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I did something toxic and I regret it.


Lisasimpson12
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I’ve been dating a guy for 7 weeks and I did something super toxic before we met and now I regret it…

I’m wracked with guilt. But I don’t want to tell him because I feel like it’s just such a weird thing to do… 

Have you ever done any creepy/weird stuff in the early stages of dating and had things work out in the end? I genuinely don’t want to tell him what I did, but I don’t want to be a liar by omission either…

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You know that saying... ' what they don't know won't hurt them'? 

Is it maybe best to just not go there? 

You;ve been dating only 7 weeks.  Is there a reason he needs to know?  Or is it just best to continue on as you are...

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2 hours ago, Lisasimpson12 said:

I’m wracked with guilt. But I don’t want to tell him because I feel like it’s just such a weird thing to do… 

You're dating 45 Days. That is the fun get to know you time. How old is he?  Are you exclusive?

Dating is not a slumber party truth or dare game. It's not a confessional. 

Use appropriate discretion. Whatever "super toxic" stuff you did before meeting is for your trusted friends and family. Unless of course you are trying to find a way to get rid of him.

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3 hours ago, Lisasimpson12 said:

I’ve been dating a guy for 7 weeks and I did something super toxic before we met

Did you served him vegan meat instead of regular one? Sorry, had to joke because of your username. 😆

Does it affects him in some way of form? Its hard to tell if he should or shouldnt know about it if we dont know what it is.

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If you feel so guilty about it then stop dating him. No sense in telling something that gonna hurt him. Ending it will feel a lot less bad. You can say you realize you are not emotionally ready for a relationship and have things to work on. 

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I think it depends on the thing that you did. 

Like, would it radically change the person's opinion of you ? If so, that's a bit more complicated and I don't know what I would recommend without knowing what it was 

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Sometimes ignorance is bliss. 

It's in the past so leave it there.  Start anew with this special guy in your life.  Be a better person from this day forward and you'll be fine. 

Don't allow guilt to have a grip on your life.  As long as you've learned from your past mistakes and became a better person for yourself and others, it's commendable. 

Chin up.

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15 hours ago, Lisasimpson12 said:

I did something super toxic before we met

Well, 'before we met,' are key words for me. You don't 'owe' anyone a true confession of everything you're ashamed of prior to dating.

If you may have picked up an STD and exposed him to it, then that directly involves him.

Otherwise, I'd question the need to raise unnecessary drama. For the sake of what, exactly?

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Not his business.

Shut up about your past.

It's not his business.

It doesn't impact the budding relationship you have with him

If you want to blab, pinch yourself to make yourself shut up.

Do not EVER tell men stuff that is going to reflect poorly on you that was done before you ever even met him. 

It's not his business.

Find something else to talk to him about. Something funny, something entertaining, something interesting, something creative.

 

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I dated someone I met at a religious retreat.  This was almost 20 years ago.  Our first date a few weeks later was lunch at his place.  He told me that around 6 months ago he'd broken up with his girlfriend who he'd been with for a year or so.  He told me this because his ex was pregnant and he hadn't wanted to marry her.  They were both around 40.  She was due with the baby in the next month or so.  I would have been very upset if he hadn't told me this right away.  I realized after the baby was born that the situation was not for me and after dating three months I ended it.  

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Are you trying to sabotage the relationship? 

Unless it impacts him (std etc) I wouldn't tell him. 

Do some things to help forgive yourself... write it out and then burn it. Work to understand yourself and why you did what you did in an honest way.  Then look at why or how you know you won't do this again. Look at the behaviors and events around you that prompted you to do this thing.  Then work to get those influences out of your life and keep them out.  Recognize old bad behaviors.

Changed behavior is the only thing that really matters. And if you've changed then he doesn't need to know.  

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