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Close friend involved with mentally unstable woman who is also under State's care.


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Since they're both legally adults, there's nothing anyone can do.  My close friend has always had a Savior's Complex.  This woman that he has recently gotten involved within the past year has accused several men of a serious crime they didn't commit.  Our mutual friends are afraid the same will happen to him and some have warned him.  He claims to be just friends with her but at the same time treats her like a girlfriend including staying overnight at her place.  The woman has 6 different mental disorders....  And because of their age difference, with him being easily old enough to be her father, it almost feels like he's preying on her vulnerabilities. She's still very young, just entered adulthood few years ago. It just seems like a disaster in the making.  

 

My close friend has a no criminal history, his own home, and full-time job.  It breaks my heart to watch him risk it all over a woman who can't be helped.  There's a reason she's has a Guardian who watches after her.  She's mentally ill. 

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1 hour ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

This woman that he has recently gotten involved within the past year has accused several men of a serious crime they didn't commit.  Our mutual friends are afraid the same will happen to him and some have warned him.  He claims to be just friends with her but at the same time treats her like a girlfriend including staying overnight at her place.  

So she has had a few men and accused them of crimes?

Does he know of this?

Honestly, if he refuses to realize the risk he's in and continues to interact with this unstable woman, nothing else you can do, but let him experience this with her. 😕  ( We live, we learn - sometimes).

Sadly, some people can behave in 'desperate' ways- in which case they'll take whatever they can get.. sad, really. ( Also, if she is conniving, she knows how to pull them in) 😕 

 

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1 hour ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

It breaks my heart to watch him risk it all over a woman who can't be helped.

But he is also part of the problem, and if he's aware of all of this, I question his motives as well (as it seems you do, too) 

1 hour ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

him being easily old enough to be her father, it almost feels like he's preying on her vulnerabilities.

Are you sure your friend has sincere intentions here? I would perhaps withold much sympathy for a man who is old enough know better and is still choosing this. 

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3 hours ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

 it almost feels like he's preying on her vulnerabilities. 

 It breaks my heart to watch him risk it all over a woman who can't be helped.  

Why does this "break your heart"? Do you have a thing for him? 

What exactly is he "risking"? Unfortunately if she is an adult and legally competent, he's no "savior", just a sleazeball who wants easy targets.

He  seems like a creep. Why do you have friends like this?

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7 hours ago, SooSad33 said:

So she has had a few men and accused them of crimes?

Does he know of this?

Honestly, if he refuses to realize the risk he's in and continues to interact with this unstable woman, nothing else you can do, but let him experience this with her. 😕  ( We live, we learn - sometimes).

Sadly, some people can behave in 'desperate' ways- in which case they'll take whatever they can get.. sad, really. ( Also, if she is conniving, she knows how to pull them in) 😕 

 

Yes.  He is aware of her accusing men of crimes they didn't commit. Our mutual friends have warned him about her.  He chooses to turn a blind eye to her past actions.  

Word can spread around like wildfire.  None of our mutual friends including me trust her.  She's a sweet talker under wolf's clothing. 

 

 

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2 minutes ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

None of our mutual friends including me trust her.  She's a sweet talker under wolf's clothing.

Actually your friend seems like the wolf here. You and your friends can gang up on her, but he's the one taking advantage of a young, mentally disabled woman.

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7 hours ago, MissCanuck said:

But he is also part of the problem, and if he's aware of all of this, I question his motives as well (as it seems you do, too) 

Are you sure your friend has sincere intentions here? I would perhaps withold much sympathy for a man who is old enough know better and is still choosing this. 

Thread wouldn't let me multi-quote 3 posts.  But anyways, I think he's poking the bear that should be left alone. He refuses to see the possible consequences of getting involved with a woman young enough to be his daughter.

When I was in my 20's I thought men old enough to be my father were creepy who tried  flirt with me.  

He knows better claiming to be a strong Christian man of Faith.  We live in one of the largest metro areas so there's no shortage of fish in the sea.... Only God knows why he chooses being with her

5 hours ago, Wiseman2 said:

Why does this "break your heart"? Do you have a thing for him? 

What exactly is he "risking"? Unfortunately if she is an adult and legally competent, he's no "savior", just a sleazeball who wants easy targets.

He  seems like a creep. Why do you have friends like this?

