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A friend abroad


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My(25M) childhood friend (24F) got a job in Germany. It's been more than 10 years since we haven't met and a while ago, we ran into each other. We were so excited to see each other after all this time. We spent our entire childhood playing tag and now we are grown ups working. 

I was interested in her and thought maybe it would be a good idea to hang out with her. I contacted her and she told me to come see her where she lives because she has something to tell me. That's when she told me that she is traveling in 2 days for this new job. She was so stressed out and scared because this is her first experience abroad and she is having doubts and keeps thinking about her family and her parents. I cheered her on, made her laugh, told her that everything will be okay and it will be a great experience. I did a good job on that and she insisted that I come see her one more time before she travels to say goodbye. The fact that she shared her feelings with me despite not seeing me for more than 10 years shows that she still considers me a friend. She could have ignored my text or give some kind of excuse since she is too busy and stressed.

I decided to give her a gift to relieve the stress a little bit and make her happy. I made a frame with her name written and "Viel Gluck (meaning good luck in German)" that can be hanged easily on the wall so she can be a tiny bit motivated when she looks into it. She loved it so much and showed it to her family.

When I got home, she messaged me to thank me again and told me that she will contact me when she gets there and will send me pictures of the hanged frame as well as some beautiful views from the city.

I still haven't heard from her. She traveled one week ago. 

I want to check on her but at the same I'd rather not since she told me more than once that she will reach out to me. Maybe she is extremely busy and hasn't settled yet.

Me too, I am moving to Germany ( a different city though, 1 hour away by airplane ) but I haven't told her or any of my friends until I get my VISA, which takes some time.

Should I hold it, give her some space ( although all I will be doing is text her how are things going on and if maybe she is on for a WhatsApp call or something, so no big ) and message her once I am there in Germany and maybe meet her on one of the weekends and see how it goes and if she is still single and we kind of connect, maybe ask her out ?

Any advice please ?

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1 hour ago, survivor2021 said:

 she told me more than once that she will reach out to me. 

That's a thoughtful gesture. However moving abroad and getting settled there and at work is a huge task. Don't suffocate.

She has your contact info and your gift. She knows where you are and how to reach you.

You're getting way ahead of things as far as you working there, long distance dating etc.

Just stay in touch for now, but wait for her to reach out as she requested.

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4 hours ago, survivor2021 said:

I still haven't heard from her. She traveled one week ago. 

 

Nore you would.

I am sorry, maybe I am a bit too pessimistic. But Ive been on your end maybe too many times to know how it goes. You make an effort over somebody. Only for them to not even ask how you are doing later down the line. Rarely who in life will trully care about you. Your family, your SO and maybe your few best friends. Sometimes not even them. Somebody who you havent seen in 10 years? Yeah, I wouldnt hope so.

In time I started doing "reciprocity". Meaning that I extend just how much they are willing to for me. If they wont, I make no effort anymore. In your case, that would mean that you already extended your hand. Its her turn. So dont contact her. If she is not willing to even send a message to ask how have you been or send a few pics of her new city, you dont need that friendship. Consider her just an aquitance that you would say "Hi" when you see each other.

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I moved abroad a few years ago now, and let me tell you, the frist few weeks were intense. I was very busy getting my new apartment/bank account/job sorted..my whole life had just changed and it was thrilling and exhausting - but I still had time at the end of the day to message those who were important to me. 

I think she sees you as a friend but not someone she's prioritizing at this time. She will reach out if she wants to keep you in her life in some way. 

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I think you are jumping way way ahead of yourself here. You seem to have some kind of a romantic interest in her, however she likely doesn't see you as anything more than a childhood pal. You also caught her in a time when she is moving and her mind is entirely somewhere else. Romance is the last thing on her mind at the moment.

As for venting to you, please don't read something special into that. Women freely vent to each other all the time. It's not special.

Giving her that gift was certainly a sweet gesture and once her life has settled in a bit, she might well reach out to you. Then again, she might simply move on with her life and never follow through and focus on making new friends where she is. After all, you have been out of touch for years and but for a brief catch up during an anxious moment for her, there isn't much there between you at this point.

Give her time to actually settle in, but don't hold your breath that she'll ever reach out to you. If you still want to pursue something, then maybe reach out to her again once you've moved yourself. However, be very very clear with her about your intentions up front. Meaning, don't pretend to be a friend just looking to catch up when your real interest is something more. Be honest and upfront and give her a chance to be honest with you in whether or not she has any interest in you that way or not at all. It will save you a lot of grief and wasted time on nothing.

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17 hours ago, Andrina said:

Why are you also moving to Germany? Sounds like you made that decision after you reconnected with her and found out about her move.

No. I got my job offer way before I even ran into her. The only reason she traveled before me is that the clinic sponsored her VISA while my IT company left it to me to apply, which takes time. 

I'm interested in her but not to the point to move to her country, come on 🙃.

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