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How do I reconcile with family


Taka2
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My family fell apart when I was a young adult. My peers had no interest in me so I had to get by myself. I am curious and would like to meet some of my other family, but don't know how to contact them. Even if I knew how, what about all the crazy things that happened in my existing family? I want answers why it had to be so bad. It's been so embarrassing doing everything alone too. I've had no chance out here. It feels like I'd just get treated the same as before, like an undesirable. Should I just accept I've lost my family for no reason? Why does it have to be this way between us? 

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3 minutes ago, Wiseman2 said:

How old are you? What family are you looking for? Distant relatives? Siblings? Parents? 

Look people up online and on social media. Who, exactly,do you want answers from and what kind of answers do you want?

Anyone who would be happy to see me. Many people did not want to know me and I never knew the reason. Why did I have to spend my life poor and sometimes homeless? They were there for the parties, the minute I turned 18 everyone disappeared. What kind of start to life was that? 

Can't find them on social media if I don't even know their name. It's not as easy as that. 

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1 minute ago, Wiseman2 said:

Who are you talking about? Parents? Foster family?  You're not making sense.

As said before, any of my relatives. My family is quite large. I don't know who they are. I wouldn't talk to the ones I know as they let me down. 

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40 minutes ago, Taka2 said:

As said before, any of my relatives. My family is quite large. I don't know who they are. I wouldn't talk to the ones I know as they let me down. 

I'd look on Linkedin and Facebook.  I am not close with one of my cousins but the cousin's adult kids reached out to me over the past few years and now we're in touch and it's great!

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

I'd look on Linkedin and Facebook.  I am not close with one of my cousins but the cousin's adult kids reached out to me over the past few years and now we're in touch and it's great!

I wish I knew who they were 

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1 minute ago, Taka2 said:

I wish I knew who they were 

No need to wish.  Search up their names. You're so lucky. When I tried to search for distant cousins -I was curious about my extended family -and I was a kid -I had no internet, no phone, etc and could only rely on my parents for info and the telephone book.  And maybe the library -paper files.

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3 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No need to wish.  Search up their names. You're so lucky. When I tried to search for distant cousins -I was curious about my extended family -and I was a kid -I had no internet, no phone, etc and could only rely on my parents for info and the telephone book.  And maybe the library -paper files.

I don't know their names or a way to instantly find out. Ancestry websites help you find ancestors, bit have to protect the identities of living relatives. My parents wouldn't tell me. If it wasn't for the big parties, I wouldn't even know I had more family. How simple this would all be if I could just google it. 

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18 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

No need to wish.  Search up their names. You're so lucky. When I tried to search for distant cousins -I was curious about my extended family -and I was a kid -I had no internet, no phone, etc and could only rely on my parents for info and the telephone book.  And maybe the library -paper files.

I wish I could just walk into a library and find out you know? Like the solution was just sitting there. Or simply call someone up. Things to me have never been like that. Life has always been about searching for answers I should have already. Not being told to go away and google things. I have no support, nothing. My family is quite wealthy. So why have I been out here barely making it by? I sometimes wonder if I was illegitimate. Never having the answers is horrible. 

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12 minutes ago, Taka2 said:

I don't know their names or a way to instantly find out. Ancestry websites help you find ancestors, bit have to protect the identities of living relatives. My parents wouldn't tell me. If it wasn't for the big parties, I wouldn't even know I had more family. How simple this would all be if I could just google it. 

I found my entire biological family--the LIVING people--through a combination of Ancestry, Facebook, and Google. It took a couple years, but it's absolutely possible. It just takes time and patience. 

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1 minute ago, Jibralta said:

I found my entire biological family--the LIVING people--through a combination of Ancestry, Facebook, and Google. It took a couple years, but it's absolutely possible. It just takes time and patience. 

Will everyone please stop saying to use google. If I don't know their names how can I google them? I already have had to google my way through life and am a little fatigued with googling everything. Google doesn't replace people 

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1 hour ago, Taka2 said:

Will everyone please stop saying to use google. If I don't know their names how can I google them? I already have had to google my way through life and am a little fatigued with googling everything. Google doesn't replace people 

Use google after you find out their names through Ancestry and Facebook. 

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41 minutes ago, Blue_Skirt said:

Have you thought about DNA testing? I am from Europe, but I understand it is pretty popular in the US to find family.

I'll try buying a kit.. they are expensive but there's no other option

But no one seems to understand. If I'm alone, was it by random or bad luck, or was there a reason why everyone abandoned me? If so they wouldn't be happy to see me again.

It isn't clear what happened for things to be this way. I did not lie or cheat, or steal, or mess around with people. The household was violent, but some families are just like that. 

A problem is that my mother comes from a working class background, the opposite to my father. And I am sure my sister is only my half-sister. I asked about my mother once to my aunt and no one in the room said anything. 

Do you see what I mean, maybe they did it on purpose. 

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6 minutes ago, Taka2 said:

 A problem is that my mother comes from a working class background, the opposite to my father. And I am sure my sister is only my half-sister.

Why do you need to find your family? Where are your mother and father now? 

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I’d figure out life now as it is and “make it” on your own. This sounds like an arduous, time-consuming and painstaking task when it appears your resources are limited and you could be spending time working on a more comfortable life. 

Shelve this and focus on other priorities. Come back to it some other time. You probably won’t care or need to know more about these other people once you’re in a better place.

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Just now, Wiseman2 said:

Why do you need to find your family? Where are your mother and father now? 

Need? There's not much you can do alone. I don't "need" them to survive but imagine knowing you are living in a world where no one cares if you lived or died. Does that qualify as want or need? 

My mother and father have long since separated and we lost contact 15 years ago. I don't care where they are, they threw away all my possessions and stranded me in a halfway house. I have no idea why they did that. 

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2 minutes ago, Rose Mosse said:

I’d figure out life now as it is and “make it” on your own. This sounds like an arduous, time-consuming and painstaking task when it appears your resources are limited and you could be spending time working on a more comfortable life. 

Shelve this and focus on other priorities. Come back to it some other time. You probably won’t care or need to know more about these other people once you’re in a better place.

It's been many years. When am I going to make it? You don't stand a chance without family. That was a hard lesson to learn. I can get by, but it won't be more than that. That's the best I can do alone, day by day. Has 20 years googling everything on the internet helped? Not one bit. It was family all along, that was what mattered and not knowing who they are is a highly uncomfortable life. I can vouch for that! 

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1 minute ago, Taka2 said:

It's been many years. When am I going to make it? You don't stand a chance without family. That was a hard lesson to learn. I can get by, but it won't be more than that. That's the best I can do alone, day by day. Has 20 years googling everything on the internet helped? Not one bit. It was family all along, that was what mattered and not knowing who they are is a highly uncomfortable life. I can vouch for that! 

True but you can also choose your family in the form of close friends and be grateful for what you do have. If you’re depressed in general see your doctor. This may be a symptom of something else. Find support and don’t be shy asking for help from medical professionals. 

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12 minutes ago, Taka2 said:

My mother and father have long since separated and we lost contact 15 years ago.  and stranded me in a halfway house. 

Why are you so argumentative about semantics? You are rejecting help in every way you can, why? Why were you in a halfway house? Were you homeless? In prison? In a hospital?

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