Never been in this situation before and I'm not sure how to move forward.

[Cynder]

I'm a vendor at festivals. I've been doing this almost 10 years now.  There is one show I do that is my personal baby.  This year was my 6th year.  I am a sponsor at this event and I am the highest level of sponsor.  This means I pay a huge amount of money to be there and I have one of the best spots there.  I have a following there.  The other vendors are like family to me.  I pull thousands of dollars at this show every year and I look forward to it all year round. 

There are tons of volunteers there.  When I first got there and was setting up I had two volunteers offer to help me get my tent up.  To me that didn't seem like a big deal.  Well a bunch of us vendors all went out Friday night and since I can't drive I was riding with someone else there.  I had a customer who was in my booth for an hour talking to me and so I was in a huge hurry to close down because my ride was waiting.  So I asked if a volunteer was available to help me secure my tent just because it would be faster.  So, someone came and helped.  It took less than ten minutes. 

And aside from this, I had the most amazing weekend.  I had a blast and made a lot of money.  And I always go over and thank the people in charge before leaving.  I still did that despite all this happening. 

Saturday morning I got there and opened up the tent with no help.  Saturday afternoon the tornado siren went off and all the vendors were told to close their tents.  Which I did.  I am good friends with the people in the booth next to me.  One of the guys in that booth came over and helped me close up the tent.  This only lasted a short time.  It was safe again in 20 minutes and everyone opened back up, me included. 

A friend of mine (not a vendor but someone who always goes to this event and has been a volunteer in the past) and I were having dinner Saturday night. He left the festival to go home and shower and then he came back to pick me up.  Him and I closed and secured my tent.  (This is all relevant.)

Got there this morning, opened the tent with no help.  They always pass out envelopes to the vendors with a form to fill out for next year.  I opened mine thinking I would just fill it out and go pay for next year before things got busy.  Well, there was nothing in my envelope.  I went over to pay and was told they aren't taking payments now. 

Well, later on I went over to pay and was informed that there was nothing in my envelope because I am not welcome back.  And when I asked why I was told "Well you asked a volunteer to go get food for you."  I said I didn't do that and was told "You did last year."  But I didn't last year.  I remember this because the vendor right next to the food truck is someone I know really well and I was talking to her while waiting in line for food.  She remembers this too.

And then I was told that I asked the volunteers to close my tent for me when the siren went off.  But I didn't.  I talked to my neighbor who helped me secure the tent when the siren went off and he remembers doing that. 

And then she tried to say that Saturday night I had a volunteer help me close my tent.  I didn't do that either because my friend helped me with the tent. 

The employee who was supposed to work for me this weekend had a medical emergency, if anyone is wondering why I had no help. 

And then I was told by someone who has no motivation to lie about it, that my ex is the one who told them I did these things.  (My ex is a vendor too, we split up in 2019 and he has been trying to ruin my business ever since.) 

The festival scene can be really cutthroat.  There are a lot of people who are out to get other people.  And yes, vendors are their own bosses, but we are also under contract.  So we still have rules to follow.  My ex has lied about me and gotten me kicked out of a few other shows.  He's a trust fund baby who comes from a really wealthy family.  He doesn't need the money like I do. 

It would be one thing if I was getting kicked out for something I did.  But I'm being kicked out for things I didn't do.  I tried telling this lady that I didn't do those things.  And she kept insisting that I did... basically calling me a liar.  I told her if I'm allowed back I won't ask for any volunteer help ever again.  And she said they are going to have a meeting to discuss it. 

I didn't go around telling everyone.  I talked to my neighbor about it because they helped me when the siren went off.  They backed me up.  When my friend got there today I told him what was going on, and he backed me up.  (I mean both of these people went and talked to the people in charge about this.) 

This whole situation makes zero sense at all, and this makes me think my ex is likely paying them off.  He has a lot of money to throw around.  As much as it suck for me, it's still business, at the end of the day.  Festivals are expensive to put on. 

In all my years there I have been so strict about following all the rules.  I never show up late.  I never leave early.  I never leave any trash in my area, etc. 

So, the lady I had this conversation with wasn't the main guy in charge.  The main guy, Matt, is my friend on Facebook.  I am thinking about typing out a long message explaining my side of the story to him.  That way he will have it to read at the meeting they are supposedly going to have.  And I am thinking about telling him these three people can all vouch for me that I didn't do what I'm being accused of.  They all are aware of the situation, etc. 

I also considered calling him.  But I figure a written message would be better because then it's written out and no one is just repeating something I said over the phone.  I also thought about including something like, "You have my word in writing, I won't ask for volunteer help again.  And if I do you can tell me to pack up and leave right then and there." 

I suppose if my ex is paying them off nothing I do will matter.  I also can't believe such an issue is being made over volunteers helping a vendor.  I've been a volunteer at festivals before, too.  They are there to help everyone, staff, vendors, etc. 

I think it's amazing that so many people are willing to stick up for me in this situation.  But it's still an awful situation.  I've had the year from hell and I feel like I am losing everything that makes me happy.  My business is one of the few things I have left.  And if this keeps happening, soon that will be gone too. I feel like I fail at everything no matter how hard I try to shine.  There are actually people who come to this event specifically to see my work.  And my ex rubs everyone the wrong way and has for years.  How can they side with him?  He's also a manipulator, a liar and most likely personality disordered.  People like that always seem to win.  

What do you all think I should do?  Should I sent the message?  Should I tell him three people are willing to back me up?  Etc.  Keep in mind I can't change what has already happened.  I am asking what I should do to fix it.  Also, if you're one of those people who have this unjustified hate filled rage toward vendors (and there are people like that out there) sorry you feel that way but I'm not here to be told to change my career. 

