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My gf (now ex gf) didn't believe my proposal was real and broke up


Jakeissorry
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1 hour ago, Rose Mosse said:

I also hope you’re able to recognize distrust and when you’re no longer compatible with someone instead of remaining in a one sided or deeply dysfunctional relationship “waiting” for someone to regain their trust in you. Be able to cut your losses if you find it’s not working and be honest with yourself. You’re not fooling anyone anymore, so don’t fool yourself too into believing in “waiting” or “she can take all the time”. 

Good luck this Sunday and see how it goes. You have the rest of your life to live. Don’t stay stuck or assume that this is all there is.

No I'm not able to recognize distrust if someone doesn't tell me. I really thought we had worked it out, we were getting along again and she was happy in the relationship. I'm glad she told me everything that was bothering her ever since the prank. I wouldn't have figured it out without being told. I'm not very good in reading signs to be honest. 

Thank you and yes I hopefully it all works for the best.

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I would like to share this because I think it's important:

I know the answer to her question about why my proposal prank from 2 years ago was creative and sophisticated and had an over the top romantic scene and a good presentation vs my lame real proposal. She questioned why I couldn't do the same with the real proposal. I know the answer.

The fake proposal, I was copied it from other videos. All the wording, presentation and scene was from those other videos. I memorized a whole script and practiced it front of a mirror many times until I got it right. I only said this in my real proposal: ''It's been 4 great years. Will you marry me my love''. That was my real self and what I feel without following a script. 

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Have you ever been evaluated as far as your challenges with social skills, reading social cues? 

What do you think motivated you to put in all that time and effort to tricking your girlfriend into believing you were proposing marriage to her?

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So you're saying you put more thought and effort into your pranks than you do when you're doing something as your "real self"?

Look, I don't think you're an evil person. It's just puzzling how you know not to pretend to have Covid at work and cough on your coworkers but think it's OK to do that to someone you claim to love.  And how you know to be responsible and reliable at work but don't bother to pay your bills.  Also presumably you don't show up at work late on a regular basis but you do when you have plans with your girlfriend.

It seems like selective cluelessness to me.

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1 hour ago, Jakeissorry said:

Good point. Odd sense of ethics? Interesting. I've been told that before in the past multiple times. In the past when I was making a prank and not realizing (I didn't know others were getting bored or irritated) when to stop, one of my friends once pulled me aside and said ''You're a good friend but you can be weird too''. 

I can't tell you how many people in my life simply continue their boorish, unacceptable disrespectful behavior yet have no qualms never changing because to them, they consider themselves as  "normal."  These types of 'creatures' are avoided like the plague by my husband, sons and me. 

We've been gaslit countless times.  (Gaslighting is deflecting, changing the subject, changing your perception of the facts and labeling you as crazy.)  At least you are not one of them! 

Even though you are prepared for any scenario whether it's the outcome you wish for or an unsurprising negative outcome due to your ex-girlfriend's distrust,  you now realize that it takes a painful rejection experience to learn why it happened and what you can do to improve your life from this day forward.   I hope there's a 'happily ever after' for you.  Just be very prepared in every way so you won't be shocked if your ex-girlfriend doesn't respond the way you had anticipated.  Wish for the best and prepare for the worst. 

As years pass by, it's wisdom gained for you.  You're not only learning how to be a better person for yourself and others, you learn how to control scenarios so it is peaceful and harmonious.  It takes a lifetime to learn and fine tune.  This is your opportunity to evolve from a boy to a man.  You are transitioning from immaturity to maturity which is a positive trait. 

Shrewd interpersonal skills is a ballet.  There is a science and art form to it. 

There are so many people in my life who never grew up.  I feel as if I'm dealing with a chronic 2-year old.  My only solution is to cut them off.  I only surround myself with people who know how to behave properly.  Anyone else is too high maintenance and whether your ex-girlfriend is prepared for this daunting task is left to be seen this Sunday.   

I look forward to your naming your future daughter "Cherylyn!"   

 

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58 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Have you ever been evaluated as far as your challenges with social skills, reading social cues? 

What do you think motivated you to put in all that time and effort to tricking your girlfriend into believing you were proposing marriage to her?

Nope I have never been evaluated. I guess I can try and see how it goes. 

I was motivated with the proposal prank videos on youtube. At the time, I really thought her reaction would be the same as those videos; slightly annoyed and a bit upset but then calmer after telling her that I'll do it for real the 2nd time. Then afterwards the girl would say that she'lI get back at him for that prank. I used to think reactions seen on videos and/or movies was closest to how people react in real life. Needlessly to say, nope her reaction was nothing at all like the videos. It was heartbreaking. I was in shock at how much I had hurt her. It was more than what I expected.

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54 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

So you're saying you put more thought and effort into your pranks than you do when you're doing something as your "real self"?

