Friend goes cold by text

[Superstickyone]

I was helping a friend find a new apartment and sent texts with suggestions 2 times. She asked for my help initially.

She's always so chatty by text.  We agreed to meet up at a restaurant one night for dinner but I had to cancel as I hurt my toe.  She replied no problem, get better.  

Well after this, things went downhill.  The following day I sent a text saying I would phone her on the weekend about rescheduling after my toe feels better.  I had tripped on some stairs.  No reply.

Two days later I sent another text about some more apartment leads I found.  She write back coldly with a vague  "I don't know when I will be moving".  What??? Didn't we talk 2 weeks ago when you said you gave your notice with landlord?

I feel like she's being passive aggressive, for what?  Because I cancelled our dinner??

I wouldn't day we are super close friends but more buddies at work.

What did I do wrong here?  I go out of my way to help and she can't even tell me what's wrong!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[jul-els]

Texting sucks. Call her, and if she doesn’t answer or return your message, you can let it go. 

[Cherylyn]

Talk to her at work during break or at lunch time. 

Some people are not adept at communicating and corresponding in a considerate manner via text, messenger, email, leaving voicemails or sometimes during verbal phone chats.  Sometimes, in person is best and most effective if they're available when the opportunity to have a discussion arises. 

[greendots]

Maybe she has had plenty of experiences where others have cancelled on her last minute. How often do you hang out with your work buddy outside of work? I hope that by talking to her you can work things out.

 

[Wiseman2]

It seems like you are overstepping boundaries and suffocating her. Stop sending all this apt stuff. People have access to the internet and realtors to look for themselves.

This is a former coworker, just an acquaintance, not a close friend. Don't call or text again. She has your contact info.

[Superstickyone]

It's been my experience, sadly, that the more you do for people (even after them asking for your help) take you for granted after awhile.

I've naturally been a very supportive friend.  Treat those how you wish to be treated is my motto.

It happens every time where I end up being something useful to people.

Previous poster said I was suffocating her.  This person asked for my help as she couldn't find a suitable apartment.  So when I got the chance, I sent along info I found.

Sounds like I should do one time favors only in order to avoid being relegated to "useful" status.

It's sad but you don't win any friends by being at their beck and call!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Jaunty]

Is this the same friend who went cold early in the summer?  Or is this happening with various friends in your life?  If the latter, I think you'll have to look at the common denominator - you.  If it's the same person, did she come around in July and then go cold again, or has she remained cold all summer?  

[catfeeder]

On 8/8/2022 at 11:51 PM, Superstickyone said:

She write back coldly with a vague  "I don't know when I will be moving".  What??? Didn't we talk 2 weeks ago when you said you gave your notice with landlord?

How did you respond to this? 

This is probably where I would have dialed her and spoken with her in person.

I wouldn't have interpreted the text as 'cold,' but rather frustrated exhausted by a circumstance delaying her move. People don't like to explain complex news via text--try speaking with her.

[Batya33]

On 8/9/2022 at 1:17 AM, greendots said:

Maybe she has had plenty of experiences where others have cancelled on her last minute. How often do you hang out with your work buddy outside of work? I hope that by talking to her you can work things out.

 

That's what I was thinking or have you cancelled on her in the past? Why couldn't you meet her closer to where you live so you wouldn't have to walk far? I mean I power walk/use a treadmill daily so I get how painful a hurt toe can be - but I mean you can walk a shorter distance yes -take some ibruprofen/wrap the toe? My husband hurt his toe pretty badly during our vacation in Europe.  Instead of cancelling a day of sightseeing I helped him wrap it in bandages and used a pain reducing ointment and he managed so that he and his family wouldn't miss out. I'm not a medical person at all; neither is he.

  Broken toe where you had to see a doctor that day -sure - but hurt toe? I mean it doesn't sound like a reason to cancel to me but that's just me.  

It's nice of you to text her twice with suggestions for a new apartment.  I've done that many times for people and it's not really a big deal - I send house listings/apartment, etc - was  that really a lot of your time? Did you do specific research for her and did she know that or you just heard of things that might be useful and typed out a quick text? I mean I've done that for strangers on my Facebook groups.  I'm not sure what the scope of the help you gave was as far as you feeling entitled to be treated in a certain way.

 

[Jibralta]

On 8/8/2022 at 11:51 PM, Superstickyone said:

Well after this, things went downhill.  The following day I sent a text saying I would phone her on the weekend about rescheduling after my toe feels better.  I had tripped on some stairs.  No reply.

Two days later I sent another text about some more apartment leads I found.  She write back coldly with a vague  "I don't know when I will be moving".  What??? Didn't we talk 2 weeks ago when you said you gave your notice with landlord?

I feel like she's being passive aggressive, for what?  Because I cancelled our dinner??

I would be surprised if she got bent out of shape and passive aggressive about cancelling dinner. Seems a bit of a strong reaction to something very mundane. 

I think the simplest thing would be to talk to her at work today or tomorrow or whenever. 

[Batya33]

2 hours ago, Jibralta said:

I would be surprised if she got bent out of shape and passive aggressive about cancelling dinner. Seems a bit of a strong reaction to something very mundane. 

I think the simplest thing would be to talk to her at work today or tomorrow or whenever. 

That is why I wanted to know if he has done this before/if it's a pattern.  

[Wiseman2]

10 hours ago, Superstickyone said:

Previous poster said I was suffocating her.  This person asked for my help as she couldn't find a suitable apartment.  So when I got the chance, I sent along info I found.

She can find her own place, get a realtor etc. You seem to be overinvesting, then getting upset about it. Just stop doing that.