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My gf (now ex gf) didn't believe my proposal was real and broke up


Jakeissorry
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Saviosantos Relationship Status: R...
Saviosantos Relationship Status: Reason she broke up with me made me do this

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The fake proposal "prank" was bad, but that's been covered thoroughly by the other posters, so I won't dwell on that. I suppose/hope that you've learned your lesson that some things should not be joked about, and that you've become more mature about that.

Taking into account that you two stayed together for two more years after that, and assuming that you are serious this time, I'd go to her house and do something really special AND apologize sincerely for the previous bad prank. Show her that your bad pranking days are over. 

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Jake,

No need for me to rake you over the coals since everyone else already said what I would've said. 

I wouldn't go to her house.  If I were you,  I'd write a very humble apologetic postal letter expressing your sincere remorse.  Implore her forgiveness.  Explain that you're a changed man and you want to be honorable from now on.  Tell her that you've learned very painful lessons.  Tell her that you're very sorry for hurting her recently and in the past.  Tell her that you know you were a fool to prank and you've learned never to do it again.   No more jokes.   Tell her that you were wrong.  (Lower yourself by expressing utmost humility.)   Tell her how much you truly love her and want to make her happy for the rest of your life.  (For you:  Behave selflessly.)  Tell her that you want her forever and that you want to a future with her by building a life together.  Request seeing her again in person.  Then wait.

If she grants you a meeting, then speak from your heart ❤️ and really mean it.  Be extremely humble.  If she is willing to build trust in you, realize that it will take a very long time to know that you are honestly making the real effort to become a better man.  Behave yourself for the rest of your life.  Be honorable and very moral.  Always do the right thing. 

Regarding the proposal, since your proposal failed not once but twice, this time when both of you are ready, make it less formal so it won't be misconstrued.  Discuss it during a calm, relaxed and content moment.  Propose then with perhaps a special home cooked meal.  Then have a very nice celebration afterwards on another day such as her favorite restaurant, for example, a special outing or a lovely picnic.  On another day, perhaps put fresh flowers on the table or candles. 

She may come around and give you another chance.  However,  be prepared for either scenario.  She will either forgive you (which doesn't mean forget) or prefer to play it safe by not taking risks with you anymore. 

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Go to her house when she is there and when she opens the door get down on one knee with the ring in your hand and ask her again to marry you.

  If she slams the door then wait a few days and send her flowers with a note telling how much you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her and let her know you are not giving up and will wait as long as it takes for her to say yes.

  I hope it is a big ring, if not sell whatever you have to so you can afford something special she will love.

 Lost

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I disagree.

If I told someone "no" and broke up with them and blocked them and they continued to pester me I would seriously consider contacting the police.

I broke up with someone and he continued to contact me. I told him to stop. He persisted. I finally had to tell him strongly to leave me alone and then I blocked him. He tried contacting me AGAIN and I notified my cousin who's a deputy sheriff. None of what he did made me fall back in love with him or even want to see him again. In fact, it made my feelings of revulsion toward him worse.

I recommend sending her a nicely worded message or letter asking politely for a chance to see and talk to her. If she says no or doesn't respond, LET IT GO. Don't become an annoying pest or worse, a stalker. Those kind of over the top "romantic" gestures or announcing you won't take no for an answer only works in Hollywood movies.

PS: I wouldn't have cared what he bought me or how much whatever it was cost. The answer remains NO.

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So that was a couple years ago?

If she was that upset- why would she have stuck around this much longer.. get an actual 'true' proposal then just walk away?

Not even sure how long you two have been together- you never explained further...

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32 minutes ago, waffle said:

 

sayanything-hed.jpg

But in that movie the young woman loved him but allowed herself to be talked into ending the relationship. He didn't "prank" her with a fake proposal and then propose "for real this time" get told "no", get broken up with and then get blocked.

These gosh darned Hollywood movies that promote the idea that "love conquers all!" and that a big romantic gesture will solve everything. More likely an unwanted gesture would result in a restraining order!

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3 hours ago, lostandhurt said:

Go to her house when she is there and when she opens the door get down on one knee with the ring in your hand and ask her again to marry you.

If she slams the door then wait a few days and send her flowers with a note telling how much you love her and want to spend the rest of your life with her and let her know you are not giving up and will wait as long as it takes for her to say yes.

  I hope it is a big ring, if not sell whatever you have to so you can afford something special she will love

 Lost

This is absolutely horrifying advice.

My hands are literally shaking as I type this, I'm so horrified.

