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Help with bf issues


GemLou
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So my boyfriend went to wedding without me because he didn't have a plus 1. I asked him how did it go. He said I was drunk but yeah went okay. I then find out later from his mum that he was sick in the car on the way home because he drank toooo much. He didn't tell me this. Am I in the right to be pissed off? Why didn't he just tell me when I asked and he's 32 , why you getting sooo drunk your being sick. I just don't know whether to bring it up with him

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6 minutes ago, GemLou said:

I then find out later from his mum that he was sick in the car on the way home because he drank toooo much. Why didn't he just tell me when I asked and he's 32 , 

How long are you dating? Did his mother drive him home? Why do you think he must report embarrassing behaviors to you? 

Is this the same man?:

 

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Ask him why he didn't tell you he was sick in the car?  He might tell you it was because he was embarrassed.  He didn't tell you details and it makes you wonder what else he doesn't explain whenever you ask him about anything. 

You need to ask yourself if this is worth a heated argument?  Pick your battles.

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5 minutes ago, GemLou said:

Am I in the right to be pissed off?

About what? He told you that he got drunk.

Personally I would more find it weird that he didnt bring you after 2 years together, "plus 1" or not. OK, maybe it was smaller wedding or something, but I highly doubt that he couldnt bring you along if he insisted. 

Do you have a problem with him drinking? Because that is the only thing you can get "pissed" about. And how he got drunk to the need of vomitting. 

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1 hour ago, Kwothe28 said:

I highly doubt that he couldnt bring you along if he insisted. 

Most weddings have a set budget.  I wouldn't have been pleased if someone "insisted" on bringing someone to my wedding uninvited.

He could, however, choose not to go.  The OP's other thread addresses this question, where she states she believes he shouldn't go to weddings without her.

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Some people don't allow plus ones for their own reason and I don't think it's very polite to INSIST that you should bring a plus one. It's true that it's more common to allow plus ones but maybe some people don't allow them if they don't know the plus one. I don't really see what this huge deal is not to go to the wedding. In particular if you don't know the people. If you knew the people you would have been invited to their wedding.

Yes it's probably annoying your boyfriend didn't mention he vomited but other than that he told everything that happened. Sure it's good to be open in your relationship but he doesn't actually need to report on every single little thing he did. Like: "I drank five drinks, I danced for ten minutes" lol

Also if your boyfriend isn't an actual alcoholic then it's not the end of the world if he threw up once because he went to a wedding. It's very common to drink at a wedding and other special occasions. If he doesn't always go to events without you and doesn't always vomit then this is not a regular thing. Nobody is perfect. 

To be honest you sound a bit controlling.

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49 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Most weddings have a set budget.  I wouldn't have been pleased if someone "insisted" on bringing someone to my wedding uninvited.

 

Yes, but she isnt "someone". "Someone" is a random girl that you met before the wedding and you are already invited to the wedding so you cant bring her. She is a girlfriend of 3 years. That is why I find it weird that

a) she isnt already pre-planned. OK, maybe they postponned the wedding because of Covid or something while the relationship was new, but if it was the big wedding she should also been counted in advance.

b) he didnt tried to at least ask to bring her. Which again depends, maybe its a smaller wedding so it was not OK to even ask, which is understandable if it is.

1 hour ago, boltnrun said:

He could, however, choose not to go.  The OP's other thread addresses this question, where she states she believes he shouldn't go to weddings without her.

That is also an option. However, given his behavior and that on other thread she states that he has another wedding where she also isnt invited, its more likely that he just doesnt want her to come along. So he could drink as he pleases probably. Which would be a root of a much bigger issue. 

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Bottom line, it's rude to either show up at or bring someone (regardless of who that someone is) to a wedding they aren't invited to. In fact, it's pretty high up there on the rudeness scale. You can't "crash" a wedding. 

When I was a kid me, my mom and my brother happened to be visiting family during a time when they were invited to a wedding. My cousin decided to just bring us along without asking the wedding couple. I still remember how embarrassingly awkward that situation was.

You're not invited, you don't go.

And sure, the boyfriend can ask if he can bring his girlfriend but if the answer is "sorry, it's just not in our budget" he certainly shouldn't have to refuse to go.

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7 minutes ago, boltnrun said:

Bottom line, it's rude to either show up at or bring someone (regardless of who that someone is) to a wedding they aren't invited to. In fact, it's pretty high up there on the rudeness scale. You can't "crash" a wedding. 

 

Nobody said that it isnt so dunno why its even brought. If she isnt invited ofcourse she cant go. Just saying that its weird from one side as she is with him for 3 years. And that he probably just doesnt want to bring her along as its an issue that repeated once again.

I also dont see why he shouldnt go alone if he couldnt bring her. That is something that happens and she shouldnt be mad because of that. 

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11 hours ago, GemLou said:

. I expect him to report it to me cos we have been together along time .We are a team. 

Actually, you don't seem like a team. It seems like you live separate lives in many respects, even after 2 years together. 

This isn't about him going to weddings without you or masturbating or the many other things you find upsetting in the relationship.

It's that you strangely act as if you're his parent and he has to tell you everything about everything.

As you can see he already does a lot of things solo because you're not a team.

Decide what this is and where you see it going.  He's a grown man. Why does he live with his mother for example? 

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I have a feeling you're mighty ticked about a few things with this guy...

- You 'expect'  him to report it to you?

As mentioned, I think he is fine going solo.  Is it possible you're driving him crazy a little bit? 😕 .

Your spoken words on here sounds like you're just majorly ticked off about a lot.  About him being sick, about him going 'solo'., etc. ( as as Wiseman mentioned- you've made a post a while ago about issue's as well...?). 

So, are there some underlying issue's you've got?

Is it maybe time to re-think all of this?  Maybe time to move on - or communicate in a decent way with all that's bothering you, with him.

 

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The whole tone and choice of words is questioning.  He needs to report to you?  It was disclosed he was drunk.  No secret here.  Yet the details of him vomiting were omitted and that's what you have a problem with?  

Based on your other thread about the same wedding, it seems you are bothered that he went without you.  Seeing he had no control over the fact he didn't have a plus one option, you'd rather get upset and focus on him getting sick?  

You mention in the other thread that he should have spoken up on your behalf.  Well, he didn't.  Twice. You add that he seems to enjoy going alone and that you wouldn't go to a wedding without him.  It seems you two have different priorities.  
 

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If it was your car he puked in, then yeah, you’d have a reason to be mad. Otherwise, no. Because he didn’t tell you he puked? It makes no difference. Do you think he should report to you whenever he has a bodily function? If so, I’d say your expectations are more than a little bit unreasonable, lol. 

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