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She's cold over text, but hot, receptive, engaging in person?


Flamable_water
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Hello, so I’ve been going out with this girl for the past 3 months, I’ve been seeing her about twice a month. I’m a pretty busy person. Anyways, this last time we hung out, she invited me to her place, we drank then she took me out for dinner and payed for everything, she did not let me pay like I always did, I tried to but she just wouldn’t let me, so I told her I got it next time. After dinner, we went back to her place and relaxed, and I noticed she was starting to become very comfortable/open with me, which was nice to see, she kinda always had a wall up.
 

I told her I had to leave cause I was exhausted, it was 1am, she walked me to my car and I made a move and started kissing her, and she passionately kissed back. This was our first physical touch, we’ve never even hugged before this, just a handshake when I first met her lmao. 
 

anyways, whenever we hangout, she’s engaging, receptive, warm, feminine and it’s just never a dull moment, but then when it comes to texting, she’s super dry, I always have to initiate text, ask her how she’s doing and ask her out on dates—which she always says yes to—but she never texts me first to see how I’m doing or anything. I’m asking this question cause I’ve never dealt a girl like this, usually if they’re cold in person, they’re cold over text and when they’re warm/hot in person, they’re warm/hot over text. But she’s both? Maybe I’m over thinking it? Just want some other opinions on this, thanks!

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23 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Is texting really more important than in person interaction?

I hope you haven't and won't complain to her about texting.

Remember, years ago there was no texting. It didn't mean people didn't like each other. 

You’re right, I guess I’m just not used to it.  And no, I haven’t complained to her about anything. 

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I am not sure what the problem is here.  She is into you, you are into her and things seem to be going pretty well so relax and accept her as she is.

 What about talking on the phone?  You know an actual voice convo.

Since you are busy send her a text sometime that says "I was just thinking about you, do you have time to talk for a bit"  If she says yes then give her a call and ask her how her day was or is going.

  Texting for many is just business and it actually causes more misunderstandings and insecurities than most people think.  Like in this case...

Make more time for her or some other guy will.

 Lost

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Some people are just not good texters. I would pay more attention on what she does when you are together. Especially because she actually says "Yes" to dates. So it doesnt really matter if she is "dry texter".

For example: She paid for dinner and took you out to her place? And you waited until you leave to the car to make a move? Do you need to be spelled that somebody likes you enough and that she wants you to make a move for more? You are lucky that she just didnt quit and let you leave there, she must really like you.

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3 hours ago, Flamable_water said:

so I’ve been going out with this girl for the past 3 months, I’ve been seeing her about twice a month. I’m a pretty busy person.

So you've only had about 6 dates in three months. That's quite little, and suggests that you two still don't know each other well. 

Considering that she is still into you in person, I would give her the benefit of the doubt right now about her messaging habits. She could still be cautious since you haven't spent much time together in person. If it's you that is unable to make more time for dates, she could also be wondering how into her you are. 

Are you able to see each other more? Seeing each other only twice month will eventually get old. 

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5 hours ago, Flamable_water said:

 I’ve been going out with this girl for the past 3 months,  we’ve never even hugged before this, just a handshake.

Are you dating or just friends? Handshakes are ice cold so it's odd to say she's "hot" in person.

What's up with only seeing each other twice a month for 3 mos?

How old is she? While she was a good host, it sounds like the friendzone. 

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I agree with Kwothe28 and jul-els.  Not everyone is adept at texting.  I've known people who are a joy to be with in person or during a brief phone conversation yet they're lousy at texting and emails. 

Then on the opposite side of the spectrum, I've known people who are great with electronic correspondence -  text, messages, emails, voicemails and social media.  However, in person, they're not very amiable and rather aloof and curt.  Go figure.  🤔

Learn to adapt to different people.  Or, be with people who are in sync with you because you'll be able to relate to them better with minimal effort and complexities.   

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funny thing for me about texting is... the people I closest to,  I text the least.  

Our whole text chain says things... things like... on my way... parking...  home.... just called to say hi.... call you back in a few... can't talk. you home? 

Which says to me- we're talking, seeing each other,  calling, checking in.  all good healthy things! 

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27 minutes ago, Lambert said:

funny thing for me about texting is... the people I closest to,  I text the least.  

Our whole text chain says things... things like... on my way... parking...  home.... just called to say hi.... call you back in a few... can't talk. you home? 

Which says to me- we're talking, seeing each other,  calling, checking in.  all good healthy things! 

I agree. I send long messages to the people I can't see in person because they live far away. Those I see regularly? Why would I need to text them all the time?

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Were you a sloth in a past life? Six dates before a kiss and only setting up dates twice a month? Why are you so busy that you can only fit her into your life this minimal of an amount?

Since you barely know her, one can only guess what's going on in her head. My guess would be that she doesn't want to get overly invested with lengthy communication in texting since she's really not a priority to you. She could be hoping for an improvement, going to the next level, with more get togethers, and when she sees yet another text without an invite to physically get together, huffs in disappointment and gives the minimal effort that she's getting from you.

Is this busyness a temporary situation with you, or not expected to change? If it's permanent, you should see if there are life changes you can make to be able to make more time for a dating life. Otherwise, your pool will be smaller of women who think it's a pro to get together only twice a month.

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4 hours ago, Andrina said:

Were you a sloth in a past life? Six dates before a kiss and only setting up dates twice a month? Why are you so busy that you can only fit her into your life this minimal of an amount?

Since you barely know her, one can only guess what's going on in her head. My guess would be that she doesn't want to get overly invested with lengthy communication in texting since she's really not a priority to you. She could be hoping for an improvement, going to the next level, with more get togethers, and when she sees yet another text without an invite to physically get together, huffs in disappointment and gives the minimal effort that she's getting from you.

Is this busyness a temporary situation with you, or not expected to change? If it's permanent, you should see if there are life changes you can make to be able to make more time for a dating life. Otherwise, your pool will be smaller of women who think it's a pro to get together only twice a month.

I work, also working on a business I just started and also in training to be a pilot. The free time I do have, I put it towards her.  It’s a temporary situation. 

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6 minutes ago, Flamable_water said:

I work, also working on a business I just started and also in training to be a pilot. The free time I do have, I put it towards her.  It’s a temporary situation. 

Try getting your next date with her on the calendar, then see if she warms up.

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