time for her heart to heal?

[MtnBiker22]

hello everyone. I am in need of some need of advice and support. I dated this girl (lesbian relationship) for 4 months. While I know this is a very short time, feelings moved very quickly. We exchanged "I love yous" after 1.5 months. We talked often about marriage, our ceremony, rings, etc. Both of us were very excited that we'd finally found someone that everything just clicked with and couldn't wait to start our lives together.

 

A couple of weeks ago, we got into an argument because I struggle with insecurities and jealousies. I made a lot of false accusations and, as a result, really hurt her. Afterwards, she went into defense mode because she was so hurt by things I had said.

 

Anyway, we were slowly getting past that incident and working on things but this past weekend, we got into another argument. This obviously wasn't good since she was still very much in defense mode from the previous disagreement.

 

It should probably also be mentioned that her grandmother recently passed away (this was her first experience losing a grandparent) and her grandfather started to deteriorate quickly thereafter. He had not been doing well for the past month and he passed away on Tuesday. My ex is a school counselor so it's pretty much her nature to try and support everyone she can - her mother on her two recent losses, her father, her cousin, family, as well as her kids at school.

 

After two days of NC, my ex called me (we're in a LDR so this isn't unusual) on Tuesday (the day her grandfather passed on) and broke up with me.... some of her reasons "my heart needs to heal from everything that has happened this past month", "I'm watching out for myself", "I don't have the energy for a relationship right now", "I'm tired", "not emotionally ready"

 

I sent her flowers on the loss of her grandfather yesterday but have not contacted her in anyway since the breakup call on Tuesday. Do you all recommend NC to let "her heart heal." I really think this is the girl I will marry some day and I'm not ready to walk away from it yet.

 

Thanks for listening. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated.

[imagi]

Grieving is a strange process. If she's saying that she needs space.. then give it to her. She's dealing with the death of her grandparents the only way she knows how. If you guys are right for each other, it'll happen, but she probably really needs the space right now. I'm not saying "wait around forever for her", but give her that space right now.. even though it's probably really hard for you to do so.

[MtnBiker22]

imagi, thank you for your reply. It helps to hear what other people think of the situation.

 

Here is my next question, I still have had no contact since my ex broke up with me on Tuesday. I was supposed to visit her this weekend because she is running in a half marathon tomorrow.

 

Do you guys think it would be ok for me to send her a text message wishing her good luck tomorrow? I love her so much and I don't want to make any mistakes with this one. Thank you for listening.

[imagi]

Yeah. If you're comfortable with texting her just said something short and sweet. She'll probably like that you're being thoughtful AND respecting her wishes to not see her. Good luck with everything, and I hope things work out for you =).

[MtnBiker22]

Just an update....

 

I have been maintaining NC since the breakup. Well, she called last night (almost two weeks since the breakup).

 

We talked for a very long time - at first just catching up on each other's lives and then we talked about our relationship.

 

Basically, she is still saying that she does not want to be in a relationship right now. A lot has happened in her life these past few months (loss of two grandparents in addition to losing two co-workers to death). On top of all of this, we had been having difficulties and our last argument was so bad that she lost a lot of trust in me.

 

She says she doesn't want to give me a second chance right now. I asked her what it would take (if anything) to get her back to wanting to try again to which she responded that she needed time and wanted to rebuild her trust in me through a friendship.

 

I think that she has hope that something more will eventually come out of the friendship (as do I) so I guess this is what we're going to do.

 

My plan is to keep letting her come to me for a little while so that I can work on myself (the things that caused the break up) and continue to give her space and time.

 

...keeping busy, staying strong, working on me, and holding on to a glimmer of hope (for now).

 

Wish us luck!