You are literally advising this guy to STALK AND HARASS HIS GIRLFRIEND, and, more importantly, NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

Guess how that plays out? RESTRAINING ORDER AND A CRIMINAL RECORD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

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2 minutes ago, Wonderstruck said:

This is absolutely horrifying advice.

My hands are literally shaking as I type this, I'm so horrified.

You are literally advising this guy to STALK AND HARASS HIS GIRLFRIEND, and, more importantly, NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

Guess how that plays out? RESTRAINING ORDER AND A CRIMINAL RECORD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

Ex girlfriend. She broke up with him.

Please, OP, do not do this. 

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A slightly different take here: 

Yes, the prank was a serious misfire, as discussed. But it was also two years ago, and I'm assuming it hasn't been coming up left and right this whole time. If that's the case, I'm a bit thrown by her reaction. The instant break up, the instant blocking and unfriending—that is extreme and dramatic stuff. I can't help but wonder if she was looking for a way out of the relationship and found it in this moment. 

Anyhow, if you're intent on seeing if this can be salvaged, which I completely understand, I would write a short note letting her know that you remain deeply sorry about what happened 2 years ago but that the person you are today is no longer that person. Tell her you meant everything you said, that you would like to better understand everything she's feeling, and ask if she'd be willing to talk about it all. 

If she doesn't respond, or says she's not interested in talking—then, sadly, it's time to let this go and accept that you two are not meant to be. 

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You haven't said anything about the quality or seriousness of your 2 year relationship.

If you've had discussions about a future together, do you have the career and stability and lack of debt to back that up?

I doubt it's about the old prank if she's stayed with you for 2 years after that.

If you could win a million dollars to guess why she's really so upset with you, how much of that money could you win?

Something is missing, and I would not suggest you show up at her home to harass her.

You have her address, send her a letter. 

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I just want to update how this has been going so far. She was talking to our mutual friend and her sister. I told them about the issue and took pictures of the ring and receipt. I told them to rely the message that I love her very much and sorry for hurting her in the past, that it would mean a lot if we can talk even if it's for a bit. 

I was going to go to her house but after reading some of your replies, you're right. I don't want to sound like a stalker nor get her further upset. I know this would work in Hollywood movies but the last thing I want is scaring her. I want to make her happy and feel secure with me. 

She had to see the ring and receipt in order for her to know it's real. She's coming over tomorrow but has a lot to say. I'm prepared for whatever her reply is.

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1 minute ago, Jakeissorry said:

She's coming over tomorrow but has a lot to say. I'm prepared for whatever her reply is.

Ok. Be sure to really listen and don't be so overeager to tell your side that you interrupt or talk over her. Really listen.

Then ask for your turn to speak. And don't minimize, don't make excuses and don't accuse her of overreacting or of taking it the wrong way. Simply state how you feel about her and why you want to marry her. Then allow her to respond.

Good luck.

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1 hour ago, Wonderstruck said:

This is absolutely horrifying advice.

My hands are literally shaking as I type this, I'm so horrified.

You are literally advising this guy to STALK AND HARASS HIS GIRLFRIEND, and, more importantly, NOT TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

Guess how that plays out? RESTRAINING ORDER AND A CRIMINAL RECORD FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.

Trigger much?

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On 9/12/2022 at 8:46 AM, Jakeissorry said:

First of all I want to say that I regret living my life as a prankster in the past. I used to play pranks on everyone (including my family members) and on her too. Well 2 years ago, out of the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

She really got hurt, we almost broke up and that was the end of my pranking days. I haven't played another prank ever since. I told her that the 2nd time will be for real and have been trying to make it up to her since. Well yesterday it was for real but she didn't believe me. She got upset, said it's over for pranking about it again and didn't let me explain it was real. She got in her car and drove away. I couldn't catch up to her. I can't even call her. She unfriended and blocked me. The only way for me to talk to her is to go to her house.

I'm really sorry for what I did before in the past. Will I win her back? I can show her it's for real this time. Any suggestions? 

Take her to Tiffany's, and let her pick out a ring, then ask her right there and then.

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Just now, boltnrun said:

I'm not sure the size or cost of the ring is the issue. If it was, she sure would be a shallow individual.

Not a size thing...just a real diamond thing.  Prob cuz I'm an OAF members, and if you want a good diamond, you go to Tiffany's.  Sometimes you gotta pony up when you embaressed the sh*t out of your bride to be.  She may have moved on, but deep down got triggered, and the real proposal with zero bells and whistles and no thought wasn't enough.