I've known this man for many years and used to think of him as close friend.  Not anymore.  His personality changed since COVID started.   I think with him getting COVID twice did something to his brain. IDK.... 

Now, I just seem him as an acquaintance.  

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13 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

Actually your friend seems like the wolf here. You and your friends can gang up on her, but he's the one taking advantage of a young, mentally disabled woman.

 There's a difference between mentally ill and mentally disabled....  She did graduate high school.  Idk her G.P.A.  Adults under the care of the State can still date under willful consent. The laws might vary State to State.  They still have certain rights.  

3 minutes ago, MissCanuck said:

He frankly sounds like an opportunist taking advantage of a mentally unstable young woman. 

He knows what he's doing here. I would distance myself from him, and he's not coming across as a decent person here either. 

He's just playing with fire IMHO.  

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Well as you said, this woman is in her 20's and she's not intellectually disabled, she has mental illness. People with mental illness can still know and understand what they're doing.

If she has a legal guardian appointed to her then that person does have some power over her, like for example managing her money I'm guessing? Or signing any forms on her behalf. Like for example if she was to marry your friend then maybe the legal guardian would have to sign the paperwork? I'm assuming this legal guardian either doesn't know about their relationship or actually doesn't have a problem with it, because they're not stopping her.

I agree it's not great your friend is dating a woman young enough to be his daughter and also psychologically unwell. Maybe this young woman doesn't have many opportunities to date and she's desperate to be with anybody. Or maybe she actually likes him and they have some kind of connection.

I did actually know a woman who had no disabilities or mental illness and she was with a man 28 years older than her and had kids with him. It is unusual and especially these days but sometimes people just click and they don't care about the age difference.

I don't think you can stop your friend from being with this woman. I guess the question is do you think he's a good person overall? If you think this makes him a bad person, you could distance yourself from the friendship. I guess it depends on how much his life choices bother you.

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1 hour ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

Thread wouldn't let me multi-quote 3 posts.  But anyways, I think he's poking the bear that should be left alone. He refuses to see the possible consequences of getting involved with a woman young enough to be his daughter.

When I was in my 20's I thought men old enough to be my father were creepy who tried  flirt with me.  

He knows better claiming to be a strong Christian man of Faith.  We live in one of the largest metro areas so there's no shortage of fish in the sea.... Only God knows why he chooses being with her

I've known this man for many years and used to think of him as close friend.  Not anymore.  His personality changed since COVID started.   I think with him getting COVID twice did something to his brain. IDK.... 

Now, I just seem him as an acquaintance.  

Well that's OK that now you see him as an acquaintance. You don't have to be friends with him but you can't actually control him. All you can do is distance from the friendship if his relationship makes you feel uncomfortable.

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1 hour ago, TwoPeasinaPod said:

Adults under the care of the State can still date under willful consent. The laws might vary State to State.

Why are you so overinvolved with this then? No one stated she can't consent. However you and your friends gossiping about how evil she is, is helping anyone how?

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Since they're both legally adults, there's nothing anyone can do.  <====== Repeat this phrase in your brain. 

Once upon a time, I too was always in hero mode.  I helped my cousin in her wretched marriage and life,  also helped a neighbor friend when she was married to an alcoholic and became my mother's therapist with all of her very painful baggage.  I eventually burned out.

My best friends and I are angst sounding boards for each other but we have common sense limits and don't over do it. 

As for your friend and the woman he's involved with, they're grown consenting adults.  You can pray for your friend but it's all you can do.  It's out of your realm because it's none of your business.  Even though you care, it's ultimately your friend's choice to do as he will.  He is responsible for his own life and its harsh consequences.  Your friend had been forewarned.  Whether he heeds those warnings or not is his prerogative.  Even though you do not want to observe the manipulative woman ruining your friend's life, again, whatever unfolds is between two people and not three people which means you with all due respect.  Stay out of it and live your own life.  Know your boundaries. 

Like you,  I cared for others back in the day much to the detriment of my mental and physical health.  Don't allow other people's lives to consume you.  Focus and concentrate on your own life.  Don't interfere nor intervene.   Don't meddle and stay in your lane.  It's best for everyone despite whatever fate comes to your friend's way.  It's his own undoing and you've got nothing to do with it. 

 

 

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