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Things are different since I moved in with boyfriend


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Hi everyone. I need advice from people who are experienced with relationships because I am not really. I googled relationship advice and found you guys.

 

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years and moved in together a few months ago. I am 20 he is 29. 

 

I just feel like our relationship has changed since I moved in. The couple times I’ve tried to talk to him about it he just doesn’t understand and it makes me feel like I’m crazy.

 

He has gotten more just controlling (I’m not sure that’s even the right word to describe it) things are even different sexually. when I moved in I quit my serving job to focus on school which he pushed. He wanted to spend more time with me and things would be fine financially.

 

The only places I go to is school, with him, and see my friends and family maybe once a week. He has made comments about guys being there. Unless one of my few friends bring their boyfriends, which is rare and he knows this. I have never cheated ever, never even thought about it. Don’t hang out with guys, don’t talk to guys. I know he has went through my phone a couple of times which is whatever. 

 

The other day I was leaving to go to the grocery store and he wanted me to change my shorts which really put me off. We got into an argument he pretty much said I look like a ***. That really hurt me and made me mad at the same time. I tried to leave he wouldn’t physically let me. We made up and things were fine. He told me if we are going to be in a serious relationship he expects certain things which is fine I guess. I don’t wear those shorts anymore. But other then wearing too short of shorts I don’t think I have done anything wrong. I try to make his life outside of work as easy and good as I can. 

 

I don’t really know what to think? Please help me decipher him because I don’t feel like I have changed at all and I don’t know what more he wants? Other then this stuff lately our relationship is really good, I don’t want to make it sound like it’s all bad.

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Oh girl... Red flags all around. He pushed for you to quit your job - cutting out your financials meaning you are financially dependent on him. He goes thru your phone - he has no respect for your things. Make comments about you being around guys - when you have never showed any signs of unfaithfulness. 

You need to really get out while you can. I'm not saying dump him, but don't live with him. Can you move in with someone until your boyfriend is willing to talk to you about his insecurities?

 

 

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27 minutes ago, Roses73 said:

I can always move back in with parents if i need to. Didn’t realize it sounded that bad 

Yes it's bad and it will get worse. If he hasn't, he will emotionally manipulate you to isolate you from your friends and family. Insecure people are paranoid and they know how to gaslight you - make you feel like you're the crazy one.

I recommend you move back with your parents and tell your boyfriend you need to re-assess the living arrangement and figure stuff out. If he asks why you tell him the truth. That you don't feel like you can be yourself. You want to be comfortable being you in your home and know that you are being respected which also translate to "please do not go through my stuff and tell me how to dress."

Don't be scare to stand up for yourself even if that means being a little assertive without getting emotional. 

 

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5 hours ago, Roses73 said:

. We got into an argument he pretty much said I look like a ***. That really hurt me and made me mad at the same time. I tried to leave he wouldn’t physically let me. 

Sorry this is happening. Where did you live before? 

Why did you move in with him? You're in an abusive controlling relationship. 

There's no free lunch. Read up on abusive relationships they're never "all bad".

However you're falling for the classic tactics. Moving in under his thumb. Quitting your job to disable your independence. Slowly isolating yourself from friends and family. Now allowing him to tell you how to dress and allowing verbal abuse. You're letting him wear you down. You're turning into his little slave and whipping post. 

Stop it. Move out asap. Why aren't you telling trusted friends and family about this?

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