Look, I don't think you're an evil person. It's just puzzling how you know not to pretend to have Covid at work and cough on your coworkers but think it's OK to do that to someone you claim to love.  And how you know to be responsible and reliable at work but don't bother to pay your bills.  Also presumably you don't show up at work late on a regular basis but you do when you have plans with your girlfriend.

It seems like selective cluelessness to me.

Most of my former pranks weren't really my creativity either. It was from watching too much videos or clips in movies about it. If I saw an interesting scene or prank, I would pause it and then watch it again. 

My real self is serious and straight forward. For me it's like there were only two separate places; workplace (I get paid) and everything outside of workplace. In the workplace, I can be obsessed with organization, success and getting promoted again to manager one day. Once I'm not at work anymore, I was the carefree, joyful personality again. 

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14 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

Nope I have never been evaluated. I guess I can try and see how it goes. 

I was motivated with the proposal prank videos on youtube. At the time, I really thought her reaction would be the same as those videos; slightly annoyed and a bit upset but then calmer after telling her that I'll do it for real the 2nd time. Then afterwards the girl would say that she'lI get back at him for that prank. I used to think reactions seen on videos and/or movies was closest to how people react in real life. Needlessly to say, nope her reaction was nothing at all like the videos. It was heartbreaking. I was in shock at how much I had hurt her. It was more than what I expected.

Real life is not a game nor to be toyed with.  Youtube and social media is NOT your life and the people in YOUR life. 

Never second guess nor underestimate people.  They're a lot smarter than you think they are and when you test them sorely,  it will backfire as you can attest.  Live and learn the hard way which is always the best way. 

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11 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

Real life is not a game nor to be toyed with.  Youtube and social media is NOT your life and the people in YOUR life. 

Never second guess nor underestimate people.  They're a lot smarter than you think they are and when you test them sorely,  it will backfire as you can attest.  Live and learn the hard way which is always the best way. 

Yes I'm learning the hard way. I never had a previous relationship nor date before her. She's still my first. I was 22 when I met her. I graduated from HS and my first 4 years of college still being a virgin. 

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14 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

Most of my former pranks weren't really my creativity either. It was from watching too much videos or clips in movies about it. If I saw an interesting scene or prank, I would pause it and then watch it again. 

My real self is serious and straight forward. For me it's like there were only two separate places; workplace (I get paid) and everything outside of workplace. In the workplace, I can be obsessed with organization, success and getting promoted again to manager one day. Once I'm not at work anymore, I was the carefree, joyful personality again. 

Occasional harmless pranks are ok such as minor pranks which don't cause pain and disappointment in your character.  For example, a small fuzzy spider, small fake spills or something rather insignificant.  However, don't over do it and if they don't like it, don't do it.  Best to err on the side of caution.  As you've learned, not everyone enjoys your sense of humor when the joke is on them at their expense.  While it can take someone's breath away for a second, it's over.  Then on the contrary,  lingering poor taste pranks lead to a lifetime of distrust which is another story altogether.  There is a big difference between the two.

You are serious at work because your survival depends upon it.  If you don't do your job well, you don't eat.  Well, treat your personal life the same way.  It's just as precious and priceless.  Granted, you can still have a joyful, carefree personality within reason.  Exercise discretion always. 

We have roles to play.  Work role, being good at it, professional, cordial, courteous and successful.  Then there is your private life with fiduciary responsibilities and being a consistently very moral person.  Then combine the two and have overall integrity.  You are learning nowadays which is commendable. 

 

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5 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

And was your intention to post it online?

If her reaction was like in the videos, I was going to show it to my friends first but base on my friends' negative reaction over the prank, I would have to delete it too. 

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28 minutes ago, Cherylyn said:

You are serious at work because your survival depends upon it.  If you don't do your job well, you don't eat.  Well, treat your personal life the same way.  It's just as precious and priceless.  Granted, you can still have a joyful, carefree personality within reason.  Exercise discretion always. 

I like that, esp the bolded part. Thank you. 

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36 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

Most of my former pranks weren't really my creativity either. It was from watching too much videos or clips in movies about it. If I saw an interesting scene or prank, I would pause it and then watch it again. 

My real self is serious and straight forward. For me it's like there were only two separate places; workplace (I get paid) and everything outside of workplace. In the workplace, I can be obsessed with organization, success and getting promoted again to manager one day. Once I'm not at work anymore, I was the carefree, joyful personality again. 

If you tell yourself the lie that it’s because of YouTube - even if you watched it 1000 times - you’re pranking yourself and nothing will change.
With a professional I’d also get to the root of why as an adult you are so incredibly needy for attention that negative attention works too and to the lengths you took it and the incredible emotional pain you put another human through. This is your real self.  Part of it. 

Sure it’s fine to try something you saw on YouTube. Thats how I gave my son and husband pandemic lockdown haircuts. But not if it can hurt another person or animal.  You know that as part of your real self and you chose a part of your real self that was so desperate for attention you rehearsed a way to deceive your girlfriend in an incredibly humiliating way. 

