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A kind of personal growth / advice topic on dating


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1 hour ago, Guyonajourney said:

I wouldnt say she was a narcissist at all, shes very humble, doesnt brag or show off even though shes very high up in her career for her age and earns alot. She just go hurt badly, she told me at the very start that she had "just gotten over the PTSD" from previous relationships but something tells me she hasnt and thats why she cut me off so quickly.

Could be that or a thousand other reasons including she was not that into you.  Unfortunately we don't always get to know "why" but I always assumed "not that into me".

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On 9/12/2022 at 10:23 AM, Guyonajourney said:

Extremely independent, hasn't dated or even given her number out in over a year. "I don't need no man" type.

You initially said you would try again with her in about 2 months. Why do you think she would change from what's stated in the above quote in 60 days?

Since you alluded to a pattern of heartbreak, and I don't know the reason for the past breakups, but it's likely that you're not clear on what you really want and don't want, and perhaps have ignored red flags.

I would suggest making yourself a must-have list and a dealbreaker list for relationships. And then stick to it. People who give second chances for things like cheating and other dealbreakers are not being wise in dating.

You cannot have closure when you occasionally hear from this lady, by accident or not. It will set you back to square one in healing every time she climbs out from your past and presents herself into your present.

It's not about her anymore, and what she will think when you block her. This is about doing what's best for yourself.

Sure, it's good to want to improve your behavior, but some other lady will benefit from that. The majority of the time, people who are right for each other, never break up--not even once.

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I read somewhere once that relationships of short durations are often harder to get over.  You are still on that honeymoon high, projecting all sorts of wonderful things onto them.  When you look at it this way, it's a long way to fall.

Add in a recent breakup on your part.  Though you wouldn't admit it to yourself, you were busy convincing yourself she was the one when you really hadn't gotten to know her.  It touched that vulnerable part of you and started to fill a void.  The fact that she was unavailable was probably super safe and attractive as well.

So, be careful applying the belief that she's maybe the one that got away.  She was the one that shown a light on some things you might need to work on.

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