Commitment from Girlfriend

[Jaybird94]

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. For the first year of our relationship we were long distance. So during Covid I moved to Canada to be with her and went through many obstacles to make it work so we can be together. I moved away from my home, family, and relocated my job to her city so we could be together. Recently, my dad has gone through some health problems and I need to go home to the U.S to take care of him for a few months because he’s not doing well.

I told her this and said I wanted to bring her with me so we wouldn’t be apart. She doesn’t want to go with me unless I propose and demands that I do or she isn’t going to coming. I made the point that I already left everything and moved to be with her but she thinks that I’m in the wrong. My stance is if your the one for me shouldn’t you want to come with me no matter what? I already moved my whole life to be with you without hesitation and you can’t give me the same commitment back.

I want to eventually propose I feel it should be on my own terms and not be pressured to do it by anyone.

[Cherylyn]

Your girlfriend doesn't want to go to the U.S. unless you give her a legal commitment. 

Unfortunately,  your moving to Canada and uprooting your life for her wasn't good enough because it didn't include a proposal and marriage.  She wants more than you're willing to give right now.

Do you know your future's proposal timeline?  Have you discussed this with your girlfriend?  Perhaps she needs to know what your plans are so she doesn't have to wait and guess.  Without a ring,  she doesn't want to waste anymore time with you including traveling to the U.S. as just your girlfriend. 

Don't test each other with your move to Canada and asking her to travel to U.S.  There shouldn't be ultimatums.  Discuss future plans so no one is left wondering what will happen when or not happen.  Have a conversation with her to determine if both of you are on the same page or not.  Then proceed from there.  For now, go ahead and travel to the U.S. for your ailing father.  Either she'll decide to accompany you after your discussion with her or she could very well dissolve and exit the relationship if her patience wears thin. 

[Wonderstruck]

Whoa, I think that your girlfriend may have actually posted about this EXACT topic literally two days ago on this forum.

Is this her?

 

[Kwothe28]

Its interesting because the other day we had a girl here wondering if she should move in with her boyfriend from Canada to US. If you are not a troll, its interesting because its rarely that we get both perspectives here as the posters only put their perspective there and not the other side one. And usually the other side one could be quite diferent.

Anyway, its admirrable that you sacrificied for her and your relationship. But she needs at least some kind of reassurance before she does it for you. For her, that is in the way of long term commitment of marriage. 

What is the problem with that? You are in a 3 year old relationship so by now it should go to next step.

As Ive said on the other thread, if you want to move forward you would have to reach some middle ground. You are both adamant in your demands and that is not good for a relationship moving forward. So, somebody would maybe have to accept demands of other. In this case its more realistic that somebody to be you. As you expect her to leave everything for you without any reassurance relationship would move forward nore that she would even have a job in the USA. 

[lostandhurt]

Hmmm

Interesting detective work.

 When were you thinking of proposing?

 Lost

[SooSad33]

Hmm yeah, so which is it.. Him or her?  lol

Either way, this post for example...  Yeah, why does one need a proposal to agree to move with your BF, whom you do eventually expect a proposal from?

Seems to me the bf does need to go back home to help with his ill father.  So, if it is possible, why can the gf not just go with?  😕 

IF it's all about a darn proposal, then maybe there's other problems going on?

[Batya33]

I would do long distance while you care for your father in the US (I am sorry he is ill!) and have her relocate once you're ready to propose.  I relocated for my husband within the US but it was really impactful on leaving my family (plane flight) and job, etc - there was no question that the relocation wouldn't happen till after we were married.  No pressure to propose -we were getting married anyway - but it never occurred to either of us that I should relocate without being married.  We'd discussed the potential relocation when we first started dating and I'd agreed that if we got married I'd be willing to relocate for his career.  And I did.

[Andrina]

12 hours ago, Jaybird94 said:

dating for 3 years

After 3 years, most people would use the word "in a relationship." The term dating after such a long relationship is telling to me, that it's not evolved to the depth it should be at.

12 hours ago, Jaybird94 said:

I wanted to bring her with me so we wouldn’t be apart

How is it that you both can leave work for 2 months? 

12 hours ago, Jaybird94 said:

I want to eventually propose I feel it should be on my own terms and not be pressured to do it by anyone.

How about being mature adults and having a discussion about when a good time for marrying should happen. A grand proposal isn't mandatory. My husband and I just had a discussion. There was no proposal. What is the holdup? What more do you need to know about her after 3 years to make a decision? Don't you already live together? If so, I'm assuming you're both financially stable.

[smackie9]

I can see there is resentment from both side...maybe it's not meant to be. 

[boltnrun]

Did the both of you happen to post here or is this the same person pretending to present both sides to get "different perspectives"?

I'd like to know the answer to this question before offering advice.