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I accepted my husband's proposal with a teeny tiny diamond ring. The diamond was practically a chip. That was because I loved him, not what he could buy me.

If an expensive ring sways this woman she isn't in it for love but rather material things. And that's a terrible basis for a marriage.

The ring is not the marriage, it's just a symbol society (and jewelry manufacturers) has decreed. Totally unnecessary.

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16 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

I just want to update how this has been going so far. She was talking to our mutual friend and her sister. I told them about the issue and took pictures of the ring and receipt. I told them to rely the message that I love her very much and sorry for hurting her in the past, that it would mean a lot if we can talk even if it's for a bit. 

I was going to go to her house but after reading some of your replies, you're right. I don't want to sound like a stalker nor get her further upset. I know this would work in Hollywood movies but the last thing I want is scaring her. I want to make her happy and feel secure with me. 

She had to see the ring and receipt in order for her to know it's real. She's coming over tomorrow but has a lot to say. I'm prepared for whatever her reply is.

It was a good idea for you to take pictures of the ring and receipt as evidence of your sincere, honorable intentions.  Your conveying your loving message and apology to her via the mutual friend was a very good idea. 

I agree, going to her house could be perceived as stalking and do you want the police intimidating you?  You could actually get yourself into legal trouble for harassing and stalking.  It would not be a good scenario for you.  I agree, she will be scared of you if you were to show up on her doorstep unannounced.  No one likes that.

It's good for you to show her the ring and receipt.  Just be very prepared.  Don't get your hopes up.  However,  I hope it works in your favor.  You can still try to salvage whatever was lost in her by being very humble and contrite.  Tell her you're very sorry for how you've acted regarding past pranks and setting a precedence for her distrust in you.  Tell her that it was wrong and ask for her forgiveness.  (Forgive does not mean forget.  Forgive means to move on, move forward.)  Promise her you'll never prank again and you will stop with your goofy jokes which is very disrespectful and hurtful to her.  Tell her that you realize that there's nothing humorous about hurting her and others.  Swallow your pride, cast your ego aside and be a changed man for the better.  Be humble and from now on prove to her that you are a good person who is true and good to your word.  Actions speak louder than words so be on your best behavior always.   

I'm sorry about your painful lesson.  I truly hope she will forgive and marry you.

There are two types of people in this world.  Some people learn how to behave honorably after harsh reactions.  Then there are other people who will forever be in complete denial and will forever lack empathy.  If people are the latter, I cut them off permanently because I no longer desire to be with them anymore.  Something inside me got up and left.  Some people sorely disappoint me and my soul died.  You are the former so I commend you for possessing newfound "emotional intelligence"  (empathy).  Good luck to you, Jake.

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1 hour ago, MissCanuck said:

Focus on listening to her misgivings, and understanding if there's a way forward. 

Agreed.

Before you talk to her, create a personal rule: that she speaks three times more than you for the first hour. When you speak, it's to ask questions.

Whatever is going on here, I honestly don't think it has all that much to do with a prank from 2 years ago.  

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I agree with bluecastle.  Allow her to speak thoroughly and do so without interrupting.  When it's your turn, remember to be very humble, contrite and sincere.  Be honorable, have integrity and treat her with utmost dignity.  It's all about love and respect.  Hope it all works out for you, Jake.  Hope both of you will be very happily engaged and married.  Nonetheless, be prepared for any scenario. 

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1 hour ago, gamon said:

My money is on her saying that she was considering bailing anyway due to unrelated issues and the miscommunication was just the straw. 

I agree.  Many times, people are looking for a convenient out.  I know I have.  For example, when a person accused me of lying not once but twice, this was my chance to take advantage of having the upper hand in the relationship.  It's as if the perpetrator handed me a gift on a silver platter.  I took it and ran away with it. 

If the relationship was barely hanging by the threads as it was, it makes it that much easier when the perpetrator made a terrible blunder.  They just dug a deeper hole for themselves and suddenly they gave me the advantage in an already fragile, floundering relationship. 

I no longer need to defend myself.  The other person automatically lost face and became very humiliated. 

There aren't many choices.  Either apologize sincerely to make honorable amends and pray that the person will take you back or be prideful and ignorant and pretend that no egregious act occurred in the first place.  If it's the latter, the relationship is doomed for instant failure. 

As for OP, Jake, I hope it works out for you but don't be shocked nor surprised if she prefers to move on  without you. 

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