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Does this girl who is in a relationship like me?


James90
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Hi all,

I am just after some dating advice. I separated from my 1st and only girlfriend 3 years ago who I was with long term and am now just putting myself out there again. So I am not the most experienced with dating.

So I have been talking to a girl and we went on a ‘date’ and unknown to me until our date, she revealed she has a girlfriend that she’s in a ‘complicated’ relationship with. I’m a guy and she’s bi.

So I’m slightly confused as to whether this girl likes me… but I want to be her friend either way as we just get along really well. 

She’s someone I got to know briefly from years ago and we got along really well but lost touch because of my girlfriend at the time not being comfortable with me having female acquittances. It’s important to mention as well that one of my friends who knows her thought she liked me all those years ago. 

I recently saw her at a bar and so I said hello. At first she said she didn’t recognise me. She offered to buy me a drink, we chatted and then I wandered over to the dance floor. Later she pulled me aside and we continued to chat and she said she remembered my cute face and asked if I wanted to go for a beer with her next week. She was a bit drunk but so was I. I’m not the kind of guy to approach girls I like so this was a bold new step for me and also I’ve never been asked out on a date before. So this was a bit of a wow moment for me. 

She initially cancelled our first planned ‘date’ but rescheduled for the following week. So we met up and on the date about an hour in, she mentioned she is in a complicated relationship, that she no longer lives with her girlfriend but said she’s the love of her life. I didn’t know she was in a relationship until this point. She seemed to have quite an expressionless face while she was talking about her and just generally seemed a bit down talking about it but maybe it’s just me assuming this. Her girlfriend also knew she was meeting me, so they had been open about us meetings up. It also sounded like her girlfriend is a bit harsh to her but I’m not entirely sure.

Later in the night after some drinks she asked me if I was seeing anybody, to which I was honest and replied that I was speaking to other girls on Tinder etc. She said that I would find someone nice which I assumed meant she wasn’t interested in me. At this point we were both starting to get drunk. I later mentioned she has small but cute hands and then she compared her hands to mine by putting them on mine. Some time after this we had some prolonged eye contact and grinned at each other. Again I’m not sure if I’m reading it wrong, but it certainly felt tense.

As we were leaving she rested her head on my chest and put her arms around me and I gave her a hug. After this she asked if I wanted to come over the next day for pre drinks, just me and her and that we could go to her friends birthday party later on. After this I dropped her off in a taxi and she gave me a peck half on my lips half on my cheek. 

When I got home she was texting me and said she can’t wait to see me tomorrow, she had a great time, called me angel and sent lots of kiss emojis.

The next day she said we would reschedule as she didn’t want a big night out and just wanted to show her face for an hour at the party instead and just wanted to have a chilled, early night in. Maybe she’s having second thoughts but at the same time she rescheduled our last meet up. She again sent me very suggestive messages saying things such as ‘I’ll be thinking about you’ with a smiley emojis and kisses when I mentioned I was stuck in meetings all day while I was hungover. I haven’t heard from her in a few days now but she is generally slow at replying to me and so naturally I’m not spamming her with messages either. 

So this is tough for me, does she just want to be friends or is there something more here? Is she using me? She is seemingly coming on very strong in my book at least or is she just being friendly? We get along really well as friends anyway, the conversation was flowing all night and I assume she likes spending time with me. 
 

As well just to mention, I don’t want to get with her if this is going to turn into an affair and I’m not sure where she stands with her girlfriend truthfully. Maybe I’m just being naive and maybe she doesn’t like me in that way and I’m just reading it wrong. Either way I want to be friends and don’t want to do anything to compromise that. 

Regardless, I am going to take it slow and maybe take a step back and see where things go from here. I figured it’s best to wait for her to respond. If she becomes more intimate I will ask her to be honest about her relationship and where we are at. 
 

Thanks,

James

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24 minutes ago, James90 said:

So I have been talking to a girl and we went on a ‘date’ and unknown to me until our date, she revealed she has a girlfriend that she’s in a ‘complicated’ relationship with. I’m a guy and she’s bi.

Right off the bat I want to say it doesn't matter whether she likes your or not as long as she wants to remain in a complicated relationship with her (ex) girlfriend. I would friend zone her and keep it at that unless she expresses a desire to leave her complicated relationship and date you in earnest. Otherwise you're just asking for trouble. 

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50 minutes ago, James90 said:

As we were leaving she rested her head on my chest and put her arms around me and I gave her a hug. After this she asked if I wanted to come over the next day for pre drinks, just me and her and that we could go to her friends birthday party later on. After this I dropped her off in a taxi and she gave me a peck half on my lips half on my cheek. 

When I got home she was texting me and said she can’t wait to see me tomorrow, she had a great time, called me angel and sent lots of kiss emojis.

A 'real friend' does not act out so physically to another and all of that silly kissy stuff.  Nope.

Is best you give this a rest.  She should not be so dependent & expecting you to be hanging with her so much.... out for drinks, then more & a party, etc.

 

51 minutes ago, James90 said:

So this is tough for me, does she just want to be friends or is there something more here? Is she using me? She is seemingly coming on very strong in my book at least or is she just being friendly? We get along really well as friends anyway, the conversation was flowing all night and I assume she likes spending time with me. 

No, I suggest you back off all of this- big time!

You need to give respect on the fact she has a gf?  Or is maybe starting to distance herself from her?  Either way, she is not in the right frame of mind for a relationship- so yeah, most likely leaning your way for some attention.  Which is wrong.

 

 

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Thanks all. Yeah it’s certainly an odd situation and I wouldn’t feel right taking things further for my own benefit and hers too ultimately. Absolutely it’s not right that I’m even considering this while she has a gf. I will steer clear. I really appreciate your advice. All this made me quite confused emotionally, as I went into this thinking she was single, with positive expectations and because I like her, it does hurt a bit. But we live and we learn. 

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It confuses you because it is confusing. She gives you mixed signals where she would maybe like to have something with you and even calls you out at her home for "drinks before the party" and then just straight up cancels out. She has unresolved issues from previous relationship and even calls that person "love of her life" so its no wonder. 

For you its best to just move on. Completely. Who knows why she is like that? Maybe she just wants to make other girl jealous. Maybe she likes you but cant commit right now. But anyway, that is not on you to decipher. Anything that complicated that cant be commited to dating you and giving you mixed stuff, should be passed on by your side. That is all you need to know and do here.

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Be very cautious here, OP. 

She sounds like the type who enjoys having admirers - when it suits her. She isn't single and she's out there flirting around and behaving like a single woman. Ask yourself if that is someone you would really want to date. Don't make the mistake of assuming she wouldn't do exactly the same thing to you. 

She's not a high-quality gal. Choose wisely. 

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6 hours ago, James90 said:

 I have been talking to a girl and we went on a ‘date’ and she revealed she has a girlfriend that she’s in a ‘complicated’ relationship with. I’m a guy and she’s bi.

Don't waste time on unavailable people no matter how "complicated", they claim things are. In fact " it's complicated" is a red flag to run from. Especially let people explore their sexuality on their own time.

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Thanks for your honest advice everyone. I could’ve done something stupid without this and set myself up for a world of pain. I do generally find it hard navigating my emotions and have been fixated on this for the last few days. I feel like I can properly move on now. It’s made me realize that I need to have more self respect when it comes to dating and that I don’t need to settle for less than what I deserve. Thank you!

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