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33 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

With a professional I’d also get to the root of why as an adult you are so incredibly needy for attention that negative attention works too and to the lengths you took it and the incredible emotional pain you put another human through. This is your real self.  Part of it. 

I never went to any professional before. Thought there was a time my mother wanted to get me evaluated many years ago (I was then 8 years old) but my father talked her out of it and thought that was nonsense, that they're lying chatterboxes just there to collect money. She used to be worried due to her their age when they had me. They were trying to conceive for many years, went on treatments but to no success. They gave up on some point and suddenly they had me. I was their miracle baby. When they finally had me, my mother was 42 and my father 46.

On Monday I'll search for providers near my area and see if I can set up an appointment landing on the weekend. That would be my first time ever going to a professional. I'm guessing they ask you a lot about your past. 

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34 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

If her reaction was like in the videos, I was going to show it to my friends first but base on my friends' negative reaction over the prank, I would have to delete it too. 

What makes you believe life outside of work is the Jackazz franchise? 

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1 hour ago, Jakeissorry said:

I was motivated with the proposal prank videos on youtube. At the time, I really thought her reaction would be the same as those videos;

But these are fake. The videos are fake in that they usually clue the partner on it before filming. No partner in their right mind would prank-propose to someone like that... No one. It's cruel.

I'm happy you're seeking help.

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5 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

What makes you believe life outside of work is the Jackazz franchise? 

I think I had a wrong perception of reality and people's reaction outside of work. At the same time, I was looking for attention when doing it. I would see some of those videos reached lots of subscribers and thought to myself ''wow, you can get people and get fame by just making videos''. 

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7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

But these are fake. The videos are fake in that they usually clue the partner on it before filming. No partner in their right mind would prank-propose to someone like that... No one. It's cruel.

I'm happy you're seeking help.

yeah I learned that the hard way. I had to see for myself that's not real.

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7 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

I would see some of those videos reached lots of subscribers and thought to myself ''wow, you can get people and get fame by just making videos''. 

That sentiment is as arrogant and egotistical as your sadistic pranks, not paying bills and expecting parents to baby you..

You're not rich and famous. You're just someone who likes to hurt people like a 2 year old who pulls puppies tails because they lack empathy/don't know better. 

But you're a 26 year old man who knows how to function at work so it's not an affliction. Sorry to say but you have a long road ahead of you before you become a decent human being..

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I was 42 and my husband 42 when we had our son. He’s 13.  I’m sorry your father had such a generalized negative view of all professional mental health providers. If you go the best attitude is open mind.

Yes from my experience with health care providers in general they will take a full medical and mental health history. Yes they likely will ask about your past. How much after that depends on the therapeutic approach taken by the health care provider. 

How would you like if you had a child who decided to pretend he was kidnapped as a prank because he watched a lot of YouTube videos ?  Or your friend pretended your pet was kidnapped or your car was stolen ? There’s a disconnect here that defies basic common sense let alone ethics and morals  

(


 

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4 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

Once I'm not at work anymore, I was the carefree, joyful personality again. 

You consider fake proposals and pretending to have Covid to be "carefree and joyful"?

Did the reactions you got from your girlfriend and others indicate they found your antics "joyful"?

You obviously know better.  Otherwise you'd be pulling pranks at work, but you know you can't get away with it there.  You seem to pull pranks on people who you think you will get a free pass from.  But as you saw, you lost the one person who you claim to love and who probably loved you until you decided potential YouTube fame or getting a good laugh was more important.

Do you really know what you did wrong?  Or are you pretending to have learned a lesson just so your girlfriend will come back to you?

Words mean nothing without action.

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6 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

I would like to share this because I think it's important:

I know the answer to her question about why my proposal prank from 2 years ago was creative and sophisticated and had an over the top romantic scene and a good presentation vs my lame real proposal. She questioned why I couldn't do the same with the real proposal. I know the answer.

The fake proposal, I was copied it from other videos. All the wording, presentation and scene was from those other videos. I memorized a whole script and practiced it front of a mirror many times until I got it right. I only said this in my real proposal: ''It's been 4 great years. Will you marry me my love''. That was my real self and what I feel without following a script. 

I’m not sure why anyone would want to copy someone else or need a reaction based on something fake but I suppose that’s the whole premise and intention behind a prank. Maybe you’re seeing now it’s not worth the hassle. 

Whether she continues to date you is up to her choice. She may see other things in you that are worth sticking around for if you start to take her and life a bit more seriously. You don’t have to consider yourself a demon or horrible person but learn to cap or tone down your pranks and mischievous side. Don’t let it be at someone else’s expense. If you have a talent for coordination and want to surprise people with your time and gifts let it be sincere and real. It won’t be for nothing or for empty and fleeting trends, least of all online. 

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