Intense feeling of shame

[Ocba]

You're close to the mark, but it's more than likely that you going to these places alone has less to do with the activity itself.

Either you want to be noticed and you feel bad about it, or you don't want to be noticed and you feel bad about it. Or, you have a need that is not being met and the activity is a channel you're using to try and meet that need.

Something in your blueprint isn't matching up. You might have an expectation that is failing reality tests, you could have an internal rule that you are unwitttingly violating, or you have a need that is not being met, and the emotion you're experiencing is trying to tell you something important about the the matter.

Try asking yourself some questions next time it happens. I would not just chalk it up to anxiety. If you do that, you may miss the opportunity to figure out what is really going on with you.

[Ocba]

9 hours ago, kim42 said:

I just hate being the center of attention,🙂 

Hmmm.

I'm calling your bluff.

I do not believe this at all. I will make it simple: everybody needs (literally, NEEDs) recognition from others in some form.

What's happening here has more to do with you having an expectation that you think you should be living up to and you believe you're not or can't--and you're failing your own tests as result, but the rule is that you should okay with the attention and you're not because it makes you feel insecure.

You don't hate the attention, but you do hate feeling insecure when attention is focused on you because you begin testing and failing yourself.

 

Stooooop, lol. 😌

[Batya33]

33 minutes ago, Ocba said:

I do not believe this at all. I will make it simple: everybody needs (literally, NEEDs) recognition from others in some form.

In some form.  Even if that's true, in some form is very broad.  For example I hated when the main focus on my young son was to notice his looks.  I don't do that to children - focus on their looks as if they're a cute puppy.  

She doesn't need to feel comfortable with this sort of attention.  People are individuals. Maybe she'd feel comfortable if she was having coffee, the barrista noticed her coffee was empty and he discreetly left his station, came over and asked if he could bring her a refill since she's a regular.  She might have been comfortable with a more subtle, discreet approach.  For example.  

I don't think this is any sort of bluff that needs to be called.

[Ocba]

10 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

In some form.  Even if that's true, in some form is very broad.  For example I hated when the main focus on my young son was to notice his looks.  I don't do that to children - focus on their looks as if they're a cute puppy.  

She doesn't need to feel comfortable with this sort of attention.  People are individuals. Maybe she'd feel comfortable if she was having coffee, the barrista noticed her coffee was empty and he discreetly left his station, came over and asked if he could bring her a refill since she's a regular.  She might have been comfortable with a more subtle, discreet approach.  For example.  

I don't think this is any sort of bluff that needs to be called.

What i'm doing is bringing focus to the distinction. Another way to understand what I said is to consider that she's bluffing herself, and it's time to find out why. If she's having this kind if issue but her surface level narrative is that she hates being the center if attention, then the problem could easily be dismissed as not liking the attention and she wouldn't be here, but she is, so I've given subject material to work with.

What she needs to do is figure out the truth--the real reason she feels that way, because that is what will solve her problem.

[Batya33]

21 minutes ago, Ocba said:

What i'm doing is bringing focus to the distinction. Another way to understand what I said is to consider that she's bluffing herself, and it's time to find out why. If she's having this kind if issue but her surface level narrative is that she hates being the center if attention, then the problem could easily be dismissed as not liking the attention and she wouldn't be here, but she is, so I've given subject material to work with.

What she needs to do is figure out the truth--the real reason she feels that way, because that is what will solve her problem.

I understood the first time and disagree with your analysis of what she described and agree with the analysis she gave and others commented on.  People often have different perspectives on these highly individual and subjective situations.  I shared mine.  

[kim42]

On 11/1/2022 at 12:07 AM, Batya33 said:

I understood the first time and disagree with your analysis of what she described and agree with the analysis she gave and others commented on.  People often have different perspectives on these highly individual and subjective situations.  I shared mine.  

Thank you, Batya, I don't feel that I have to defend myself, I get that not everyone might be able to understand my situation, but this thread has definitely helped me to realize some things, so all is well.