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My gf (now ex gf) didn't believe my proposal was real and broke up


Jakeissorry
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First of all I want to say that I regret living my life as a prankster in the past. I used to play pranks on everyone (including my family members) and on her too. Well 2 years ago, out of the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

She really got hurt, we almost broke up and that was the end of my pranking days. I haven't played another prank ever since. I told her that the 2nd time will be for real and have been trying to make it up to her since. Well yesterday it was for real but she didn't believe me. She got upset, said it's over for pranking about it again and didn't let me explain it was real. She got in her car and drove away. I couldn't catch up to her. I can't even call her. She unfriended and blocked me. The only way for me to talk to her is to go to her house.

I'm really sorry for what I did before in the past. Will I win her back? I can show her it's for real this time. Any suggestions? 

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15 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

Well 2 years ago, out of the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

What the hell...

Yes. Yes you are horrible. You can't mess with people's feelings like that. She is probably still upset about it. I would not be able to move past it personally.

Give her some space. She might or might not come back. I wouldn't blame her if she doesn't though.

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Xexe same as "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" story. The sheppard guarded sheeps but wanted to pull a prank on older sheppards and started yelling "Wolf!". When other sheppards came, no wolf there. He did that a few times. But when a real wolf came, and he yelled "wolf", nobody believed him. And wolf ate the sheeps. 

Go to her house and try there. She forgave you the first time(dunno why, that was indeed horrible) so maybe she calms down and realizes that its for real now.

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Yea. You can go to her house and tell her it's for real. Idk if that will change anything though.

Just to know, did you put any effort in this proposal? Did you take her somewhere nice/ decorate the apartment? Or, was it too casual and she thought "here we go again" ?

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32 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

 the many pranks I've played on her was a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

She really got hurt, we almost broke up and that was the end of my pranking days. I haven't played another prank ever since.  She unfriended and blocked me.

Sorry this happened but as you found out, you're the only one who thinks your pranks are funny. Everyone else thinks it's mean and bullying at their expense. She did the right thing  blocking you. Proposals, especially since it involves her feelings are not a "joke" . I'm sure you didn't even have a real ring so she knew you were playing more silly games. Do Not go to her house. That's another rude selfish stunt. She knows your contact info should she see fit to contact you.

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A couple weeks after we had a brief conversation about wanting kids, I decided to surprise her with my real proposal. I did that while we were walking in the park. 

I didn't think she would react badly and thought she would remember the promise I kept, which was that I would never prank like that again and next time it would be for real. Ironically is I put more effort into the prank proposal from 2 years ago and decorated the floor a bit vs this time when it's real. It was a normal day. 

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When you proposed the second time didn’t you address the stupidity and regret of the first? The surprise element or suddenness of the second proposal might have seemed goofy to her. 

She got in her car and drove away which isn’t something a person does if they feel deeply for you. It may be best honestly that this ended this way. She clearly doesn’t trust you. Looking at this from another perspective, I don’t know why you’re trying so hard with someone who no longer trusts you or wants to be where you are. 

It’s not endearing to follow someone when they don’t want to be around you. It’s creepy and aggressive. All you can do is apologize and tell her how you feel if she approaches you again. Do not keep contacting her. 

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19 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

 I need to see her.

How old is she? You don't seem trustworthy or mature enough to be in a marriage. The stunt you pulled sounds like something a 13 y/o would do.

A scorpion wants to cross a river but cannot swim, so it asks a frog to carry it across. The frog hesitates, afraid that the scorpion might sting it, but the scorpion promises not to, pointing out that it would drown if it killed the frog in the middle of the river. The frog considers this argument sensible and agrees to transport the scorpion. Midway across the river, the scorpion stings the frog anyway, dooming them both. The dying frog asks the scorpion why it stung despite knowing the consequence, to which the scorpion replies: "I am sorry, but I couldn't resist the urge. It's in my nature."

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32 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

Ironically is I put more effort into the prank proposal from 2 years ago and decorated the floor a bit vs this time when it's real. It was a normal day. 

Waw. No wonder she reacted this way.

Give her space and leave her alone. The fact she blocked you shows that she doesn't want you in her life anymore, and it's becoming more obvious why.

If you really love her so much, you wouldn't be asking us if you can go to her place. You would have ran after her already and begged her back.

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I do think what you did the first time was horrible and I don't understand why she didn't break up with you.  Especially, if she didn't see a future with you. 

Maybe she had a bad reaction. bc you triggered her. So in that vein, I think it is understandable that she freaked.

On the other hand,  she doesn't want to marry you. Have you guys talked about the future and what you guys want? 

