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Do I stay or leave?


SteveWalker
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Yup she's buttering you up because she knows she can't do this without the free help. You are being used. that should be enough to let go. 

First mistake: Having a shared/sharing a horrible upbringing or painful life/ life of abuse, whatever like that, is toxic intimacy. When you meet someone you should be sharing joyful/positive things to have a healthy relationship.

You my friend are codependent. ( Codependency is a circular relationship in which one person needs the other person, who in turn, needs to be needed. The codependent person, known as 'the giver,' feels worthless unless they are needed by — and making sacrifices for — the enabler, otherwise known as 'the taker. )

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On 9/14/2022 at 5:31 AM, SteveWalker said:

Jump forward 6 months and I start having old mental issues resurfacing, I'm all around a bit a hard work at this point, the sex has also pretty much dried up and was very irregular. I feel like I received no help with my mental health issues and she would always get defensive if I asked any questions or got worried about anything. My sexual confidence has been a mess since my first girlfriend mentally abused me when I was 16-21.

1)  Why would expect any 'help' with your mental health issue's from her?  She is not a therapist.

2)  You never stated your age... Was this recent relationship of a year long after your las gf- who abused you?  Maybe you seriously need some down time to work on you?

 

On 9/14/2022 at 5:31 AM, SteveWalker said:

Sorry for the jumbled post but almost 2 months ago she kicked me out, made me pack all my stuff and I left. 1 night later she comes and apologises to me. I deserved to be kicked out because I was not in a good place mentally, it gave me a real kick and now I've finished counselling and thought we were doing amazing

You've finished counselling?  In two months?

Why are you living with this woman already?  If you've only been involved a year?

 

On 9/14/2022 at 5:31 AM, SteveWalker said:

Last night I did something terrible, I saw some messages from her best friend the other day that looked odd so when she went out I checked them on her ipad, really awful of me I know. What I found was like a stab in the back, she has told her friend back when we broke up that the sex was ***, so instead of telling me any of this she just always says she's not in the mood.

IMO, this is NONE of your business, what she has been talking to her friends about!  You have crossed that line of trust 😕 .. Yeah, now you've made things more complicated for yourself...

 

On 9/14/2022 at 5:31 AM, SteveWalker said:

I know it's my fault for looking but surely I deserve better than that after everything I've had to endure. Her drinking, initial drug use at the beginning of the relationship, her sons dad being a pain

Who cares about what msg's are sent... This is your choice.

Her drinking & drug use?  All YOU have had to endure?  No one is making you stay.

 

Move out and move on.  Has only been a year and is obvious you are NOT happy in this.

 

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