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PTSD *Trigger Warning*

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It’s a strange thing PTSD. I was recently diagnosed with it by my psychiatrist. It explains a lot! 

I notice it when I have to go to urgent care or the ER for some serious health issues that come up. I’m very closed off from the male doctors. I always request a woman if I can. 

I remember right after being raped two weeks afterwards. I went to the ER for a kidney stone. The doctor was male and I look back feeling bad. He asked me if I was sexually active to rule out std. I started getting really offended and upset. I even yelled at him and the nursing staff and walked out. I haven’t shown my face back there since. 

I also have great moments then one little thing triggers the old emotions. I remember in counseling. She told me this will be a life long thing. The important thing is how I come to cope and deal with it. 

I will say it gets easier then it did before. 

I can function now outside of the house and do quite well. The world doesn’t seem as dark or bitter. 

when I have moments of panic or deep sadness. I look back on the things my counselor advised. She would always remind me. “What happened was in the past, currently right now he’s not here and you’re not being harmed. You’re safe.” 

That helps me a lot. It helps me get clarity of my surroundings and reminds me I’m a survivor. 

As for needing female doctors. I don’t know if that will get easier. I just allow myself to not be okay with what makes me uncomfortable. 

Sorry I rambled on.. 

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