know that when people are unkind to you,  they're actually doing you a huge favor.  They're mistreatment towards you is an inadvertent way to teach you to become very independent minded.  You learn to go your own way in life by not relying nor depending on others (even family) to make you feel happy, whole and complete.  You learn to create your own happiness.  Do what you can control however way you do it whether it's success, prosperity and surrounding yourself with classy people.  Your world can be limitless if you are bound and determined to make it happen.  Have this vision for your life. 

In the meantime, remain peaceful.  Don't be docile though.  Be your own person.  Be tough and strong.  Get off your gadgets, study hard and make something of your life.  There's nothing stronger than financial independence. 

Perhaps suggest doing activities with your mother and / or parents.  You don't always have to be lumped together with your cousin.  If your mother is not receptive, then go your own way in life mentally if you're too young to move out.  Be cool.  Also, be piercingly calculated regarding how to navigate your future with financial independence because you'll have more choices then.  Don't be frustrated and sad.  Be smart.

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