What do I do?

[Missinghim12]

Im sorry for this being so long and maybe even a bit immature but I really needed to let all of it out as I have been struggling a lot with my mental sanity for the past few days. So I request everyone to please bear with this one and give it a read.

I have been talking to this guy since a year now. It was the four of us actually in the beginning, playing video games all night. They were what got me through the lockdown.However, it was this one guy I was closer with than the rest, talking on the phone late night, hanging out. He was even the one I used to fight with the most. Petty arguments and then making up-to each other. And then it happened.. I got attached to him.

Even though the other two got busy with their lives once the lockdown was over, he was always there. I felt like we had a connection. He told me he cared about me. But a huge red flag about him is that he is very egoistic and that too about petty things like seen zoning and calling two days in a row. Even though he wanted to talk on the phone, he would say things like we shouldn't talk so much, I don't want to get attached bla bla. But then if I told him bye, he would be like oh so you'll sleep? And if it was me making the first move, he would ask 1000 why's. I even caught him in a conversation where his friend was teasing him about me having a crush on him, so I was always careful. And he even trashed a previous girl that asked him out, said he cut off contact with her after that, so I was always scared of making too many first moves.

He is so confusing, he takes a step forward and again takes two steps back.

Anyway, after the lockdown he moved to another city for university, the same city I had to move to 2 months back for an internship. When I told him, he was urging me to live in his neighbourhood and told me he himself will find me a place to stay. He made plans to hangout. After I moved there, we were playing video games one night and he invited this new girl whom I don't know. He told me it's his school friend and ever since I see him obsessed with her. I felt so ignored and left out because even though he would ask if I wanted to play, after I told him one day to call me once he logs in the game, he forgot. I log in and see that he is playing with that other girl. He just completely forgot about me…

So I yelled at him and started playing with another guy. He tried calling and texting and I told him I don't want to play with him. Then when he saw me playing with the other guy, he was like "you told me you won't play but I see you playing with him, great". I told him that he did the same.

Anyway I have been ignoring him after that and he didn't try much either after that, although I got to know from his friend that he asked him to invite me to the game.

After a couple of days he texts me to ask about a conference at his university that I'm supposed to go to. I told him the date and then since it was the weekend the next day, I asked him if he wanted to hangout in my neighbourhood. But he was instead asking me to go to his area even though I was new in the city and didn't know my way around. I got mad at him and started ignoring again. He didn't push much about hanging out but had been texting everyday after that about the conference.

On the day of the conference, he texted at 8 am asking when I would be there. I yelled at him about his on and off *** and he told me he was sick so he couldn't meet me during the weekend. So why couldn't he just tell me that?

I still decided to meet him at the conference and he was with me the entire time for 3 days, and we even hung out from morning till midnight. Those were some of the best days of my life.

But after that the on again off again *** started all over again. Not acknowledging each other in the game. When I confronted him, he told me "why won't I show ego after the things you did?"

i deactivated my account after that and he texted me on WhatsApp asking if I blocked him. I even unfriended him in the game.

Things have been going on like this…he texts every other day and replies to my stories asking if I'm in his city or if I moved back home? He repeatedly asks why I unfriended him in the game even though he knows the freaking reason. He apologised to me and told me let’s play from now..but what he doesn’t get is I won’t play as long as he is playing with that girl. I felt humiliated when he forgot about me. Why couldn’t he put his ego aside and invite me again, why did he have to ask his friend to do it?

Yesterday we had another confrontation where I accused him of not even fixing things after I was mad at him, and he told me that he apologised and that if he didn't want to fix things, he wouldn't have apologised. But that isn't enough for me! He told me he doesn’t know how else to fix this. 

I taunt him how he ditched me when he found that new girl but he never even acknowledges her, pretends he doesn't know what I'm talking about...he even told me that I'm his closest friend and he doesn't wanna lose me, but then he doesn't even try to fix us. Before he would repeatedly apologise to me unless I talk to him. He doesn't do that anymore. He just ends the argument with "okay my mistake I don't wanna argue anymore"

Im just so so sick of this, all our other friends in the game even takes his side and they all accepted the new girl. I just feel so left out. I mean how do you after playing with someone for an entire year just instantly start playing with a new girl? I tried to let him go..but can't bring myself to unfriend him for good. I don't know what to do…this is costing me my mental peace.

