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The girl (25F) I (25M) want to see is having a major depressive episode


Willfully0107
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I got matched with this girl about two weeks ago on Tinder. We vibed well, and I asked her out last Saturday, about one week after we got matched. I asked her to go on a date with me on the following week's Sunday. She said yes but said would confirm it on Wednesday.

Up until Wednesday, everything was going well. We both were initiating conversations. I even bought a book to give her as a gift. It's a book she wanted to read and is one of my favorite books. I wasn't sure if I was going to give it to her on the very first date.

Then on Wednesday, when she was supposed to confirm if we were meeting on Sunday, she stopped replying to my texts. I could see her online on Whatsapp, but wasn't replying to me. I thought she might be busy with something and let it be that. Then on Friday, two days after not hearing from her, I sent her a text asking if she had changed her mind or something. That text didn't get delivered on Whatsapp. I called her later on the day and found her phone switched off.

Then on Saturday, I saw her online. I called her immediately. But she didn't pick up, instead texted me. She said our vibe was mutual, but she is not worthy of it. I asked what had happened. She replied she had a major depressive episode, and she said I don't want to deal with her craziness. To which I replied, "I will decide that myself. I want to give it a try. Please text/call me when you can. I will wait."

She then replied talk to you soon then. I said my goodbyes and told her to take care of herself.

Now it's Tuesday. I haven't heard anything back from her yet. Pardon me for having very little knowledge about depression. I am thinking about texting her today. I will ask her how she is doing etc. Is that a good idea? How should I proceed from here? And if she replies back, is it a good idea to ask her out again?

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20 minutes ago, Willfully0107 said:

I She replied she had a major depressive episode, and she said I don't want to deal with her craziness. 

Sorry this happened. You dodged a bullet. Even though you felt a spark and hit it off, people are still talking to and meeting others. So whether she's has major mood disorders or not may not even be related.

Don't pester her. Whatever her excuse is, the bottom line is she doesn't want to date.

It's very important not to beg and even more important not to hope to fix anyone. Keep in mind, it's tinder so there's lots of action on free hookup apps like that.

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It's an excuse, OP. 

She is trying to let you down without being direct and instead coming up with something that you can't exactly argue with. But the message is the same - this date isn't going to happen, unfortunately. 

It sounds like you get a bit too attached too quickly though. Telling her you will wait when you have never even met her is too much, as is this: 

58 minutes ago, Willfully0107 said:

Then on Saturday, I saw her online. I called her immediately.

It's important to learn to read between the lines when someone is dodging you, and not go chasing after them. 

I would not contact her again. There will be better matches out there for you. 

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1 hour ago, Willfully0107 said:

I got matched with this girl about two weeks ago on Tinder. We vibed well, and I asked her out last Saturday, about one week after we got matched. I asked her to go on a date with me on the following week's Sunday. She said yes but said would confirm it on Wednesday.

Up until Wednesday, everything was going well. We both were initiating conversations. I even bought a book to give her as a gift. It's a book she wanted to read and is one of my favorite books. I wasn't sure if I was going to give it to her on the very first date.

Then on Wednesday, when she was supposed to confirm if we were meeting on Sunday, she stopped replying to my texts. I could see her online on Whatsapp, but wasn't replying to me. I thought she might be busy with something and let it be that. Then on Friday, two days after not hearing from her, I sent her a text asking if she had changed her mind or something. That text didn't get delivered on Whatsapp. I called her later on the day and found her phone switched off.

Then on Saturday, I saw her online. I called her immediately. But she didn't pick up, instead texted me. She said our vibe was mutual, but she is not worthy of it. I asked what had happened. She replied she had a major depressive episode, and she said I don't want to deal with her craziness. To which I replied, "I will decide that myself. I want to give it a try. Please text/call me when you can. I will wait."

She then replied talk to you soon then. I said my goodbyes and told her to take care of herself.

Now it's Tuesday. I haven't heard anything back from her yet. Pardon me for having very little knowledge about depression. I am thinking about texting her today. I will ask her how she is doing etc. Is that a good idea? How should I proceed from here? And if she replies back, is it a good idea to ask her out again?

She’s not interested in meeting with you. Let this one go. The reasons are not relevant at this point. See what other matches there are and try other apps if you’re looking for more than a hook up. 

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You don't really know this person...what she told you could be lies, and her husband just got home from his business trip or her ex started contacting her again, blah blah blah....bottom line, she's not interested. Let go move on. 

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10 hours ago, Willfully0107 said:

Now it's Tuesday. I haven't heard anything back from her yet. Pardon me for having very little knowledge about depression. I am thinking about texting her today. I will ask her how she is doing etc. Is that a good idea? How should I proceed from here? And if she replies back, is it a good idea to ask her out again?

No, you leave her be now. The ball is in her court....

Like she said, " She said our vibe was mutual, but she is not worthy of it. I asked what had happened. She replied she had a major depressive episode, and she said I don't want to deal with her craziness."

I don't think she is that into meeting.  Then, you respect this and move on.

 

 

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What's your dating/relationship history been up until now? Your behavior went way overboard in this situation, and so if you haven't had much luck in relationships, know that moving too fast and getting emotionally involved too soon will scare a woman away. Slow your roll. 

Learn to lob the ball over the net. If a woman doesn't make the effort of lobbing it back, don't pick up another ball and try again. If a person can't make an equal effort, leave them alone. Hold out for the person who will make an equal effort from day one.

And don't fantasize about some happily ever after before you even meet. Take a wait and see attitude. Live in the present. If you even get to the first date, take it as enjoying each others company in the moment. And if things go well, ask for another date and be realistic that it will take a very long time to really get to know someone. 

As far as this woman goes, if in fact she has depression, she shouldn't even be dating unless she has it under control. She is not dating material if that's the case. There is a possibility she's lying to just give any old excuse. It doesn't really matter though.

The fact that a person ghosting you is someone who you kept chasing shows your self-esteem is lacking. You'll definitely have better luck in dating if you work to boost your self-esteem. If you don't, women will see you as a clingy doormat.

You deserve a good woman, so recognize red flags early to cut off the losers quickly, and make a must-have list and stick to it. Take care.

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