If you really want to marry and be with this woman, you gotta start thinking about her needs and not just your needs and wants. 

A prankster gets joy from jerking other people around. It makes them feel superior and it's really not thinking about the other person. it's abut the prankster not the victim. 

So when you planned to get the ring and all that, did you think about her perspective? Did you ever ask her what kind of proposal or ring she likes? Has your relationship been getting stronger? Are you close? 

I think this situation highlights what you don't know about her and even your relationship. 

maybe surprises should be of the table for you until you can show that you've grown in maturity and ability to show your compassion and understanding of others (her especially) 

Communication is needed but she clearly does not want to communicate. in your shoes, you might have to wait for her to come to you or to at least give a signal that she wants to hear from you. 

but honestly, this is so ridiculous. You did screw up. She did forgive. two years past but nothing really changed. did it? You two are clearly not ready to be married. 

 

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@LambertI'm also thinking he didn't make it up to her/put in effort in the second proposal. He legit just did it in the park. Considering the prank last time, I thought he'd pull off something really sweet/thoughtful for her the second time around. The basic proposal would have upset me too and I would have driven to the sunset alone.

But you're right in that it sounds like nothing changed much.

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7 minutes ago, DarkCh0c0 said:

@LambertI'm also thinking he didn't make it up to her/put in effort in the second proposal. He legit just did it in the park. Considering the prank last time, I thought he'd pull off something really sweet/thoughtful for her the second time around. The basic proposal would have upset me too and I would have driven to the sunset alone.

But you're right in that it sounds like nothing changed much.

You're right.  I didn't think about how she may have just been offended by the casual nature of it all. Like the straw that finly broke the camel's back. 

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Just now, Lambert said:

You're right.  I didn't think about how she may have just been offended by the casual nature of it all. Like the straw that finly broke the camel's back. 

I really thought she had forgiven me for the proposal prank from 2 years ago and that she would believe me. I didn't realize this (doing it on a natural environment; different than the prank type) would trigger her that badly. I was mistaken. 

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3 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

I really thought she had forgiven me for the proposal prank from 2 years ago and that she would believe me. I didn't realize this (doing it on a natural environment; different than the prank type) would trigger her that badly. I was mistaken. 

YOU really thought so, but not her.

Considering you prank-proposed to her last time, you should have treated the real proposal sensibly and went out of your way to make her feel treasured and appreciated. Instead, you did less efforts that the first time around.

Let that sink in.

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10 minutes ago, Jakeissorry said:

I really thought she had forgiven me for the proposal prank from 2 years ago and that she would believe me. I didn't realize this (doing it on a natural environment; different than the prank type) would trigger her that badly. I was mistaken. 

She doesn’t seem amused and doesn’t care about what or how you think, joke, try to be funny. You’re both not compatible. Let go of this and learn from it. That’s all you can do. Do not stalk her or follow her home.

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This was unfortunate, but despite your pranks you two still stayed together.

I think it's possible this is still salvageable, but you'll have to step it up, doing some damage control and make it up to her in a way that makes her very valued.  Give her a moment to process her feelings and try again.  But do it in a way that there is no denying that mean what you say.

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Why on earth would you think she'd find a fake proposal funny?

I'm baffled why she chose to stay with you after that, but apparently she did. However, a casual proposal during a walk in the park doesn't seem like much of an effort.

I do not recommend you go to her house. Unless you want her to shout at you to go away or have a door slammed in your face. Let her cool down, then send a sincere apology and ask to talk. If she says no, let it go.

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So  - sometimes a proposal is a surprise and sometimes the couple discusses beforehand, goes out to look at rings -maybe even picks the actual ring (or use a family ring) and then the actual proposal day is a "surprise" but the couple has discussed it and planned for it.  And even before that the couple is discussing marriage plans -not the party -I mean talking about what they want in a marriage, where they might want to live and how if that is a consideration, plans for kids or not, etc.

That's what I would have done in this situation.  What you did to her was terrible -not just a fun prank - horribly mean spirited.  So I would never have done a complete surprise for the real proposal.  I don't blame her for thinking you were lying to her again.  And I think she doesn't want to marry you anymore otherwise so it was a good way for her to say goodbye.

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4 hours ago, Jakeissorry said:

a surprise marriage proposal prank with a fake, cheap ring. I know you'll probably going to say I'm the one of the most horrible person ever. 

What the hell were you thinking? Genuinely - why did you think this would be funny? 

That is plain cruel, and tells me you like messing with other people's feelings, and are utterly lacking in empathy and maturity. 

My guess is that she has finally had enough of it and she's done. She doesn't take you seriously anymore and just wants to move on. 

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