[Batya33]

Sometimes the right thing to do is very hard. The right thing to do is to cut off contact.  You can bring yourself -even if it's hard.  This person is not someone who is healthy for you to have contact with and hasn't been for a long time.  It sounds like you've never met him in person right? You are not in a relationship with him and he is not a friend or even a friendly acquaintance.  You're way too attached to this person and you can pull the plug even if it's hard.  For your health.  Good luck,

[Missinghim12]

9 minutes ago, Batya33 said:

Sometimes the right thing to do is very hard. The right thing to do is to cut off contact.  You can bring yourself -even if it's hard.  This person is not someone who is healthy for you to have contact with and hasn't been for a long time.  It sounds like you've never met him in person right? You are not in a relationship with him and he is not a friend or even a friendly acquaintance.  You're way too attached to this person and you can pull the plug even if it's hard.  For your health.  Good luck,

I did meet him..which is why the attachment is more. During the conference, I hung out with him 3 days in a row..morning till midnight. It’s ever since then I can’t stop thinking about him. 

[SooSad33]

1 hour ago, Missinghim12 said:

But after that the on again off again *** started all over again. Not acknowledging each other in the game. When I confronted him, he told me "why won't I show ego after the things you did?"

i deactivated my account after that and he texted me on WhatsApp asking if I blocked him. I even unfriended him in the game.

He's hot & cold and you are upset a lot - hence leaving the game. Nothing is consistant BUT you are acting like you two are a couple.  You're not.

IF he is a true friend to you, you should accept he will game with whomever he chooses to, w/out this behaviour.

 

1 hour ago, Missinghim12 said:

Yesterday we had another confrontation where I accused him of not even fixing things after I was mad at him, and he told me that he apologised and that if he didn't want to fix things, he wouldn't have apologised. But that isn't enough for me! He told me he doesn’t know how else to fix this. 

I think you two are just too different and he's a guy. His mind doesn't work the same way.

And why do you keep 'yelling' at him?

You two are NOT an item, correct?  Then you need to back off a bit and let him do what he wants.... IF you dont like it, then yah, you have the choice to walk away.

You cannot control him.

If your jealousy is over ruling, I suggest you do remain out of the game and just re consider this 'friendship; with him.

 

Is it time to just leave all alone now - and move on?

 

[Wiseman2]

2 hours ago, Missinghim12 said:

I mean how do you after playing with someone for an entire year just instantly start playing with a new girl? …this is costing me my mental peace.

Delete and block him from the game and all other social media platforms and messaging apps.

To be honest, you need a life outside of video games. You're way too wrapped up in it to the point of an almost obsessive issue causing mental and eventually physical health problems.

Get out and join some real-life clubs and groups. Make some real-life friends. Volunteer. Make friends with fellow students. Get a part-time job.  Take some extra classes and courses.  Language, Yoga, Tai Chi, Dancing, whatever. Commit to fitness and sports and a healthier lifestyle. Date real-life guys from university. Don't chase indifferent men.

[smackie9]

To me you were in the friends zone. He kept talking to you due to the fact everyone else was gone/playing less not because he wants to give you special attention. He met you, he doesn't want to pursue anything, just wants to carry on as usual...chat buddy in the game. You got way too emotionally attached...you were seeing things that were not there. You were blinded by you crushing hard. Now reality hits you are confused and upset. hey it happens. I don't think you should give up playing, just stop talking to him if that will make you feel better. 

[DancingFool]

I think it's only confusing to you because you have this crush on him. All I see from the outside is that your crush is one sided and that he isn't interested in you beyond some basic friendship. It doesn't seem like he ever saw you as anything more than just a gaming pal. Also, that you took some friendly gestures as more when it wasn't meant so. As such, your expectations of him are misplaced and so is your anger.

He is free to date or be interested in whoever he wants. He is free to invite her to play and others in the group are right to accept whoever he invites without issues. That is not leaving you out of anything. Of course it hurts to see your crush courting someone else. However, this is where you have to accept that you and him are not a match and maybe step away from his company for a bit so you can cool off and get over your crush. 

Btw, bickering does not a relationship make. All it should tell you is that you don't really get along.

[Batya33]

6 hours ago, Missinghim12 said:

I did meet him..which is why the attachment is more. During the conference, I hung out with him 3 days in a row..morning till midnight. It’s ever since then I can’t stop thinking about him. 

So this was at a conference. Did he take you out on a proper date? Three days is not a long time at all of course.

[catfeeder]

I'm sorry you're hurting. Sounds as though you made some ownership assumptions about the guy, and he let you get away with that while he had nothing going on.

You may want to rethink the yelling and accusing. That might be how kids fight with brothers and sisters, but adults tend to walk away from people who do that.

Again, I'm really sorry. 

[LootieTootie]

how old are you guys?