I want her back, Is she playing with my mind?

[gleno]

Hi,

 

Just need a little help, about a month ago I broke up with my girlfriend after a three year relationship because of increased fights, not going anywhere together, and it just felt like everything I did was incorrect for her so finally ended the relationship. I was very strong for the first week even when she begged me back I told her no I didn't want to go through it again.

 

But the second week I broke and wanted her back!

 

Anyway over the last month I have had many up's and downs! I posted comments on this web site and a couple of poeple told me not to go back to my ex and to try and stop contact. To tell you the truth I haven't stopped contact it has been just to hard because I want her back.

 

My ex keeps telling me that she isn't looking for anyone else and is not ready to go back into a relationship with me and has to think about it but still has feelings for me... (she tells me this over and over) this has been going on for a month! When she tells me that I feel that she is saying that to play with my mind!

 

There has also been times where she comes over to my house and we have excellent times like nothing has happened and we are back together again for a couple of hours until she goes back home?!?!?!

 

I continuously tell her I still love her and want to get back together but nothing is said back and she keeps telling me that she can't say anything and feels like I'm forcing her to make a decision about getting back together.

 

Is this normal? Can enyone who has been through this tell me what happens next? Will my ex come back or is it over? Is she playing with my mind?

[shorty20]

I think that you need to take controll back... stop calling her, texting her, initiating talks online... however you guys normally communicate, you need to stop taking the initiative and let her start. Don't act needy or desperate, act like you are going to live your life with our without her... it sounds like she may just be stalling, but presuring her may push her away and make her not want to get back with you even more! Give her her space, and let her come to you. Don't act like you are revolving your life around her, just live like you normally do, go out with friends, and eventually, if the love is still there she will come back to you with open arms. Good luck hun.

[rebecka]

To tell you the truth, ive been in that same position. i broke up with my bf but then i wanted him back. he was saying the same thing to me that he wasnt ready for a relationship w/someone else but wanted to wait on us..well i found out he was just stringing me along. its very hard to let go of someone youve been with for a long time and so attached to. i know this is a cliche but time will heal. you want her back becuz you ARE so attached, its only been a month. and if you keep seeing her and talking with her it just makes things worse. if she really wanted to work on things with you then she would. you cant keep just seeing each other off and on. unless she also wants to work on things with you, then i think you should call it quits all together. i had to do that with my ex that i loved very much. i am now a better person and with someone that i truly love..i look back on that break up and glad its over. so truthfully i really think she is just stringy you along...sorry to say. I also think you should get some hobbies and hang out with friends and family more-it will help! good luck to you!

[heloladies21]

I get the feeling that you don't really want your ex back, you just miss being in a relationship. Do you think all the reasons why you broke up just disappeared? All this time you're spending on your ex, you could be out there looking for someone new. New relationship is right around the corner buddy. Sooner you get started, sooner you'll get there.

[Iceman26]

All this time you're spending on your ex, you could be out there looking for someone new. New relationship is right around the corner buddy. Sooner you get started, sooner you'll get there.

 

I agree with this, and I am guessing this is why she wont get back into a relationship with you as well: shes looking for someone else.

[JT]

I went through the exact same thing you did so I can speak from experience. Save yourself the heartache and dont take her calls or anything, despite how hard it is. The sooner you cut contact with her, the sooner your able to move on. Even if you did get back with her for whatever reason, chances are it would'nt workout and you'd always carry the burden and the fact that you've both been separated and the trust is simply gone. Very hard if indeed impossible to regain trust when this happens and the one sided bitterness never will leave you.

 

Its going to be extra hard because now she holds the podium, so what you need to do is to be strong and not pick up the phone when she calls you. Avoid places where she will be.. dont ask friends hows she's doing. Ignore her and dont look at her if she looks at you. Once she sees your not at her beck and call she's going to try extra hard to get you back.. but keep you on a leash... "false hope". Dont give her that. I went back and forth with what your going through now until I finally decided that in order to leave her I had to be a cold ignorant bastard... and thats what I did. Life couldnt be better now. I suggest you take a similar approach.

[av82]

I would definitely leave it alone...you don't want to come accross as being pushy. That will make things worse because she will feel pressured. You will need to move on and think past the situation. What's done is done. You originally told her you can't take the arguments anymore...so you know that it can't work...more time is need with NC so things can heal.

 

She begged...and I know how that feels...so she probably is past trying to move on. She probably lost hope and is focused on seeing how situation will be without you. She cares but she may be scared of getting hurt again. I know how it feels to beg and then feel humilated afterwards....not a good feeling...the ego is hurt and then needs to be repaired. Feelings is something that needs to be handled with care...and only time heals them. Trust is definitely an issue that needs to be built up again...and it needs to be made up for.

 

You can be her friend later...but now...NC. Do it now and do it until you comfortable being her friend again. I can't say she will want to get back with you...but you will need to focus on your life...she seems to be trying to do that herself. Let things heal...and who knows maybe later you guys can be friends and things may be different. But right now...the damage is done and healing needs to be in progress.

[gleno]

Bugger! As much as I don't want to stop contact with my ex everyone around me is telling me "NO MORE CONTACT" (The same thing).

 

I think I have completely lost all reasons why I broke up in the first place, I need to wake up and smell the fresh air and go my own way!

 

It scares me so much because I don't know what the future will bring.[/b]