Stop the world I want to get off....

[nix]

I don't know what I need right now, I am so confused and hurt and disoriented and angry and and and – just any advice or words will do.

 

My situation is quite unbelievable, I would never in my wildest dreams have believed that what has happened would have but it has and here I am trying to deal with it.

 

I have been around these forums for some months now and posting on various bits and pieces of my painful journey. My full story can probably be pieced together but now I feel it is time to tell the full story as I now I feel I have an ending or at least I hope so.

 

5 years ago I got together with the love of my life. We'd known each other since school, he was my first kiss…now my dream was coming true. He lived in my home town and I lived 2 hours away in another, but we were inseparable and saw each other every weekend and more. Our relationship was perfect, too perfect, I was on cloud 9 feeling like the luckiest person in the world.

 

We decided that we needed to be together permanently so I gave up my life, friends, job and home and moved into his house and we started a new life together. In retrospect I had to start again all he did was have me around more. All this was decided on the understanding that we would buy a house together, it never happened.

 

Still we were happy although for me it was difficult because of the changes in my life and the fact I was living in a house that he had bought with his ex and had a child. I was blinded by love and couldn't see that he wasn't giving his full self to me, how stupid was I?

 

He has serious psychological issues due to various reasons which make him a very angry, self centred and irrational. I didn't know about these when I met him although he did tell me he had had problems in the past about 3 months into the relationship. I never realised what a massive impact this would have on us. I tried my best to help him to get help but in the end it was too much to deal with and it ended our relationship.

 

We lived together for 3 months after we split and it was hard but I dealt with it, he couldn't. He couldn't be around me without being with me and it caused a lot of anger and resentment to build up between us. When I left things had calmed a little and I thought that maybe in time we might be friends…even get back together.

 

I thought that if we weren't together that he really would see that he had problems and that his problems were not because of me. That he would go and get help and deal with and sort out whatever it was that was making him so unhappy but he didn't.

 

Instead he started seeing a friend/neighbour that he'd known for years, and that I also knew, and now 3 months later they are engaged! My question is why didn't they get together before when they have had a million and one opportunities to do so?

 

So I guess that's the end of the story isn't it. You can't get more full on closure than that. I haven't seen or spoken to him since I moved out and he didn't have the decency to tell me he was engaged, one of our mutual friends did.

 

Now I feel totally destroyed, betrayed, lost and alone. I gave everything that I could of me so selflessly and he gave nothing back, yet he has given everything that I waited, worked for and deserved to her so easily. Its hard finding out that your ex is seeing someone else, its harder when its someone you know and off the scale when they get engaged. Our relationship has been made a total mockery of and it is such a harsh realisation.

 

Now I suppose its easier to move on knowing that there is now no chance for us but what really hurts is that I still believe he was my one. The reason being that he is ill, if he wasn't our relationship would have been and still would be perfect, and I think he knows it too, underneath.

 

I want him to be happy and I hold no malice toward him, I love him too much. I just hope what he is doing is for the right reasons and not to get back at me, even though it's worked if that is the case! I cant and don't want to make him change his mind, if he did its all too late now anyway.

 

So there it is, my story with an ending…be it a little shakey. Im sure there will be more to add down the line but from here on in I have to concentrate on me and my healing and let him get on with him.

 

I'm not sure I'm expecting responses although any words/opinions/insight will be gladly received as as strong as I am being I just want the world to stop and let me get off!

[sonjam]

Nix, stop beating yourself up over this. I know exactly how you feel when you say

yet he has given everything that I waited, worked for and deserved to her so easily.

 

My ex cheated on me continuously during our 3 year marraige.. I moved out in October, he acted devastated but his new GF moved into OUR house in December (we only got divorced in Feb).

 

I HATED THEM and her for taking all my hard work, my home my husband away from me....

 

but you know what...

 

He's not worth it. Don't think for one minute he's going to be a totally different person, and she's going to have the perfect life you thought you were going to have. He still have all his issues, and she's going to have to deal with it now. SHE'S IN FOR A ROCKY RIDE!!

 

But YOU, lucky you, get to start fresh, with a healthier, happier person and a new relationship.

 

EVER thought of it that way? She's going to miserable soon, issues don't just disappear.......

[cleverme123]

Well one of lifes hard lessons lick your wounds and move on. I too did this twice over now, I have let men dictate my life. I left the state and gave all my belongings away. I sat helplessly and watched him take my family, friends, car, self esteem and job. He beat me to a pulp.

 

That is the worst of it...I got back up and continued on. You can't always predict peoples behavior but you can see things going down hill. You will do crazy things while in love and some times even crazier things falling out of love. He really had no obligation to tell you he was engaged. You were sad to say, a time filler for him. You gave up all he gave up none and that is the way it goes.

 

My best advice is to forget it, no need to sit around and drudge over what you could of or should have done. Be thankful you found out now and not after you married him.

[nix]

Sonjam - Thank you as ever for your wisdom it really means alot. You are so right about us being the lucky ones, wasnt that a close escape! I suppose it just takes time for it to sink in, I still feel like i'm in shock to be honest.

 

I do hate her because I know her and how could she do this but at the same time I feel desperately sorry for her. She thinks she knows him because they have been friends for so long but boy how wrong could she be.

 

He wont change just like that, I know it and so does he. Until he sorts his problems he'll keep on breaking peoples hearts and making himself unhappy - it's so unfair but not my problem anymore!

 

Cleverme - I appreciate your honesty, really I do but still its hard to kind of get to grips with. I really thought I was stronger and more swithched on than I am and its difficult to accept that i'm not.

 

Its obvious you've been through the same if not worse by the sounds of it and you have come out a stronger person for it. Hopefully that will happen to me.