Jump to content

Is he just not that Into me?


Cc86
 Share

Recommended Posts

So i went on a first date last night with a man i met online. It went really well, I would go as far to say it was the best first date I’ve had in my life. I’m 25 (nearly 26 if that matters) and he’s 29. Conversation flowed really well and we seemed to have a lot in common. He has yet to text me today. He said last night he was really tired after having friends visit him for 3 days and he is also training for a marathon which he was doing today. After not hearing from him all day, I messaged him at 6pm to see how his run went and it’s now midnight and he hasn’t replied and I’m so disappointed. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there and if he’s ghosting me I worry this will set me back a lot, because last night went so well and I was hopeful.

 

is there still a chance he could text tomorrow or am I being naive?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, Cc86 said:

So i went on a first date last night with a man i met online. . After not hearing from him all day, I messaged him at 6pm to see how his run went and it’s now midnight and he hasn’t replied and I’m so disappointed.

Give it time. Don't smother or double text. He has your contact info . It was last night so try not to let anxiety drive this. Keep in mind, even of it was a great date you are both talking to and meeting others.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

41 minutes ago, Cc86 said:

is there still a chance he could text tomorrow or am I being naive?

I dont think you are being naive, you are just hoping he would text. But yes, chances of that are pretty low. If he hasnt texted after the date, or after you texted him, chances are his level of interest is low. I am sorry, that is just something that happens during dating. Even if we take a liking of somebody, that somebody might not like us enough.

Dont see it as a setback, try to see it as just an experience. You cant let stuff like that get to you. That is still just some guy you got one date with. Practically nobody. So, just put yourself out there like you did, and move on.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi -here's how I managed my expectations when it came to first meets or first dates  - yes, I had many where we clicked that way and it was one and done.  So if there was no plan for another date- meaning time and place or at the very least "next weekend and I'll call you Tuesday to confirm which day"- then that was it -there was no next date.  Then if he called me and asked me out - pleasant surprise.  I wasn't being negative.  Just realistic. 

I'm not certain why you texted him.  It's a bit overdoing it - meaning it's a fragile time after a first meet -he might have been planning to ask you out or perhaps been a wee bit on the fence and/or tired and hearing from you -who he just met once - might have set off alarm bells that you are overly needy perhaps desperate.  Just be careful about first impressions.  While on the first date or first meet show interest and say thanks if he treats you etc and there is no need whatsoever to follow up with a transparent 'thanks again!" text - which screams "please please please ask me out!!!" 

Be patient.  Let him come to you after you've shown interest.  Which you did.  Good luck.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I know people who have run marathons. They could barely make it to the bathroom for a few days afterward. Forget about socializing or contacting friends.

Let him get a day or two of rest and see if he messages you.

And for those who say "but it only takes a few seconds to send a text!!!!" I'm going to guess they've never run a marathon 🤣. I've only marched in a couple of five mile parades and I wanted to die after lol.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Cc86 said:

So i went on a first date last night with a man i met online. It went really well, I would go as far to say it was the best first date I’ve had in my life. I’m 25 (nearly 26 if that matters) and he’s 29. Conversation flowed really well and we seemed to have a lot in common. He has yet to text me today. He said last night he was really tired after having friends visit him for 3 days and he is also training for a marathon which he was doing today. After not hearing from him all day, I messaged him at 6pm to see how his run went and it’s now midnight and he hasn’t replied and I’m so disappointed. It takes a lot for me to put myself out there and if he’s ghosting me I worry this will set me back a lot, because last night went so well and I was hopeful.

 

is there still a chance he could text tomorrow or am I being naive?

I’m curious why him ghosting you would set you back a lot. Why do you see it this way? You’ve only met on one date and it was enjoyable. As enjoyable as it was it doesn’t mean that either of you may meet again or speak again either. I agree with the comment from Kwothe mentioned earlier: treat this as an experience and try not to take it personally if you don’t hear from him. 

I also want to commend you for putting yourself out there and texting him if it’s not your norm. Experiences like this make us stronger, not less than what we were. You challenged yourself to do something you might have been afraid to do in the past. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Back off on texting.  Give him space and time.  It's only been a first date.  Don't pepper nor bombard him with texts because you'll be perceived as clingy and no one likes that.  Don't wait with bated breath for him to text you. 

My friend is a marathon runner.  Running is a very grueling sport.  He told you that he's tired after having friends visit him for 3 days and training is not only intense, it's very exhausting. 

Give him a few days and if he's sincerely interested in seeing you again, let him contact you. 

Let this be a test.  This is your opportunity to observe his behavior.  If he cares to give you a quick text, then let him do it on his own time.  Yield by accommodating and working around his training and marathon schedules.  Be patient.  Apparently, he has outlets outside dating and relationships.  He's very busy.  As for you, get busy so your sole focus is not only on him.  It's good and healthy to have an independent streak of your own. 

Training for a marathon is very time consuming and fatiguing.  After the marathon, he'll require at least a week if not more to recover.  My neighbor is a marathon runner and this is what he told me.  He's a zombie post-training and post-marathons.   He needs to rest.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Rose Mosse said:

I’m curious why him ghosting you would set you back a lot. Why do you see it this way?

That stood out to me too. 

You barely know the guy, OP. I get that it would be disappointing, but it sounds like you're putting too many eggs in one basket. Try to see this as just meeting and getting to know some new people so you don't set your expectations too high, too early. 

  • Like 1
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

If he doesn't ask you out on a proper date that's not ghosting.  If he doesn't respond to your text -you barely know him and to me that's not ghosting -he may text again or would you prefer the obligatory "you're soooooo amazing and I hope you find a great guy but I'm just not ready for a serious relationship right now."  [With You].  I preferred silence -but after a first meet the only reason I would message first or call first is if there was a specific reason like I promised to follow up with contact info or the name of a place he wanted to go to. 

If there wasn't texting would you have called him to ask how his weekend was or you figured this was an easy way to test his interest in you? Did you really care how his weekend was going or were you just impatient as far as knowing whether he wanted to ask you out on a date? 

If he didn't as me out on a date while on the date I expressed interest, thanked him, and ball in his court to ask me out.  

Silence =lack of interest in another date.  To me ghosting is when you have an established relationship -platonic or otherwise and the person just stops responding.  I've had that happen and it's hurtful.  And way before texting.

Give him time though - at least a couple of days and also at least in the US we have a long weekend coming up-lots of people go away.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Restore formatting

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...