Thanks. 

[Jibralta]

7 hours ago, Cynder said:

I also considered calling him.  But I figure a written message would be better because then it's written out and no one is just repeating something I said over the phone.  I also thought about including something like, "You have my word in writing, I won't ask for volunteer help again.  And if I do you can tell me to pack up and leave right then and there." 

Actually, I would call first. Writing is passive.

When you talk to someone on the phone, you have the opportunity to gather information. You can also steer the conversation as needed.

If you feel the need to have a paper trail, you can always send an email to the person you spoke to and say, "This is to follow up on our telephone conversation...."

[Batya33]

I like Jibralta's input.  Alternatively what I would do is send the following message - do a one sentence back story that is completely objective/bland like "Hi - I'm writing about the situation where I have been told I am not welcome back next year.  I would like to write to you my perspective on the situation so that it might be useful for the next meeting.  I'm also happy to have a phone call to discuss.  I would really appreciate being able to share in some way the details of this situation.  Please let me know what would work best for you.  Thank you."

[Cynder]

On 8/22/2022 at 6:00 AM, Jibralta said:

Actually, I would call first. Writing is passive.

When you talk to someone on the phone, you have the opportunity to gather information. You can also steer the conversation as needed.

If you feel the need to have a paper trail, you can always send an email to the person you spoke to and say, "This is to follow up on our telephone conversation...."

I sent his this text yesterday: "Hi, I had a great show this weekend as always. I would like to talk at some point when you have time, it can be over messages or we can talk on the phone if that would be easier for you. I feel awful about upsetting the crew and I really would like to try to reach some kind of resolution. I think there have been some misunderstandings and I really would like the chance to explain myself before the meeting. I hope you're having a good day." 

I haven't gotten a reply yet, but I also know him and his wife take a few days off and unplug after the festival.  I don't blame them.  But when he does get to his messages, it will be there. 

News travels fast in the scene.  I only told one person and she doesn't have a big mouth.  But a lot of people know.  I've had a lot of people message me to tell me what BS they think this is.  So that tells me either my ex is going around telling everyone (because he does have a big mouth) or that people on the crew are talking about it. 

Since this meeting they are having is a public meeting and anyone can go, I know of three other vendors who are planning on going to the meeting just to stick up for me.  No one has ever had my back like this.  Also a lot of people are pissed that they are turning this event into a popularity contest.  One vendor I know said that this is really worrying because it means it could be them next year. 

And this other vendor I know but not that well reached out to me yesterday and told me she used to do this same event and my ex actually got her kicked out too.  They never dated but he didn't like her and just pushed the issue until the organizers finally banned her. 

In the end I guess it's just like any other business.  Money talks.  I wonder how much he is paying them for this.  And him and I aren't even in competition with each other.  I sell paintings and prints.  He sells leather goods. (90% of which he doesn't even make.)

Every year I have people at this event tell me that they came specifically to see my new paintings.  In the years that him and I did events together I never once heard anyone say that to him.  A lot of the other vendors can't stand him and he rubs customers the wrong way too.  There is a whole group of vendors that all hang out outside of events.  They have parties and cookouts and stuff and when him and I split up a bunch of them all told me they never invited me to anything because they knew I would bring him and they all don't like him.  They all even have a really nasty nickname for him. 

My point in saying all this is it's not even a popularity contest, IMO.  Because if it was that I would win.  It's him buying his way. 

[Cynder]

On 8/22/2022 at 7:28 AM, Batya33 said:

I like Jibralta's input.  Alternatively what I would do is send the following message - do a one sentence back story that is completely objective/bland like "Hi - I'm writing about the situation where I have been told I am not welcome back next year.  I would like to write to you my perspective on the situation so that it might be useful for the next meeting.  I'm also happy to have a phone call to discuss.  I would really appreciate being able to share in some way the details of this situation.  Please let me know what would work best for you.  Thank you."

I sent him a text yesterday that is copied into my other reply if you are curious what it said. 

[Batya33]

I like what you wrote and how you put it!

[Cynder]

Well, apparently the Universe was in my corner, they reversed their decision today. 

I am still so taken aback by this whole thing.  Not only being told I can't come back but then how fast other people found out about it and how many people spoke up about it.  I guess there were even a few people who just go to this festival every year and don't work there at all who heard and sent messages to the people in charge. I guess I have more of a following than I realize.  

I have struggled for so long with feeling invisible.  I guess this is one thing that proves I'm not invisible. 

[Seraphim]

That is great! 

[Batya33]

What wonderful news and so validating!!!

[Cherylyn]

2 hours ago, Cynder said:

Well, apparently the Universe was in my corner, they reversed their decision today. 

I am still so taken aback by this whole thing.  Not only being told I can't come back but then how fast other people found out about it and how many people spoke up about it.  I guess there were even a few people who just go to this festival every year and don't work there at all who heard and sent messages to the people in charge. I guess I have more of a following than I realize.  

I have struggled for so long with feeling invisible.  I guess this is one thing that proves I'm not invisible. 

The truth shall set you free.

I'm relieved for you, Cynder !  So glad that you had people vouch for you and it all worked out in the end. 

I too have a perpetrator in my life and fortunately, I have a lot of people in my corner and the lone  perpetrator is toast which is humiliating for the perp.  Perps only dig deeper holes for themselves so in many ways, this person actually did me a tremendous favor !  Funny how that worked out.   

[catfeeder]

So happy to hear of the reversal, Cynder! I'm sorry you had to suffer this upset, but it also taught you some important things about how well liked you are. Not just that, but people were willing to back that up and walk their talk.

Also glad to hear that you enjoyed the event and it was fruitful.

Maybe you can consider this outcome a symbolic turning point in many ways.

Cheers!